My boisterous boys have reached new levels of feralness!

Without sounding paranoid, I think my boys are secretly plotting to f#*k me up.

They have reached new heights in driving me ‘bat-shit mental’ and now verging on sending me ‘I really should trim those hairs on the palms of my hands’ crazy.

Don’t be fooled by their innocent-looking faces – they have recently written a new chapter in the boisterous boys book.

My boys are like two peas in pod at times.

Nothing stops them from doing what they shouldn’t be doing, running on couches, hurling themselves on the couches, opening the fridge and pulling everything out, turning on and off the air conditioning, getting food out of the pantry.

They truly just stare at me, laughing, as if almost daring me to tell them off or put them in the naughty corner again.

Oh sorry, did I mention they are just 3 and 1.5 years?

Honestly, I’ve no idea how to move forward from this, and embarrassingly, I think they are out of control.

And I’m not going to even weigh-in on the whole ‘give them a wee smack on the bottom that will sort them out’ debate.

It doesn’t work folks – kids will still be little shits – and teaching them it’s okay to hit someone else really isn’t the way to improve their behaviour.

Here’s a few things I know my boys do that make me want to go out to the shop, buy some cigarettes and never return. (and no I don’t smoke, but that’s the stereotypical thing people say when they talk about mums who escape desert their families).

1. They are always on the scrounge for food, so pantry/fridge gets opened 85 times a day.

2. Leaping across the couch, which freaks me out as No.3 already cut open his eye doing this a few weeks ago.

3. Crying, screaming, screeching when they don’t get want they want, which is pretty much ALL the time!

4. Waking up at 4.30am and not going back to sleep.

5. Going into the shower and trying to eat the body wash/shampoo and then pumping it all over the house – note – this is only the 1.5 year old.

Now I know they’re only little but damn they can get inside my skin like nothing ever has before.

Leaving the room doesn’t help, they seriously follow me around like flies to a cow’s bum.

Counting to 10 also doesn’t ease my blood pressure, I haven’t got the patience to meditate and while it’s tempting, I can’t start drink during the day.

Awww – aren’t they adorable little shit heads!

What’s a girl to do?? Seriously peeps words of wisdom gratefully received!

This Good Friday I’m linking with

Miss Cinders @ Saturday Morning Orge Mum for Things I know

Grace @ With Some Grace for FYBF

Cathy @ The Camera Chronicles for Flashback Friday

And Bree for Flash Blog Friday

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My precious girl arrived on this earth five years ago today – Wordless Wednesday

I shed more than a few tears as I put this post together.

Five years ago today, at about 3pm, my gorgeous girl started her journey on this earth.

Her birth was peaceful, she is amazing and I can’t imagine my life without her.

When she tells me she loves me I tell her ‘I love you more’, she then says “I love you the most’.

I wish I could go back in time and just cuddle a baby version of her one more time….

Just hours old

Battling chronic reflux, at six weeks the only way to get her to sleep for more than 20 minutes during the day was to put her on her tummy! I watched her the WHOLE time.

She has never loved food, but I persisted because having something solid in her tummy helped settle her tummy after she vomited about 15 times a day.

She had a taste for newspapers, just like her mum

Peek a boo!

My favourite photo of my girl and I!

She didn’t even start to get hair until she was 2 years old!

GORGEOUS even when she was sad

Her favourite activity was going for a bike ride with dad!

At three years old she was already wise beyond her years.

Playing doctors was her favourite thing at three years old!

The morning of her 4th birthday with her little Buzz brother

Waiting for her cake to come out!!

I love the look on her face when she sees her princess cake – just gorgeous.

Celebrating with her school friends!

Growing up so fast – she loves to scooter to school!

Gorgeous birthday girl who is SO excited she is now 5 and told the supermarket check out chick that today is ‘actually my birthday’.

If you’re anything like me there are days when you’ve had enough of battling with young children, the tantrums, the fights, the questions – but we have such an important role to play.

