Have a laugh on me

We're not all in the same boat, some of us struggle to even get in the boat!

Bye bye supermum, hello give-a-shit mum!

29 Comments

Remember being a first-time mum? You were hell bent on doing ‘the right thing’ by your child.

Often this meant altering your lifestyle to make sure they drank, ate, slept when they were ‘supposed to’.

I was admit I was one of these mums who would not attend social events, visit friends or join a playdate because I wanted to make sure No.1 slept.

A fat lot of good it did me – my kids are shocking eaters, sleepers.

Things have changed dramatically as I’ve ventured longer into motherhood. I’ve become WAY more relaxed, perhaps in some cases a little to casual to those looking in from the outside.

But it’s a coping mechanism I think, and a bloody good one.

Here’s a few things I have become more relaxed about:

  • Food

I used to peel, slice or dice an apple before giving to my babies. Now I hand them an entire apple, not only does this keep them amused for longer it also improves their ball handling skills.

If they don’t eat, I don’t care. This is not always true, for example if I know they’re going to get hungry when we’re out and about and it will cost me $25 for a cup of popcorn at Dreamworld I’ll insist they eat before we go.

Image

(hey check out the dude in the background of this photo in his budgie smugglers – so VERY GC)

  • Sleep

I used to make sure I was home around sleep times, I very rarely ventured out at night because I didn’t want to break their nighttime routine and I was adamant they had day sleeps.

Now I try and keep them awake if it’s going to help me get some peace when I need it, and if day sleeps happen they do, if not, it means I’ll get to have a wine earlier, I mean get them to bed earlier at night.

The biggest change is the going out at night, I now have no hesitation in going around to a friends for the afternoon/evening and won’t leave until the bubbly runs out or the kids start dragging me out the door, party poopers.

  • Accidents

I used to worry at every scrap and bump, now unless it’s bleeding a lot or a bump is more than 3mm high, I just kiss it better instead of stressing out. How much they cry is also a good indicator.

Stubbed toes now are just part of the territory and nothing to get upset about.

In fact falling over, banging their heads on the tiles and tripping over fresh air, can probably be attributed to the fact that they have an unco mum.

  • Mess

Every toy had to be picked up at hourly intervals throughout the day, you know like in public toilets when there is a board saying this bathroom was cleaned at 10,11,12 etc etc. I used to be a little like this and was constantly tidying my house.

Now there’s enough toys on my floor to create an obstacle course for my children, I suppose this also helps their motor skills, but also contributes to the number of falls and trips my children have.

However, it’s the getting up that counts right??

I can go to bed with washing in the basket, dishes in the sink (but not on the bench) and with the lounge strewn with lego.

  • Handing over my baby

When I first had No.1 I was VERY reluctant to hand her over for cuddles, especially when she was little, just in case they weren’t as good as holding my baby’s fragile newborn neck as well as they should be.

I also didn’t want their germs all over her. I was also worried when other people looked after my kids, just in case they didn’t do it the way I did.

With No.3 I’ll pass him over to anyone who asks, I’ll them ask if they mind if I duck out to the shops for a bit!

And as for babysitting, as soon as my parents arrive to look after my kids for the night, I’m out the door, literally.

Gone are the hourly phone calls to check on them, and to tell mum to turn their fan up or down.

The biggest change is that I’ve realised there is no right or wrong way to do things.

I no longer have an opinion on what others do with their kids like I did before I had kids, and when I was a newbie mum.

We all do the best we can, and before judging I think it pays to try and put yourselves in someone else’s shoes – just for one day.

And even if that’s not how you’d do it – well tough shit – it’s not your life so butt out!

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Author: Have A Laugh On Me

I'm a mum to three, write from home and I rarely cook, craft or clean but admire those who do. I try to live by the mantra that there's no point in worrying about something that might not happen! Be warned this is not a fluffy, sweet mummy blog, rather a place where you can cringe, laugh and be shocked at my brutally honest take on my life.

29 thoughts on “Bye bye supermum, hello give-a-shit mum!

  1. Well said Em! Yes it’s amazing how much you relax into motherhood with each extra child … I’ve only had two, but there was a definite difference!

  2. Yep, I agree – how any one else parents is up to them. If asked, I’ll give ideas and my experiences rather than lectures or judgements as I know I’m not the perfect parent either!

