Have a laugh on me

We're not all in the same boat, some of us struggle to even get in the boat!


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It’s Thankful Thursday!

So I just spent the past 40 minutes writing a very lovely post about why I’m thankful for my life – and then I lost it!
No, not the plot, I actually lost my post.

A big fat boo-hoo to me right?!

But to summarise:

*I’m thankful that I have 3 children because many others can’t because of their age, circumstances and other reasons.

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Here are my three after a massive day at beach.

* I love that we have ducted air con, a pool, especially since it was 38C here a few days ago, and without coolness my PMS would have been WAY worse.

* I’m grateful that just 4 doors down a house is completely decorated in Xmas lights, it’s our nightly December ritual to walk down and see it before bed.

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Oliver just LOVES walking down to see the lights

* Christmas, I’m thankful that my children can imagine and believe in something they can’t see. When I was a child I used to sit in our big lounge, stare at the tree, lights and presents and wonder how Santa got down the chimney ( I grew up in NZ so we had one).

* The Husband, I’m always grateful for him (not to mention he reads my blog every morning on the bus on the way to work – hi gorgeous 🙂 ). Seriously though he is my rock 🙂

I wish I could retrieve what I wrote/languished over but this gives you an idea!

What are you thankful for?

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Someone will always come say ‘hi’ when you’ve just farted at the supermarket!

Very few things in this life are guaranteed, except death and taxes – but here’s a few funny things I’m sure you’ll agree with:

  • There will be a horrible, smelly teething-style poo the one time you are stupid enough to put your finger/hand down your baby’s nappy to see if there is a treasure.
  • You WILL get your period the day before you are about to have your yearly night away with your husband and are actually in the mood for some loving.
  • The one time you have unsafe sex (by this I mean no protection, not in the middle of a busy highway) with your hubby you fall pregnant, hello my precious number 3!

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(I swear this is not me or my dogs)

  • A tradie will drive past your house the one time you run outside to get the newspaper wearing your skimpy PJs without a bra to support your size F boobs (no shit they are McMassive at the moment). Or even worse an early parcel delivery man rocks up your driveway as you’re bending over to pick it up and sees your butt crack.

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(again this is not me, but it could be if I stopped eating and drinking for a year – or two)

  • When you accidentally-on-purpose fart at the supermarket, somewhere isolated of course, you will definitely bump into a teacher, your dentist or some other person you want to portray a nice image to.
  • The first time you drop the f-bomb in front of your innocent child who is learning to talk they will repeat it over and over and over, probably at the supermarket check out where a nice old lady is waiting patiently and cooing over your child.
  • You will end up waiting in line at a check out right beside the person you just had an altercation with because they took something you wanted and you saw it first, or they gave your naughty child the evil shit-eye and you pulled them up on it.

Can you relate? What embarrassing things are guaranteed to happen to you?

BTW can someone tell me how to put that cool Image Source thing below my stolen photos – otherwise some buggers gonna sue my ass.

Thanks 🙂


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My action-packed drive to the movies and why I love selfies, bogans and Team Jacob

I escaped the house this weekend and it was AMAZING!

This is how I looked in the car on the way – notice the empty car seats in the back!

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For all of you ‘I hate people who take selfies’ – well let’s just say the steering wheel took this photo – to make you feel better.

And it was at the traffic lights – I swear.

And by the way, for all you self taken photo haters – of which I know there are heaps – cut me some slack.

For starters, I’m just getting used to my new fandangle iPhone, that has the selfie option for a reason, because everyone wants to take a great shot of themselves.

Because if we’re all totally honest, no-one really likes someone else taking a photo of them, especially short people as they have to aim the camera up and that results in triple chins.

I can handle a double chin as I’m still a work in progress but not a triple.

But we all want to look a certain way in a photo, and while others might say ‘oh you look awesome’ it’s not true.

They are just saying this so you will stop asking them to take more photos of you – sound familiar???

Anyway, back to me leaving the house without any kids.

For me to go anywhere on my own is a BIG DEAL LUCILLE

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(This is Lucille Ball – for those of you youngins out there, she was an American comedian, film, television, model, film and television executive, and star of the sitcoms I Love Lucy)

Man I get off topic easily, imagine actually having a one-on-one conversation with me, I can tell you it’s not easy to follow what I’m saying half the time.

But back to the topic at hand, time to myself.

I was heading to the movies, Gold Class, to watch the final of the Twilight Saga.

For those of you who care, I used to be Team Edward, for romantic reasons, but I’ve now changed to Team Jacob, for aesthetic reasons.

As I was driving there I turned up the music very loud.

Unfortunately Hi-5 Christmas bellowed out from the speakers until I changed it to a random CD with some good Indie music.

So I wound down the front windows to feel the breeze in my hair and sung my heart out to Smashing Pumpkins.

I must’ve looked like a right royal dick but I didn’t give a shit.

I could play my music as loud as I wanted, I didn’t have to explain why there were three different coloured traffic lights and why did I go through the orange one, and I could sing as loudly and badly as I wanted.

Bliss, bliss, bliss.

I sometimes wonder if I shouldn’t just save the $40 I spend at the movies and just put that in the tank and drive for an hour, singing and bopping to my favourite music.