We grew them inside our bodies for nine months, and now for our lifetime we must nurture their souls, teach them the ways of the world and most importantly give them unconditional love.

Happy birthday princess – I love you to the moon and back!

My favourite blogging day – Wordless Wednesday with Trish at My Little Drummer Boys

Ai at Sakura Haruka

Bree @ Twinkle in the Eye

It’s amazing what people look for on the internet and come across my blog!

It blows me away the search engine terms people use, it’s a great source of amusement to me!

The majority of them were related to boobs! Seriously haven’t these people heard of online porn, stick mags or the dodgy DVD section at the video shop?

Anyway, here’s a sampler of some of the more obscure (and socially acceptable) search terms people plugged in and found my blog.

The proof that some people are just plain idiots.

1. Post about farting on a child in a supermarket – I bloody well hope it was on accident!

2. Slightly overweight shirtless naked – How flattering, but I’m confused. Do you want me to be shirtless or naked or both?

3. I’m 51 and cant get my shit together – I gotta say you’d better hurry up and start trying a wee bit harder (and learn about apostrophes).

4. Hot woman accidentally farts – It was only once and it smelled like roses – truly!

5. Land diving for kids – Glad you’re not my parent!

6. Long hair on my boobs – Buy some tweezers or get a wax, but before you do, I’m curious as to HOW long it actually is?

7. Tradies butt cracks – Whatever floats your boat.

8. Hunchback masseuse – Now this I’ve got to see, Quasi Massage, – quite a catchy name me thinks.

I can just see him wondering how the hell he got roped into the massage business. Source: senfonikankara.tumblr.com

9. A dull woman keeps an immaculate home – Damn straight they do – or that’s what I tell myself 😉

10. Do hawks laugh? – Sure they do – at your for asking such a stupid question!

Totally know this isn’t a hawk – but it’s laughing so cut me some slack. Source: palestinerose.wordpress.com

Go on share the laughter, please tell me some of the search terms you have got?? Apart from those creepy rude ones which I kinda have enough of myself!!

Another IBOT with the lovely Jess @ Essentially Jess

My daughter’s party from A to Z and why I’m totally awesome!

What a week! What a weekend! And shit oh dear it’s Monday – again!

Did you manage a sleep-in? Or at least try to fake a headache or say that you’d been up all night with ‘Johnny’ to get one – that’s always a good move.

I was fortunate to have my big sissy visiting and our children flocked to her like flies to a shit sandwich.

She was most of the reason we threw a last-minute party for my daughter’s 5th birthday.

There are heaps of people that she didn’t think of to invite (yes I let her choose) but you can’t keep everyone happy all of the time.

I know she had a fantastic day, which is all that matters.

So from start to finish, or A to Z as the case may be, here is the day in a nutshell.

Amazingly I didn’t stress or worry about the party AT ALL, despite the fact I didn’t organise a pickle ’til Friday!

But then again I did freak out when the portable CD player didn’t work for pass the bloody parcel.

Considering how hot it was, due to the massive storm that happened in the afternoon, most kids joined in the party games.

Taken by my iPhone 5

Deciding who won ‘put the chicken in the barn’ (we had no donkey) was bloody hard.

Every child got lots of prizes, but some were still upset at not winning everything – but that’s just life.

Ain’t that old man outfit so cute?!

Funnily enough my tantrum throwing baby was as happy as Larry most of the morning.

Great news for me and my sanity levels.

How long it would last I didn’t know!

I think he was too busy inhaling lollies to notice what was going on!

Some of the party gifts I wrapped up the night before

Jumping on the trampoline proved a great distraction for those who didn’t get a spot in musical chairs.

Keeping everyone happy isn’t as easy as it looks.

Luckily I had my awesome family there to help me control the rowdy crowd.

My girl had such a fun day – especially when she got her present from us!

This gorgeous outfit was handmade by Karla @ Little Miss Lacey Boutique (but that’s another whole blog post)

Needless to say – the day was a great success.

