Have a laugh on me

We're not all in the same boat, some of us struggle to even get in the boat!


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Butter wouldn’t melt in their mouths – Wordless Wednesday

My darlings in ALL their glory!!

My darlings in ALL their glory!!

How could I EVER be cranky at these 'angels'?

How could I EVER be cranky at these ‘angels’?

My friend and talented photographer Aroha @ Photography By Aroha took these photos during an impromptu photo shoot at a mutual McAwesome friend’s house!

She is UBER reasonable, very flexible and is a wee bit of a perfectionist so you WILL get some good shots!

It’s Wordless Wednesday and I link with:

Trish at My Little Drummer Boys

My Little Drummer Boys

Bree @ Twinkle in the Eye

Twinkle In The Eye

And Ai at Sakura Haruka


58 Comments

If you say my name one more time I’m throwing myself under a bus!

I’m making a new rule for children.

They can now speak to us without US having to acknowledge them, for example, without them having to say our name 15 times IN A ROW.

Hands up if you agree?

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I’m all for politeness when I’m talking to another adult out of the house but…

When we are at home – just ask the BLOODY QUESTION or SHOW ME YOUR FANTASTIC LEGO CREATION!

“Mum mum mum mum mum mum mum mum” or “Dad dad dad dad dad dad mum mum mum mum” (because by this time they’ve realised that dad has tuned out and so they revert back to asking mum mum mum mum).

AND for no reason, apart from the fact I like bullet points oh hang that’s right my stupid blog doesn’t have them :( , I want to mention a few things for IBOT that are completely unrelated to the above rant:

PROBLOGGER

I’m there – from 8.25am Friday until 5.30pm Saturday! Yes, on Friday I am staying overnight hopefully, if I don’t dutch oven, or try and spoon my bedmate with the lovely Amanda! I will won’t be hard to miss at the conference – and you’ll be relieved sad if you miss drinking with meeting me!

You will totally want one of these suckers to keep your wobbly table from rocking!

You will totally want one of these suckers to stop your table from wobbling!

LOOK WHO IS TURNING TWO?
No, not my blog, my baby! And yes in typical MOTY style (Mother of the Year) I didn’t realise that I would be away on his actual birthday – thankfully no one can count very well at my place so his birthday has been delayed by a day! BOOM!

BOOBS
I asked the Husband if he had noticed my large, loveable muffin belly was getting smaller – he said he hadn’t noticed much (cue sad elevator music). But he did say that my boobs seemed more “deflated” – and welcome to the world of celibacy husband!

The disappearing boobs - they actually don't look too deflated here HUSBAND!

The disappearing boobs – they actually don’t look too deflated here HUSBAND!


SELF-HOSTED
So the next time you ‘see’ me I’ll be self-hosted, I hope!
I’ll be a bit like a teenager who thinks they have LOTS more freedom, but doesn’t quite have the smarts to know how to use it wisely!

I'm a writer not a computer geek - and I have no idea what a cpanel or jetpack is

I’m a writer not a computer geek – and I have no idea what a cpanel or jetpack is so just do it for me!

Do your kids repeatedly say your name until you feel like throwing yourself under a bus?
Are you going to Problogger? Will you be friendly, too cool for school or pretend you don’t know who I am?
Hang on don’t answer that, I’ll find out in three sleeps.

HOPEFULLY my last ever non self-hosted IBOT post – linking with Jess @ Essentially Jess


53 Comments

He got knocked down but got up again! Wordless Wednesday

Getting this close to the water is a big deal for my boy - he didn't want to even come to the beach!

Getting this close to the water is a big deal for my boy – he didn’t want to even come to the beach!

Psyching himself up for a wave to come

Psyching himself up for a wave to come.

Oh crap, another wave was coming in close behind so it became a bigger one than he expected!!!

Oh crap, another wave was coming in close behind this one so it became a lot bigger than I, and he, expected!!!

This is such a great action shot, if I do say so myself, so had to zoom in to show you him getting air!

A great action shot, if I do say so myself, so I just had to zoom in to show him getting air!

Getting SMASHED by a wave! I promise I ran over to see how he was as soon as I took this photo!

Getting SMASHED by the wave! I promise I ran over to see how he was as soon as I took this photo!

I was convinced he would scream his head off and run away but this is him, minutes after - reading to face the waves - a proud mumma I was!

I was convinced he would scream his head off and run away but this is him, minutes after – ready to face the waves again. I was so proud.

