Have a laugh on me

We're not all in the same boat, some of us struggle to even get in the boat!


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No expectations for 2013 will mean no disappointments

So I’ve made it through 2012 without being put in a funny farm, my husband divorcing me, my family disowning me and my friends turning their backs on me (well most of them anyhow).

This year has been one of the hardest yet as a mother, but I’ve come out the other side and it’s due to all of the above mentioned.

I can’t say I’ve been a delight to live with this year, and have done A LOT of moaning about my lot. Looking back I can see it must have been bloody annoying to all those around me.

From the outside looking in I know many friends would love to have three children very close together, yet some can’t because of circumstances, age etc etc.

We didn’t plan to have 3 children in 3.5 years, it was a surprise for us – but the best one ever.

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(my three angels just a day ago)

I admit it’s taken me a year to really get my head around it all and accept I have three children.

I bet this sounds silly to most people but I’m a planner and three wasn’t the plan.

But it was the best thing to ever happen to me, I’m a better person, mother and wife because of No.3.

This year I’ve had to move around a lot of ideals, expectations and emotions in my head and heart, and do some real soul searching.

I look around and see other mums doing a much better job than me and I do feel a bit sorry for my three at times, mainly because I just don’t have as much time to spend individually with all three.

I also battle having patience most days but I’m working on this, eg taking time outside or going to another room until the screaming dies down.

Life as well as work is to blame for this – but we do a lot of things altogether as a family and I hope makes up for this a little bit.

However, I’m overly generous in my love, affection, cuddles and I hope this makes up for the times when I’m cranky, impatient and growly.

This new year brings with it a chance for me to shine again, reconnect, get fit, be more patient with my children and appreciate the Husband more.

I don’t believe in resolutions because if I’ve learned one thing this year it’s not to place unrealistic expectations on myself.

Wishing you all a gorgeous, happy and healthy 2013 with lots of laughter, cuddles and kisses.

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Emily 🙂

Linking up with Alicia – One Mother Hen – for Open Slather Monday – thanks Alicia

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A newbie’s prospective on the world of blogging and my three-month review!

I’ve only been part of the blog world since October this year – and I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to get involved.

What a great group of bloggers you all are – and I’m not just saying that, because it’s not my style.

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(this is more my style)

Seriously though, everyone has so much to share, laughter, pain, inspiration and happiness.

The biggest thing I’ve learned is that it takes HOURS and HOURS a day to keep up with everyone and become a top blogger.

I literally don’t have enough hours in the day to try but I do enjoy writing and so will join many of you each week.

And for those who offer me the chance to link up thanks!

I don’t have a year in review but here are titles of a few of my blogs, just as an overview:

OCTOBER

I once got an ‘f’ for sportsmanship
It’s not a democracy it’s a dictatorship
Children of the Corn
Don’t call my daughter stinky
A little term I like to call f*&k all Fridays
Life is frustrating when you can’t stand slowness
I’m never going to let my young children watch TV, each Maccas or have a dummy (yeah right)

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(No.3’s falling out of cot carpet burn)

NOVEMBER

The urges of a Virgo start from an early age
It’s a blog eat blog world, and fishing for turds
The wonderful world of boisterous boys
Baby just threw himself out of the cot
Bye-bye supermum hello give a shit mum
I skydived nude and other things you didn’t know about me.
Nothing like a shit show to start a Monday
My three-year-old is denying me kisses already
Learn to let go of something – no matter how much you love them
Look what lunacy happens when you get drunk with a former model

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DECEMBER

Mums should support not stab other mothers
At action-packed drive to the movies, why I love selfies, bogans and Team Jacob
Someone will always come say when you’ve just farted at the supermarket
Hello my name’s Emily and I’m addicted to weighing myself
Freaking out about big girl school
Mr Hanky the Christmas pool nearly visited our pool

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And some other interesting facts about me:

* At university I once had a flat warming so awesome that two fire engines comes, 8 kegs were drunk and it made it into the local newspaper.

* I’ve skydived (not naked, but I would if it was free to do so, and that there was no chance my boobs would knock me out during free fall). I have also bungy jumped, bridge swung, been on all the adrenalin rides I can find and I would do them all again in a heartbeat if I had the money.

* I was riding motorbikes at age 4, driving Land Rovers on the farm at age 12 and I have my awesome parents to thank for not wrapping me in cotton wool.

* Three days before the September 11 attacks I was in one of the World Trade Towers in New York with a group of friends who lived there with me.

Thanks to those that have taken the time to visit my blog and read – I hope I’ve been able to give you some amusement.

Life is so hard, stressful and serious at times that I try to make light of some of it.