Obviously I couldn’t have done it without my awesome big sissy.

Perhaps I should also give a shout out to the Husband, who did help make room outside for a games arena!

Quite possibly he did more but I was too busy fluffing around to notice.

Really glad that I didn’t have to do it on my own.

Seeing and hearing No.1 laugh and giggle in delight with her friends made my heart smile.

Isn’t handmade wrapping paper the best (and cheapest) ever!

Tempting as it was, I did refrain from having a celebratory drinkie poo until the kids were tucked away in bed at night.

Unusual for me I know!

Very nearly fell asleep when the kids did after lunch.

Wowsers – what a day!

Xeroxing my butt would have been much easier.

You can see that from the previous statement that I am struggling for an X word.

Zero pain no gain right!

And because I love the idea of being positive at the start of the week I’m playing along with Kirsty @ My Home Truths and going tell you why I’m TOTALLY AWESOME!

1. Despite the fact I have three very dependent young children, I also work from home about 20 hours a week and help pay off the mortgage.
2. I am a good and reliable friend to those who return the favour.
3. I speak to my immediate family at least once a week, often more, not because I have to but because I want to.
4. I am a parent helper at my daughter’s school, plan to volunteer at tuckshop, play netball once a week, donate to the RSPCA, write articles about charities, read books to my kids and make dinner 5 out of 7 days a week.
5. Most of the time I usually cope with all of the above, my kids still drive me bat-shit mental, but most of the time I have my head above water – JUST!
6. The reason I am able to stay afloat is because of my McAwesome husband and I am awesome for finding him!

Why are you awesome? Or what awesome things did you do in the weekend?

Ummm – anyone tried this?

Linking with Kirsty for I Must Confess

Linking with Deb at Home Life Simplified for Listmania

And spilling my guts with Alicia at One Mother Hen for Open Slather Monday!

Walking with dinosaurs at the museum and the science centre – Wordless Wednesday

A family day at the Queensland Museum South Bank – the touring dinosaur exhibition and the always open Sciencentre.

No.3 fell asleep in the car on the way so missed the first 30 minutes of the day!

No.1 getting into the spirit of the dino exhibit, while No.2 was just making sure it wasn’t a ‘real’ dino.

Love these two!

Digging for bones!

A very proud mumma, they ADORE each other 99 per cent of the time.

No.2 was fascinated with the tornado!

Super freaky right?

What’s good for the goose!

We went up and down 24 times, 12 each way, much to the amusement of onlookers!

Leaving the museum, the kids were blown away with the size of the whale and so was I.

We’re waiting for this baby to hatch! 48 hours and counting.

HUMP DAY Wednesday and it’s Wordless!

Linking with three super ladies :

Trish at My Little Drummer Boys

Ai at Sakura Haruka

Bree @ Twinkle in the Eye

Leaping back on the netball court after a 17-year hiatus

My heart was racing, I could barely eat (a rare thing for me) and I was consumed with worry about how the next hour would unfold.

I hadn’t felt this nervous since the eve of my induction with my second child.

What could get me, Mrs I Don’t Really Give A Shit About Much, so worked up?

A GAME OF NETBALL

Yep don’t rub your computer screens, you read right, I was totally working myself up into a frenzied state because after 17 years I was about to get back on the courts.

Is this what a netball looks like?

I bet you’re thinking what an awesome looking athlete I look here 😉 – this was taken nearly 20 years ago!

I was worried because I’m TOTALLY unfit and haven’t played any sport, apart from ‘chase three little shits around the house’ in years.

Don’t let my trademark chicken legs fool you – I’m so unfit that I need to stop for drink’s break when I walk down the driveway to get the newspaper!

I also knew that if I fell or played like a gumbie then I was letting the whole team down, and I hate that shit.

Being part of a team is a big deal to me and I didn’t want to be ‘that person’ who didn’t pull their weight, literally.