And you can imagine my shock when he ran back into the ocean after just being knocked over by it - that's my boy x

And you can imagine my shock when he ran back into the ocean again – that’s my boy!

The ocean is a powerful thing and it should be respected.

A Wordless Wednesday post and I link with the trio of ladies I love!

Trish at My Little Drummer Boys

My Little Drummer Boys

Bree @ Twinkle in the Eye

Twinkle In The Eye

And Ai at Sakura Haruka


78 Comments

Just keep swimming, or trucking, or drinking!

You know those days when you nail it? Me neither.

This afternoon my daughter told me not to call her “a little shit shiz” – something I did under my breath because she was giving me the ‘I’m bored and you’re horrible speech’.

I acted all offended and then told her that I was in fact talking to someone on the computer that I was mad at! OOPS!

I learned my lesson – to speak WAY more quietly.

Does it look like I'm coping????

Lucky I have no shame and a sense of humour otherwise this parenting caper could make you go loopy (note photo bomber in background).

Anyway here is my week in Facebook updates!

1. The kids are annoying me so much I’m about to pour all the milk down the sink so I can leave the house for 45 minutes to go and get some more!

2. “I’m so glad we made our fourth bedroom a kid’s playroom” said no mother ever who now has to do all her work on a computer in the living/dining/kitchen!! FUG IT!

3. FUG! Got up extra early to make food for my son’s daycare party – and got greeted by blank looks – IT’S NEXT WEEK – and now my house smells of yummy food that I can’t eat. PLUS I have to make it again next Thursday – DOUBLE FUG!

4. I just overheard my three-year-old telling his big sister she was a “rock star” – as long as it’s not Miley I’m cool with that.

5. It’s been awhile since I posted amusing search engine terms that lead people to my blog, here are today’s:
*hot men ass (gross)
*chocolate pool (it’s never gonna happen)
*ant in thermomix (you idiot they cost thousands)
*candy crush laughs (umm no, it’s a game, it can’t speak)
*candy crush minty meadow (get a life!!)

I honestly don't make a habit out of calling my children little shits

I honestly don’t make a habit out of calling my children little shits

In other breaking news – I’m going self-hosted soon – so watch this space – just a wee bit excited!

ALSO…

I am a guest blogging today over at Lisa’s Random Acts of Zen blog!

Here I divulge some pretty funny interesting shiz – and you’ll never, ever, ever, get to know this trivial AMAZING stuff about me unless you visit here

So what is the best/worst thing about being self-hosted with WordPress?
Are you surprised by what I told Lisa?
Have you called your child a little shit recently and then felt bad?

Linking and sharing the LOVE with Jess @ Essentially Jess


56 Comments

Why every day is Father’s Day around here!

If you ask me every day is like Father’s Day around this joint!

And I can say that without fear of being stabbed in the eye because 95 per cent of my readers are women (who are quietly nodding their head right now).

Let me clarify myself in five ways:

1. ALWAYS THE FAVOURITE

My husband is always revered, adored and the kids BOUND out the door when he flies up the driveway nearly crashing into the garage door arrives home from work. He can do no wrong and I become chopped liver (which I secretly LOVE).

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2. HOUSEWORK

I’m pretty much chief cook and bottle washer around here anyhow and so telling him not to lift a finger won’t be needed. I should say that he does unload the dishwasher. This is a job I hate so much that I’ll wash dishes by hand instead of unloading in order to re-load it (does that even make sense?) .

3. GOODIES

We always have a steady supply of chocolate and lollies in the house, so there’s no need for Father’s Day gluttony around here.

4. PASHING

I’m always trying to pash him – usually at inappropriate times – this isn’t something I only try to do on the first Sunday in September.

Yep that's pretty much how I do it!

Yep that’s pretty much how I do it!

5. SOCKS & JOCKS

I buy these when they’re on special at the shops, why just spread the sock and jock love one day a year – you can’t get a much better wife than that surely??

BEFORE YOU START DIVORCE PROCEEDINGS HUSBAND – PLEASE READ THE PHOTO BELOW

I will do all of this for you on your special day – especially the non-nagging part!!

5-ways-to-help-your-partner-have-a-great-fathers-day

To those of who have a dad – celebrate, nurture and love him.
To those who no longer have a living dad – hugs to you.

To my dad – I love you to the moon and back!
To my husband – you are my soul mate, my rock and I appreciate everything you do for me and our crazy gorgeous family!

What you got planned this Sunday?
Is every day Father’s Day at your house??

Gonna flog ma blog with Grace @ With Some Grace tomoz!



