Very few things in this life are guaranteed, except death and taxes – but here’s a few funny things I’m sure you’ll agree with:
- There will be a horrible, smelly teething-style poo the one time you are stupid enough to put your finger/hand down your baby’s nappy to see if there is a treasure.
- You WILL get your period the day before you are about to have your yearly night away with your husband and are actually in the mood for some loving.
- The one time you have unsafe sex (by this I mean no protection, not in the middle of a busy highway) with your hubby you fall pregnant, hello my precious number 3!
(I swear this is not me or my dogs)
- A tradie will drive past your house the one time you run outside to get the newspaper wearing your skimpy PJs without a bra to support your size F boobs (no shit they are McMassive at the moment). Or even worse an early parcel delivery man rocks up your driveway as you’re bending over to pick it up and sees your butt crack.
(again this is not me, but it could be if I stopped eating and drinking for a year – or two)
- When you accidentally-on-purpose fart at the supermarket, somewhere isolated of course, you will definitely bump into a teacher, your dentist or some other person you want to portray a nice image to.
- The first time you drop the f-bomb in front of your innocent child who is learning to talk they will repeat it over and over and over, probably at the supermarket check out where a nice old lady is waiting patiently and cooing over your child.
- You will end up waiting in line at a check out right beside the person you just had an altercation with because they took something you wanted and you saw it first, or they gave your naughty child the evil shit-eye and you pulled them up on it.
Can you relate? What embarrassing things are guaranteed to happen to you?
BTW can someone tell me how to put that cool Image Source thing below my stolen photos – otherwise some buggers gonna sue my ass.