But I know everyone has some serious shit going on and I don’t make fun of that – just my own life.

I can’t wait to follow your lives in 2013 and to feel supported in my quest to cope with WAHM to three angels!

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(I wish I still had these glasses)

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILIES!

Emily 🙂

Thanks Grace – linking up with you this FYBF special 2012 Highlights edition.


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Our cherubs enjoying Christmas for Wordless Wednesday

Finally a post with a Christmas theme – every night we see houses decorated, it’s the highlight of our children’s days.

Christmas is a magical time for children and I absolutely love watching their eyes and hearts light up at this time of year.

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(The candle I lit for those baby souls taken in Connecticut)

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It’s a Wordless Wednesday link up with Trish from My Little Drummer Boys

My Little Drummer Boys

And the lovely Ai Sakura from Sakura Haruka

And Bree from Twinkle in the Eye

Happy Christmas PEEPS!!!!


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Mr Hanky the Christmas Poo nearly visited our pool

As I’m writing this, my first blog in a week (gasp – say all you super bloggers) an awesome thunderstorm is happening around me.

Although I’m sure no one really cares about why I’ve been absent for a week I’m going to tell you – newspaper deadlines.

For those who’ve had to met them, you know the stress. Okay so what I’m doing now isn’t quite as stressful as when I worked on a daily paper, but it’s still hectic.

And I chow through a HEAP of caffeine every day because of it.

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(Photo credit – http://www.allwomenstalk.com)

But I’ve meet them and it means I have 2 whole weeks without work and I’m bloody over the moon!

When I hit deadline this morning I felt as though the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders – truly.

I did a jig, ate some almonds (yep party food for the wanna-be skinny) and sat down for 15 minutes and folded the washing!

After doing some much-neglected household duties I picked up the trio from Kindy nice and early.

We went swimming, it was lovely – especially in 33C heat – until it turned to shit, literally.

About half an hour into our pool session Maddi told me she needed to go to the toilet.

In fairness she had been doing what I like to call ‘poo farts’ in the car on the way home so I knew something was brewing.

But I asked if she could hold on for a bit, because I couldn’t be farked getting out, and she said she could.
Not two minutes later the poor wee sausage was TC (touching cotton) and we had to exit the pool quickly.

Too late, the eagle had landed.

No sweat really, it was our pool area, unlike a week ago when No.2 decided to leave a surprise in a friend’s communal pool.

My poor friend was mortified, luckily no-one saw it, or if they did they just pretended they hadn’t.

So back to the turd burger at my place, instead of letting me help her remove the offending item, Maddi basically dropped her swimmers and hello, out came Mr Hanky – the Christmas Poo!

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(Photo credit – southparkstudios.com)

Why oh why can’t my kids just have nice easy, solid logs.

Anyhow, after a lot of scrubbing and washing, I returned to the pool – thank goodness for Chlorine.

Now there’s a lesson to be learned here – Don’t delay now what could turn into a shit fight later!!

What have you delayed or ignored only to have it blow up in your face?!

It’s Tuesday, and just one week until Xmas, so I’m linking up with super blogger Jess at Essentially Jess –


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Freaking out about big girl school

My gorgeous, sensitive, caring and funny baby just graduated from Kindy – in a gown and cap no less!

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(there she is at the back, the only one who held up her certificate during the rest of the ceremony)

I cried as she walked down the stage but held it together as she received her certificate because I was so proud and didn’t want her to think I was sad.

This ceremony signals she is about to start big girl school and I’m about to lose my first-born to the ‘real world’.

It also means that I am no longer in control of what she does and who does what to her – like put her at the back row for her Xmas concert dance group.

This broke my heart, she’s been practising for weeks and got plonked at the back and I could honestly not see her.

It can’t be because she was the tallest because she’s not, and they left some poor crying girl at the front while some at the back were dancing their hearts out.

Some kids at the front were doing NOTHING – I could not bloody believe it!

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(she’s at the back in a pink dress, a rare moment when I saw a tiny bit of her)

And she was trying sooo hard to get the moves right, I could see her craning her head to see if I was watching, and I was, with a tear in my eye.

The entire song I was frantically trying to see just a tiny bit of her, even her head behind the others, and did finally get a glimpse of her head and waved enthusiastically at her.

And yes I know they couldn’t fit them all across the stage in a long line, but what about rotating them, or having a line of kids do something each.

I’m not having a go at my Kindy, it’s great, but I just felt so sad there were so many kids that could not be seen by their families.

It got me thinking that maybe this kind of stuff is going to happen a lot at school in the next few years and this is why I feel so cut up about her being at the back.