60 Comments

On being a mother to five for the weekend – Wordless Wednesday

Over the weekend I was a mother to five kids under five-and-a-half-years old – now surely that deserves another trophy?

Ahhh - so peaceful just me, myself and I ...

Ahhh – so peaceful just me, myself and I.

It didn't last for long - I was soon bamboozled with love from seven gorgeous cherubs, just three of which were mine!

It didn’t last for long – I was soon bamboozled with love from seven gorgeous cherubs, three of which were mine, two were staying with us over the weekend and two more were just visiting!

After having five young children under my roof for three nights – I’m not sure I will ever moan about my three again (yeah right).

Honestly though, to those who have lots of young children, I salute and admire you – but certainly wouldn’t want to be you – no offence!

Did you have a crazy weekend? How many kids do you want/have?

It’s Wordless Wednesday – linking with the lovely Trish at My Little Drummer Boys

My Little Drummer Boys

Bree @ Twinkle in the Eye

Twinkle In The Eye

And Ai at Sakura Haruka


64 Comments

Is there anything more awesome than getting a kick-ass trophy? NUP!

It doesn’t matter if you win or lose as long as… YOU GET A TROPHY!!

BOOM!

Just a wee bit excited about getting this trophy!

Just a wee bit excited about getting this trophy!

Last night my netball team, the Bluebirds, played in the grand finals and we …

LOST!!!!!!!!!!

Yes hard to believe considering the shit-hot trophy I have in bed with me to show for it, but it was a super close game.

After 40 minutes of gruelling play, including a few Academy Award-winning stacks by yours truly – the score was tied!

So – much to the excitement of the crowd, all five of them, we had to play for 10 minutes more – you could have cut the tension with a blunt, rusty knife.

I could say that “it was a game of two halves” and “the better team won on the day” but that’s not the case, it was honestly a tight game, with lots of handling errors on both sides.

We were bloody legends on the court – and I’m proud to be a retired Bluebird!

Just after we lost by one point - BOO :(

Just after we lost by one point – BOO :( I’m smack bang in the middle of this pic, just in case you can’t recognise me!

You know – before I got on the court I wasn’t stressed about winning, but as soon as that old dude on the sideline started cheering for our opposing team – REALLY, REALLY LOUDLY – something inside of me broke.

I leaped like a muppet and ran like a headless chicken to defend those shooters because I wanted to WIN mother fuggers!

If you didn’t know I once got an F for sportsmanship – I don’t like losing.

But it wasn’t to be – sadly they won by one – YES ONE BLOODY GOAL :(

However, they say every cloud has a silver lining and ‘they’ were right – this particular silver lining came in the form of a TROPHY!!

WHOOP  - a runner-up trophy!!

WHOOP WHOOP – a runner-up trophy!!

The last and only ever trophy I won was at a work function where I kicked ass – wait for it – at go karting!

So to get one for netball was amazing (and not just because I paid $120 plus for fees) BUT I know that my children are going to go OFF when they see it!

I will be like a SUPER DUPER NETBALL MUM in their eyes!

And seriously, isn’t it a great feeling to see your children’s eyes light up – no matter what the reason?

Just a tiny bit proud - and sweaty - YUK

Just a tiny bit proud – and sweaty – YUK

I also have to admit that I might have acted like a bit of a pork chop when I was handed my Academy Award trophy.

I’m not saying that I bowed to the crowd other players – but I might have.

Isn't she GORGEOUS! Seriously - what a stunner!

Isn’t she GORGEOUS! Seriously – what a stunner!

Before I shut the hell up about winning a stupid runner-up netball trophy wrap this up I want to point out the good and bad of playing netball outdoors in winter.

PROS
1. I usually get out of the dinner, bath, bed routine.
2. The girls I play with are AWESOME, most were mums, but there were two or three lovelies under 20 that were FANTASTIC, and happy to listen to my mum drivel.
3. I had 15 minutes, to and from netball, in the car ALONE and got to have MY music up loud.

CONS
1. My IBOT newspaper writing deadline is Tuesday so always makes Monday a stressful day.
2. It’s bloody cold in winter and on Mondays I usually like to do FUG ALL because weekends are so full on.
3. 8.30pm games – those are just torture!

Totally loving my new BFF sick right now!

Totally loving my new BFF sick right now!

Did I mention I got a trophy ;)

What was the last trophy you won?
Have I inspired you to get your ass out and play a team sport?
Do you want my autograph?

Linking and sharing the LOVE with Jess @ Essentially Jess

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