I should also mention that I had to drag everyone at the traffic lights, and didn’t have to worry about the kids calling me a ‘bogan’ driver!

I don’t know why I have to be the first cab off the rank, it’s just that competitive streak in me, and I do it when it’s just me in the car.

The movie was McAwesome, and just as I was leaving the shopping centre the McAwesome Husband sent me this photo….

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(L to R – No 3. No.2 and No.1)

What a bloody legend he his, feeding the kids before I got home.

I can’t see any green food there, but hey as far as I’m concerned they ate it before he took this photo – YEAH RIGHT.

But basically I got home and the kids were HANGING to see me, which is always nice.

I also had some quality time without my precious babies.

My point is…. do I ever really have a point… but if I did, it would be that it’s so important to just get away from the four walls you live in.

Whether it’s voluntarily or you just get up and leave because if you don’t you’ll go insane.

It takes a big person to admit they’re not coping and need some time out.

I’m just eternally grateful I have such a McAwesome Husband who puts up with me.

I sometimes wonder how he does it – and why.

I know it’s because he loves me, and he knows that when I’m a super cranky pants, it’s not because I don’t love him.

We always lash out at those we love the most, because we can.

He is my rock, so unfortunately he will cop it.

In saying that, there is a line in the sand, it’s reasonably invisible, but once I’ve crossed it, he lets me know.

And I’m glad he does, because you know what, I could not live without him – no shit.

So don’t feel bad about escaping, because remember a happy wife means a happy life!

And yep It’s Tuesday so I’m linking up with the awesome and helpful Jess at Essentially Jess

Oh and by the way – to find out the 5 impossible things I want for Xmas read yesterday’s post!


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5 things I really want for Christmas but probably won’t get

1. To wake up on Xmas day and be a sexy, taunt size 10-12 again (see below) without having to do any hard work, break a sweat or starve myself of wine or chocolate. I mean I gave birth three times surely that’s enough grunt work?!!

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(This is me two years ago to the day, when No. 2 was one. I fell pregnant with No.3 just 10 days after this photo was taken).

2. To know there are no sad children on Christmas morning crying because they don’t have a mumma or dadda to share it with this year. This is a rather impossible request but something I really wish could happen.

3. I’d love to wake up and find the clutter around my house (see photo below) completely cleaned up. I mean look at the weight my poor microwave has to deal with – I’m surprised it doesn’t throw something at me when I open it!

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I bet there are a few Virgos out there wishing they could come over and sort out this mess for me (you are most welcome to).

It really is quite ridiculous the amount of crap up there, mind you in an emergency I could just slide everything off the top of the microwave and I’d be sweet!
I mean there’s sunblock, scissors, candles, baby powder, a peg, lip balm, a weight watchers points book (see I am trying), a torch, sunglasses, a camera, a wallet, keys – shit it’s a bloody gold mine up there.

4. A sack full of patience that I could whip out whenever I desperately need it, especially when my kids are being kids and I’m too tired, busy or cranky to see this.

5. I would love my friends who have lost their mums to have them back, even just for one day, so they could show off their children to the person they love most in the world. Everyday I thank the universe for mine.


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Locking the kids in the wardrobe isn’t the way to get them to behave

OMFG it’s only three weeks until I can no longer use Santa to get my kids to behave well.

What the hell am I going to do on December 26?

At the moment it’s like my three offspring are permanently ignoring me, talking back or doing things they shouldn’t be.

I blamed the full moon for a few days but people are starting to look at me strange when I say it now, 4 days after it has passed.

I can cut my 14-month-age some slack because he doesn’t know it’s not cool to shit in the bath, like he did last night – man I’m glad the Husband has that gig.

However the older two and constantly pushing the boundaries, no that’s not true, they’ve escaped the boundary fence, pulled down their pants and are mooning me, that’s how far they’re pushing boundaries at the moment.

It’s got to the stage where I feel like I have the worst behaved children in the world and that I’m a dud of a mum.

Before I had kids I used to think it would be easy to get them to do what I wanted, but they have minds of their owns, damn it!

I suppose it’s a good thing, but it can make disciplining them quite tricky.

I’m quite tough on my kids and so I’m frustrated at the moment because it seems I open my mouth and they only hear – blah blah blah blah blah.

Having three kids also means there is only one of me to go around, so they can get into a lot more mischief without me knowing.

Especially when I’m tending to the youngest, No.1 always uses this opportunity to play up – see below.

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(this is No.1 and No.2 running along an ENTIRE roll of double length handy towels – yes I buy double lengths of this AND toilet paper cos I’m kinda frugal)

When asked why she did it, she told me it was because she thought it would be fun!!

Well I think it would be fun to spend to a week in Fiji by myself sipping pina coladas in the pool but I can’t just do it.

This is what I’m battling at the moment.

I’m also incredibly touchy about it – so if that woman in the chemist dares to stare at me again I’ll probably bite her head off.

In fact I’ll probably give the evil shit eye to anyone who even looks at me with that ‘you’re a shit mother’ expression.

Come spend a day as me then you can make an informed decision on whether I’m as bad as the Octomum.

On a positive note, the Husband and I have found some new strategies to keep the little shitheads in line, locking them in their wardrobe.

Just kidding, there wardrobes are way too small, we put them in our walk-in, much more space in that! 🙂