There will always have to be kids that have to stand at the back, or that are chosen last or are ignored by others in the playground – and it aches my heart to think it might happen to my girl.

My trip to the supermarket at 8.30pm the same night was terrible and I ended up getting cranky at a check-out chick when I usually take things in my stride.

I usually would not have cared that she glared, rolled her eyes and snarled at me when I asked an innocent question – but I did that night.

She copped a serve and I told her to stove the attitude and cut me some slack, I even walked out without my receipt.

I then sat in my car and cried for a few minutes about everything.

I’m kinda spewing about not keeping my receipt though, as I do like to see what shopper coupons are on the back – dammit!

But in hindsight maybe I was in mourning, saddened and maddened by the fact that I can no longer protect or shield my girl from the mean, nasty world and that scares the shit out of me.

She is ultra sensitive, especially when other kids are mean to her, and I can’t stand the thought of her feeling sad, rejected or unwanted at school.

What frightens me the most is that older and wiser children at school will realise how vulnerable, trusting and loving she is and take advantage of that.

OMG, why oh why did I ever want my kids to hurry and grow up!

I’m not usually one to dwell on things that I can’t change but this is different, it’s my child, my blood, a life I grew inside of me for 9 months.

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(My Maddi moo is all grown up)

Anyone got some wise words for a soon-to-be school mum? Apart from taking a teaspoon of cement to harden the f*&k up?

And yep I’m flogging my blog!!



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Hello, my name’s Emily and I’m addicted to weighing myself

I’m currently waging a war against the flab that has decided to call itself home on my body.

To be honest it didn’t just appear, I kind of helped it along its way with too much eating and drinking.

Having three kids in four years used to be my excuse but if I’m honest it’s not really a good one.

It’s just that I don’t have much willpower so I haven’t deprived myself of much in the past few years.

However, I’m now in the zone, a place where I WANT to lose weight, not just for my health but for my happiness.

And you know the tool that I use every day to motivate me?

No not the treadmill in the garage, or my sexy black dress – it’s the mighty digital scales in my bathroom, aka Sally the Scales.

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(and yes I did wait until the number had disappeared before taking this pic – see I’m not just a pretty face)

I weigh myself at LEAST 6 times a day, as soon as I wake up, after I have a shower, after breakfast, around noon, after dinner and then before bed.

Obsessed or dedicated? You be the judge.

It might sound a little whacky to some but being a serial weigher (now that can’t be a word) ensures that I’m on track with my weight loss.

I need to know right away if I’m getting results and if I’m not it just motivates me to be stronger and better at it.

If Sally tells me I’m piling it on and I’m hurting her then I don’t get disheartened I get strong.

If she tells me I’m losing weight I become even more determined not to have that bottle of bubbly in the fridge or a loaf of fresh bread with lashings of butter.

In the past four months I’ve lost about 7-8kg, I still have at least 8kg to go but unlike a few months ago, I really have the desire to do it now.

It’s summer, my kids are active and in the water all the time and I want to feel comfy in my own skin again.

Yep I have stretch marks, a jelly belly and I’m not sure my legs will ever be the same – but I know I can feel better about myself if I stick with it.

For too long I have made excuses – it’s time to cut the crap and get my fitness, health and vitality back.

I can’t guarantee I won’t fall off the wagon, especially as Xmas when I totally will drink like a fish, but as long as I can crawl back on it afterwards, then I think I’ll be okay.

Gotta go – Sally is waiting for me.

How often do you weigh yourself and why?

Linking up this Friday with



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It’s Thankful Thursday!

So I just spent the past 40 minutes writing a very lovely post about why I’m thankful for my life – and then I lost it!
No, not the plot, I actually lost my post.

A big fat boo-hoo to me right?!

But to summarise:

*I’m thankful that I have 3 children because many others can’t because of their age, circumstances and other reasons.

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Here are my three after a massive day at beach.

* I love that we have ducted air con, a pool, especially since it was 38C here a few days ago, and without coolness my PMS would have been WAY worse.

* I’m grateful that just 4 doors down a house is completely decorated in Xmas lights, it’s our nightly December ritual to walk down and see it before bed.

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Oliver just LOVES walking down to see the lights

* Christmas, I’m thankful that my children can imagine and believe in something they can’t see. When I was a child I used to sit in our big lounge, stare at the tree, lights and presents and wonder how Santa got down the chimney ( I grew up in NZ so we had one).

* The Husband, I’m always grateful for him (not to mention he reads my blog every morning on the bus on the way to work – hi gorgeous 🙂 ). Seriously though he is my rock 🙂

I wish I could retrieve what I wrote/languished over but this gives you an idea!

What are you thankful for?