    Looking back, in some ways I wish I’d been less relaxed about letting others cuddle my babies as I miss those cuddles and wish I had spent more time cuddling than doing stuff like cleaning.

  3. Love this, Em. Parenting has definitely changed me for the better in regard to no longer having any judgement of other parents. I also became much more relaxed with each child. Reminds me of that joke/meme: First child swallows dirt, you take them to dr, second child eats dirt, you wash their mouth out, third child eats dirt, you wonder if you really need to give them dinner! lol

  4. I am a pretty cruisey mum most of the time (not quite as cruisey as Paul but certainly not neurotic) and was always dumbfounded by new friends who said that they didn’t go out when it was nap time. Mr 4 had all of his day sleeps in his pram for the first 6 weeks, regardless of whether we were home or not. I think he liked the smaller quarters better than his huge cot. Now of course he thinks that sleep is for the weak. Crazy kid.

    • I think you had the right idea T – but I was quite highly strung til I had kids, worked12 hour days on a newspaper with deadlines, major responsibility and it wasn’t til I had kids that I calmed the hell down! x

  5. And now mine are teens, they have become sleeping experts, culinary masters, and pretty self sufficient misses. As they venture out into this big wide world, I still stress about them staying safe, but everything else is just allowed to flow. πŸ™‚ xx Nikki @ Wonderfully Women

  6. I think my comment got eaten by the comment system so yes I agree with all your points. The first bub we all try to be super mum, by the 3rd bub the poor child is raising themselves!!! (Big generalisation I know but things change over time.) xx

  7. Definitely! It is one of things I am enjoying most about being a mum the second-time round, the knowledge that I won’t cause deep psychological damage by missing a nap/a bath/storytime etc. I used to worry far too much over my first child and all it caused was stress – for ME. This time, I’ve been far more relaxed, and what do you know? I have a very chilled and easy going baby. We spend much of the day cuddling while the house goes to pieces, and then I give her a steak to gnaw on (not really) πŸ˜‰

  8. Ha! You always manage to say what I am thinking so straight up Em! Love it.
    I had a totally different approach to number 2 – so much more relaxed, though ironically she stresses me out so much more than her big brother ever did in so many ways. That said, she is quite welcome to eat the crumbs off the floor & I don’t feel the insane need to keep their faces & clothes clean all the time. Also, I have become very comfortable with not cleaning up every mess at every nap – just one big tidy at bed time, some nights, or you know, once a week or so! πŸ˜‰

  9. Love the honesty and realness with which you write! Always entertaining and good on you for standing for what you believe!

  10. Love the relaxed attitude to mothering! Maybe my mother could get a few tips. It’s definitely more enjoyable just chilling and not worrying too much. Can you be my mum?

    • If only I was like this years ago – a shame it took me a few years to ‘get it’ – best not to worry – just stresses kids out WAY more than they already are with life, thanks for visit Jen! πŸ™‚

  11. Yep, I completely get this. I vividly remember taking Gilbert out as a baby and taking literally everything with me, but the kitchen sink, just in case. By the time Delilah came along, she was lucky to get some room in my handbag for her things! I’m far more relaxed now and I think I am a far better mother for it.

  12. I love this post. Why did no one comment until now??? I am so much more relaxed with my second than my first. I relate to everything you’ve said. xo

  13. I was very precious with no 1, a lot more relaxed with no 2 and then just when I thought I knew what I was doing, no 3 arrived ten week’s premmie with a hole in her heart. With 3 under 3 and ongoing health issues myself, I can honestly say it was the worst time in my life. I was very time poor and just got on with things but the good thing, there was no time to worry if I was doing it right/wrong I just got on with it.

    • Wow you sure have an amazing story/experience to share. I can’t imagine how hard that must have been, what a precious cherub your third is I’m sure, to beat all the odds. Thanks for sharing and commenting πŸ™‚ Em x

  14. I’m getting there, slowly. We let him go on his first sleepover two weekends ago. At the in-laws’ and a few minutes away. Gotta start somewhere, right? But I’m yet to let anyone else watch him. Will do, must do, have to… Soon, I hope. Need to get used to the idea if I want another one, right? Right.

    • Yes you’ll have to let go, although in saying that I am okay in letting go of superficial stuff but sleepovers – mmm that is different! Well unless at my mums and that’s easy, but letting go of them physically is very hard – thanks for visit πŸ™‚ x

  15. Well done you on letting go on a few things. I love how our parenting changes the longer we stick at it

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