As a mum of two boisterous boys I’ve come to except that they are masters of destruction.
They try to, and usually succeed in, destroying everything they touch.
They love whacking things, laughing at burps and farts, smearing food on every surface, shaking and throwing toys against windows, doors and my face, poking things down the toilet and at each other, play fighting – the list is endless.
And while I wouldn’t have it any other way (okay that’s a lie) I’ve come to the realisation that as they get older their powers of destruction are going to get stronger, especially as they feed and learn off each other.
This is not to say my daughter is Miss Placid, but she was never as boisterous as my boys are.
She does still have her own trying qualities, eg the tears, the attitude and the fussiness with clothes and shoes, but I can at least negotiate and reason with her.
But when it comes to boys I wonder if there is some sort of pill you can buy to add patience to your diet because I’m incredibly deficient at the moment.
There is no reasoning, negotiation or bribing, well unless it’s chocolate or lollies and I don’t want to create an emotional eater (although it’s tempting).
I used to think I was a great negotiator but No.2 has completely destroyed my belief in that.
I cut his apple too small, he cries for 10 minutes, his cracker with peanut butter drops on the floor and breaks, he howls for a new one.
I put toothpaste on for him and he throws it across the room and screams.
I put cold water in his cup and not from the tap, and again, throws it.
I refuse to give him food 20 minutes before dinner and I have to throw myself in front of fridge and pantry to stop the little shit.
Then he cries for 15 minutes, saying “I WANT GREEN APPLE”, over and over until I search frantically for my wine!
I’m sure it’s just frustration on his part, but talk about stubborn.
As much as I was to call him a fussy f*&ker and run and hide in my room – I have to be the adult.
Just like I have to listen to No.3’s constant questions, cries and requests without putting my hands over my ears and saying ‘nah nah nah nah, I can’t hear you’.
Some mums have tons of patience and are born to mother, then there’s me, who has had motherhood throw at her and is just managing to not lose the plot.
It goes without saying the good outweighs the bad but when it’s bad it’s bloody terrible and I don’t mind admitting it!