I just can’t stop looking at the photo below, right now I’m just shaking my head going – who the hell is that???
In fact the Husband just walked past and said “WOW, I didn’t realise you were that big?”
(I totally adore the fact that he has always loved me for me, not how I look, and has never seen anything but beauty in me.)
You know I wouldn’t usually put such an unflattering photo of myself up for public scrutiny but I’ve got to a place where I feel I can.
It’s probably because I don’t recognise myself in this photo and I know I will NEVER go back to looking or feeling like this.
I remember feeling so fat, awkward and uncomfortable that day and I don’t think I even looked anyone in the eye – which is so not like me.
I was embarrassed of myself, and that is a feeling that I know I never want to have again.
All day I remember thinking “Oh man this is not really me, I am uncomfortable, so huge, look at my tummy, chins and arms, I wish I wasn’t so fat and horrible.”
This is one thing I know I never want to feel or think again.
I never want to have such bad self esteem.
Thankfully in the past few months, I’ve turned a corner and now look like this.
Last year I struggled in all aspects of my life following the arrival of my 3rd child in just 3.5 years.
He was unexpected, and I think I used this as an excuse to eat, drink and do whatever I wanted.
Unfortunately this included going down a path of self destruction, refusing social invites and not being in contact with friends I used to see regularly.
I was embarrassed about how I looked, but I was also not coping with everyday stuff, and I couldn’t deal with how much my life had changed.
However, 2013 is my year and I’m totally owning this sucker.
I am committed to reclaiming my life, my figure and my self esteem.
If you are in this position right now please remember that Rome wasn’t built in a day so be kind to yourself!
Have you been there and done that? Have you climbed out of a hole you thought you never could??
I’m also flogging my blog with mum to three Grace from With Some Grace for Flog Yo Blog Friday
And flashing with Bree @ Twinkle in the Eye for Flash Blog Friday