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Someone will always come say ‘hi’ when you’ve just farted at the supermarket!

Very few things in this life are guaranteed, except death and taxes – but here’s a few funny things I’m sure you’ll agree with:

  • There will be a horrible, smelly teething-style poo the one time you are stupid enough to put your finger/hand down your baby’s nappy to see if there is a treasure.
  • You WILL get your period the day before you are about to have your yearly night away with your husband and are actually in the mood for some loving.
  • The one time you have unsafe sex (by this I mean no protection, not in the middle of a busy highway) with your hubby you fall pregnant, hello my precious number 3!

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(I swear this is not me or my dogs)

  • A tradie will drive past your house the one time you run outside to get the newspaper wearing your skimpy PJs without a bra to support your size F boobs (no shit they are McMassive at the moment). Or even worse an early parcel delivery man rocks up your driveway as you’re bending over to pick it up and sees your butt crack.

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(again this is not me, but it could be if I stopped eating and drinking for a year – or two)

  • When you accidentally-on-purpose fart at the supermarket, somewhere isolated of course, you will definitely bump into a teacher, your dentist or some other person you want to portray a nice image to.
  • The first time you drop the f-bomb in front of your innocent child who is learning to talk they will repeat it over and over and over, probably at the supermarket check out where a nice old lady is waiting patiently and cooing over your child.
  • You will end up waiting in line at a check out right beside the person you just had an altercation with because they took something you wanted and you saw it first, or they gave your naughty child the evil shit-eye and you pulled them up on it.

Can you relate? What embarrassing things are guaranteed to happen to you?

BTW can someone tell me how to put that cool Image Source thing below my stolen photos – otherwise some buggers gonna sue my ass.

Thanks 🙂


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My action-packed drive to the movies and why I love selfies, bogans and Team Jacob

I escaped the house this weekend and it was AMAZING!

This is how I looked in the car on the way – notice the empty car seats in the back!

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For all of you ‘I hate people who take selfies’ – well let’s just say the steering wheel took this photo – to make you feel better.

And it was at the traffic lights – I swear.

And by the way, for all you self taken photo haters – of which I know there are heaps – cut me some slack.

For starters, I’m just getting used to my new fandangle iPhone, that has the selfie option for a reason, because everyone wants to take a great shot of themselves.

Because if we’re all totally honest, no-one really likes someone else taking a photo of them, especially short people as they have to aim the camera up and that results in triple chins.

I can handle a double chin as I’m still a work in progress but not a triple.

But we all want to look a certain way in a photo, and while others might say ‘oh you look awesome’ it’s not true.

They are just saying this so you will stop asking them to take more photos of you – sound familiar???

Anyway, back to me leaving the house without any kids.

For me to go anywhere on my own is a BIG DEAL LUCILLE

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(This is Lucille Ball – for those of you youngins out there, she was an American comedian, film, television, model, film and television executive, and star of the sitcoms I Love Lucy)

Man I get off topic easily, imagine actually having a one-on-one conversation with me, I can tell you it’s not easy to follow what I’m saying half the time.

But back to the topic at hand, time to myself.

I was heading to the movies, Gold Class, to watch the final of the Twilight Saga.

For those of you who care, I used to be Team Edward, for romantic reasons, but I’ve now changed to Team Jacob, for aesthetic reasons.

As I was driving there I turned up the music very loud.

Unfortunately Hi-5 Christmas bellowed out from the speakers until I changed it to a random CD with some good Indie music.

So I wound down the front windows to feel the breeze in my hair and sung my heart out to Smashing Pumpkins.

I must’ve looked like a right royal dick but I didn’t give a shit.

I could play my music as loud as I wanted, I didn’t have to explain why there were three different coloured traffic lights and why did I go through the orange one, and I could sing as loudly and badly as I wanted.

Bliss, bliss, bliss.

I sometimes wonder if I shouldn’t just save the $40 I spend at the movies and just put that in the tank and drive for an hour, singing and bopping to my favourite music.

I should also mention that I had to drag everyone at the traffic lights, and didn’t have to worry about the kids calling me a ‘bogan’ driver!

I don’t know why I have to be the first cab off the rank, it’s just that competitive streak in me, and I do it when it’s just me in the car.

The movie was McAwesome, and just as I was leaving the shopping centre the McAwesome Husband sent me this photo….

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(L to R – No 3. No.2 and No.1)

What a bloody legend he his, feeding the kids before I got home.

I can’t see any green food there, but hey as far as I’m concerned they ate it before he took this photo – YEAH RIGHT.

But basically I got home and the kids were HANGING to see me, which is always nice.

I also had some quality time without my precious babies.

