My gorgeous, sensitive, caring and funny baby just graduated from Kindy – in a gown and cap no less!
I cried as she walked down the stage but held it together as she received her certificate because I was so proud and didn’t want her to think I was sad.
This ceremony signals she is about to start big girl school and I’m about to lose my first-born to the ‘real world’.
It also means that I am no longer in control of what she does and who does what to her – like put her at the back row for her Xmas concert dance group.
This broke my heart, she’s been practising for weeks and got plonked at the back and I could honestly not see her.
It can’t be because she was the tallest because she’s not, and they left some poor crying girl at the front while some at the back were dancing their hearts out.
Some kids at the front were doing NOTHING – I could not bloody believe it!
(she’s at the back in a pink dress, a rare moment when I saw a tiny bit of her)
And she was trying sooo hard to get the moves right, I could see her craning her head to see if I was watching, and I was, with a tear in my eye.
The entire song I was frantically trying to see just a tiny bit of her, even her head behind the others, and did finally get a glimpse of her head and waved enthusiastically at her.
And yes I know they couldn’t fit them all across the stage in a long line, but what about rotating them, or having a line of kids do something each.
I’m not having a go at my Kindy, it’s great, but I just felt so sad there were so many kids that could not be seen by their families.
It got me thinking that maybe this kind of stuff is going to happen a lot at school in the next few years and this is why I feel so cut up about her being at the back.
There will always have to be kids that have to stand at the back, or that are chosen last or are ignored by others in the playground – and it aches my heart to think it might happen to my girl.
My trip to the supermarket at 8.30pm the same night was terrible and I ended up getting cranky at a check-out chick when I usually take things in my stride.
I usually would not have cared that she glared, rolled her eyes and snarled at me when I asked an innocent question – but I did that night.
She copped a serve and I told her to stove the attitude and cut me some slack, I even walked out without my receipt.
I then sat in my car and cried for a few minutes about everything.
I’m kinda spewing about not keeping my receipt though, as I do like to see what shopper coupons are on the back – dammit!
But in hindsight maybe I was in mourning, saddened and maddened by the fact that I can no longer protect or shield my girl from the mean, nasty world and that scares the shit out of me.
She is ultra sensitive, especially when other kids are mean to her, and I can’t stand the thought of her feeling sad, rejected or unwanted at school.
What frightens me the most is that older and wiser children at school will realise how vulnerable, trusting and loving she is and take advantage of that.
OMG, why oh why did I ever want my kids to hurry and grow up!
I’m not usually one to dwell on things that I can’t change but this is different, it’s my child, my blood, a life I grew inside of me for 9 months.
(My Maddi moo is all grown up)
Anyone got some wise words for a soon-to-be school mum? Apart from taking a teaspoon of cement to harden the f*&k up?
And yep I’m flogging my blog!!