All day I hoped that each beep of my phone was my friend saying the game had been cancelled (sorry Ang but it’s true :).

No amount of peep talks from friends were helping – I just had to bite the bullet, put on three bras and have a teaspoon of cement.

Check out that mighty defence lean – which ALWAYS gets my pulled up by the refs

Stressing just before I took to the court

After 10 minutes I had to sub off because my legs were jelly and I couldn’t run anymore.

I then got my second wind and played the last two quarters, some in the rain, and kicked some teenage-girl butt!

It was AWESOME, I ran around like a possessed woman, leaping, jumping, and defending that ball like it was one of my children.

We won and I felt proud that I had helped achieve this in some way.

This is blurry because we were moving SO fast 😉

And it doesn’t matter that I’m now walking a bit like a cowboy and can barely move my arms, I leaped out of my comfort zone and have become part of a team again.

What team sport did or did you play? What’s stopping you from getting back into it?

Linking with Jess @ Essentially Jess for IBOT – she is off to DPCON13 or DEF CON 3 as I like to call it – have a ball girl – wish I was there!

Do you usually speak your mind? If so, then you’ll totally be able to relate to this post.

People like me don’t just quietly live their lives – somehow we seem to offend, upset or mortify peeps without even knowing it!

And by people like me, I mean those who speak their minds, wear their heart on their sleeves, and usually call a spade a spade.

I don’t intend to offend but sometimes I do.

Image source

But I also pride myself on having the ability to put myself in someone else’s shoes – however sometimes it seems they don’t fit so well.

I could warble on here and give a zillion anecdotes but I’m going to spare you the melodrama.

So here’s a few Things I Know about myself that must annoy the crap out of people but they never tell me – what silly sausages they are.

1. I speak WAY too fast – like auctioneer fast – and if you throw in my Kiwi accent then half the time I know people are just nodding and smiling because they have not a clue what I just said.

2. Over sharing – it’s a McMassively huge habit of mine – I’ll divulge lots of random crap to strangers, check-out chicks and daycare teachers. PMS, period pain, why my eyebrows look so unruly, why my hair looks so dirty – you name it I’ll share it! I have no idea why, I sometimes just suffer from verbal diarrhoea, so shoot me!

Okay so I probably wouldn’t tell a stranger something like this!

3. I will put my screaming and tantrum-throwing children in a makeshift naughty corner in a shopping centre. It doesn’t matter where, in fact last week I made my son sit on the ground at the end of the check out until I was done. I didn’t blink an eye, I stood tall and strong and didn’t make unnecessary excuses for what I was doing. I was parenting.

I get about 15 of these a day, when he doesn’t get his way, usually they are accompanied by heading banging on tiles or whatever surface he has throw himself on.

4. As my children grow I will let them decide who they want at their birthday parties – why should I make them invite kids that they don’t want there? I know this isn’t a popular point of view but I’m also a parent that believes kids should learn they won’t always win, get a prize and have to have a few disappointments early in life. This might sound tough but I want to slowly and carefully prepare my children for the harsh reality that is the real world. And in the real world they won’t always get their way and will have to learn to cope with many setbacks.

Failure is not falling down but refusing to get up

6. I’ll NEVER sugar coat it. If someone asks how I am, especially someone I consider a friend, I’ll be straight up and tell them I’m struggling, going half insane and wish I could run away with the circus.
Don’t wanna know how I am, and I mean REALLY how I am? Then don’t ask! Last year every day was a shitty one and that is pretty much what I told anyone who asked – and with some I could almost hear the eye roll over the phone.

But then again, at least I’m honest and to me that is what friendship is all about, isn’t it?

Do you over-share info? Tell people how you really are? Or do you prefer to keep your private life private?

It’s been too long Miss Cinders @ Saturday Morning Ogre Mum but I’m back for Things I Know

And a big hug to Grace @ With Some Grace and Bree @ Twinkle in the Eye for letting me FLOG AND FLASH (and I do love flashing!)