My point is…. do I ever really have a point… but if I did, it would be that it’s so important to just get away from the four walls you live in.

Whether it’s voluntarily or you just get up and leave because if you don’t you’ll go insane.

It takes a big person to admit they’re not coping and need some time out.

I’m just eternally grateful I have such a McAwesome Husband who puts up with me.

I sometimes wonder how he does it – and why.

I know it’s because he loves me, and he knows that when I’m a super cranky pants, it’s not because I don’t love him.

We always lash out at those we love the most, because we can.

He is my rock, so unfortunately he will cop it.

In saying that, there is a line in the sand, it’s reasonably invisible, but once I’ve crossed it, he lets me know.

And I’m glad he does, because you know what, I could not live without him – no shit.

So don’t feel bad about escaping, because remember a happy wife means a happy life!

And yep It’s Tuesday so I’m linking up with the awesome and helpful Jess at Essentially Jess

Oh and by the way – to find out the 5 impossible things I want for Xmas read yesterday’s post!


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5 things I really want for Christmas but probably won’t get

1. To wake up on Xmas day and be a sexy, taunt size 10-12 again (see below) without having to do any hard work, break a sweat or starve myself of wine or chocolate. I mean I gave birth three times surely that’s enough grunt work?!!

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(This is me two years ago to the day, when No. 2 was one. I fell pregnant with No.3 just 10 days after this photo was taken).

2. To know there are no sad children on Christmas morning crying because they don’t have a mumma or dadda to share it with this year. This is a rather impossible request but something I really wish could happen.

3. I’d love to wake up and find the clutter around my house (see photo below) completely cleaned up. I mean look at the weight my poor microwave has to deal with – I’m surprised it doesn’t throw something at me when I open it!

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I bet there are a few Virgos out there wishing they could come over and sort out this mess for me (you are most welcome to).

It really is quite ridiculous the amount of crap up there, mind you in an emergency I could just slide everything off the top of the microwave and I’d be sweet!
I mean there’s sunblock, scissors, candles, baby powder, a peg, lip balm, a weight watchers points book (see I am trying), a torch, sunglasses, a camera, a wallet, keys – shit it’s a bloody gold mine up there.

4. A sack full of patience that I could whip out whenever I desperately need it, especially when my kids are being kids and I’m too tired, busy or cranky to see this.

5. I would love my friends who have lost their mums to have them back, even just for one day, so they could show off their children to the person they love most in the world. Everyday I thank the universe for mine.


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Locking the kids in the wardrobe isn’t the way to get them to behave

OMFG it’s only three weeks until I can no longer use Santa to get my kids to behave well.

What the hell am I going to do on December 26?

At the moment it’s like my three offspring are permanently ignoring me, talking back or doing things they shouldn’t be.

I blamed the full moon for a few days but people are starting to look at me strange when I say it now, 4 days after it has passed.

I can cut my 14-month-age some slack because he doesn’t know it’s not cool to shit in the bath, like he did last night – man I’m glad the Husband has that gig.

However the older two and constantly pushing the boundaries, no that’s not true, they’ve escaped the boundary fence, pulled down their pants and are mooning me, that’s how far they’re pushing boundaries at the moment.

It’s got to the stage where I feel like I have the worst behaved children in the world and that I’m a dud of a mum.

Before I had kids I used to think it would be easy to get them to do what I wanted, but they have minds of their owns, damn it!

I suppose it’s a good thing, but it can make disciplining them quite tricky.

I’m quite tough on my kids and so I’m frustrated at the moment because it seems I open my mouth and they only hear – blah blah blah blah blah.

Having three kids also means there is only one of me to go around, so they can get into a lot more mischief without me knowing.

Especially when I’m tending to the youngest, No.1 always uses this opportunity to play up – see below.

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(this is No.1 and No.2 running along an ENTIRE roll of double length handy towels – yes I buy double lengths of this AND toilet paper cos I’m kinda frugal)

When asked why she did it, she told me it was because she thought it would be fun!!

Well I think it would be fun to spend to a week in Fiji by myself sipping pina coladas in the pool but I can’t just do it.

This is what I’m battling at the moment.

I’m also incredibly touchy about it – so if that woman in the chemist dares to stare at me again I’ll probably bite her head off.

In fact I’ll probably give the evil shit eye to anyone who even looks at me with that ‘you’re a shit mother’ expression.

Come spend a day as me then you can make an informed decision on whether I’m as bad as the Octomum.

On a positive note, the Husband and I have found some new strategies to keep the little shitheads in line, locking them in their wardrobe.

Just kidding, there wardrobes are way too small, we put them in our walk-in, much more space in that! 🙂