There’s something special about the silence you get when all three kids are strapped into their car seats and you shut the door.
Oh and please don’t call children’s welfare services, I only leave them in car alone at home, inside our garage, honestly.
Of course it’s not silent inside the car, No.3 is being his usual screecher feature self, No.2 is crying about some non-injury he thinks he’s got and No.1 is in the middle of a long-winded conversation that I’ll be able to pick up again when I get back into the car some two minutes later.
But for a few minutes there nothing but silence in my house – and I wish I could just stand there for hours and enjoy it. No noise penetrates through the car or garage and for a few minutes I pretend they’re not killing each other.
I use this time to collect my thoughts, check I can get away with not washing my hair for another day and make sure my clothes don’t have spew or food on them.
I then take a deep breath and prepare to face the symphony of moaning, crying, fighting, that is inevitably happening in the garage.
It’s show time – where all day I have to pretend that I’m not going totally insane. I smile sweetly and answer the million questions I’m asked a day and am the epitome of patience when I have to take my newly toilet trained son to the potty 10 times, no shit.
I’m pretty good at not letting my children see how their constant demands wear me down but it’s when screecher feature No. 3 starts his two-hour chorus of high-pitched screaming at 4pm that my facade starts to crack.
Some mums can just rise above this noise but to me it’s like our new neighbours noisy dog that won’t stop barking – it drives me insane.
I wonder how they do it? There must be a trick, other than taking Valium, to letting the screams just roll over me. When I find it I’ll let you know.
Until then the Husband has given me his hard core shooting ear muffs so I can find my happy place.