Have a laugh on me

We're not all in the same boat, some of us struggle to even get in the boat!

It’s our job to worry for our children

45 Comments

When I took this photo I just thought it was cute because it was my boy staring into the vast ocean.

Then the more I look at it I wonder what he’s thinking about.

Taken during a gorgeous day at Burleigh beach with friends.

Taken during a gorgeous day at Burleigh beach with friends.

I bet he’s just taking in the scenery, the waves rolling in, the seagulls flying over head, and wishing he could have another wee bottle of juice, his favourite treat in the world!

And that is all I want him to be thinking about. I don’t want him to worry about a thing in the world because as his mum that is my job.

It’s my role to make sure he feels safe, happy, wanted, adored, appreciated, and loved unconditionally.

Every time I see my daughter chew her nails I ask what’s bugging her or making her anxious and then do my best to take away her worry.

As we grow older, we become more independent and take on that role ourselves.

We are the ones responsible for our own happiness – because no one else can do this for you.

It’s true that we have partners, friends and family to love and support us, but it’s foolish to rely on them to make you feel whole.

Besties!

Besties!

But it’s hard to explain to a three-year-old why we can’t invite ourselves to his daycare mate’s house for dinner.

Or why an older child is mean to him because he’s not a ‘big boy’.

We can’t shield our kids forever, but if we can educate them that we can’t be friends with everyone – then maybe we can build resilient kids.

Every day I learn something from my children, usually it’s something about ‘poo pee and wee wee sandwiches’ but sometimes it’s amazing.

Like the other night my son looked me in the eye and said ‘I lub you mum because you smell nice and lub (love) me even when I cry’.

The next day my daughter gave me a reality check, with her big brown eyes, she starred into my eyes and said ‘I don’t want you to die mum!’

I laughed it off and told her it would be ‘years and years and years and years and years and years etc etc’ until that happened.

But honestly a little piece inside of me felt crushed – because I knew there would come a time when she would mourn for me.

Anyway – enough doom and gloom – I’m going to leave you with a CUTE photo of my girl and I at my parents wee ‘ranch’ this Easter.

Awww - CUTE or what?

Awww – CUTE or what?

What have your kids taught you? What lessons do you think we should pass on to our children?

So I’m a sheep and have joined the new world of Bloglovin

Hey Jess @ Essentially Jess – thanks for another IBOT

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Author: Have A Laugh On Me

I'm a mum to three, write from home and I rarely cook, craft or clean but admire those who do. I try to live by the mantra that there's no point in worrying about something that might not happen! Be warned this is not a fluffy, sweet mummy blog, rather a place where you can cringe, laugh and be shocked at my brutally honest take on my life.

45 thoughts on “It’s our job to worry for our children

  1. Ugh, I hate broaching the topic of death with my kids. They always ask about it at some random time when we’re driving home from Grandma’s or something. No point lying to them – it’s going to happen one day – but I hate that a little part of their innocence disappears with each discussion. I wish I could take that one away from them.

  2. Death, the concept is just so hard. I think it’s only this year that I really suddenly understood it is coming for us all. Which although sometimes frightening is also weirdly freeing. Great post Em I get introspective like this lots at the moment xxxxx

  3. Now Jack is 10 he’s really starting to realise that we won’t be around forever. We’ve had a couple of nights when he’s gotten up for a cuddle because he’s upset himself thinking about that he doesn’t want to die and he doesn’t want us to die. All we can do is focus on all the great things he’s got ahead of him – and that seems to work for the moment!

  4. Nick’s biggest worry is that he’s not going to get to play on the playground at school, or we’re not going to let him watch TV. Nick bites his finger nails too but I don’t’ think he’s worried about anything, I think he’s just fidgety like his father. Where did M get the death stuff from? Nick is yet to really understand it I think. He talks about people or things being dead when he plays stuff like transformers, and he saw a dead bird the other day, but I don’t think he’s got the whole concept yet. I think the biggest thing Nick’s taught me is to be quick to forgive and forget. He can be “so so so so cross” with me one moment, and then loving on me the next. Kids don’t hold grudges.

    • I think M hears about death from TV, movies, bugs that we kill in our house. She doesn’t know anyone that has died and don’t think she really knows what it means. But then again maybe she does because she was pretty adamant that she didn’t want me to die. Maybe it’s from her NZ grandma’s dog dying?! As for forgiving and forgetting, best thing EVER to learn I reckon x

  5. Aaaww bless!
    My kids have taught me many things, too many to mention here.
    If I only had one lesson left, it would be to treat others respectfully, the way they deserve to be treated. That’s important I reckon…
    Now get back to the posts about poo and wee and drinking too much. Robes X

  6. Those are the statements that really hurt, we really cant be there for them forever. We just do the best we can to prepare them for the world. My boys tell me they are never going to leave home, they get worried that they wont be with us one day. We just tell them they can live with us forever. Surely they will change their minds one day.. right? πŸ˜‰
    #teamIBOT

  7. Em, this is my biggest worry, that I won’t always be there to take Bell’s fears away. I never thought about mortality until I became a mum, and I hope it’s at least another 100 years before that’s an issue!
    Hope you had a gorgeous Easter xx

  8. Hi Em, my kids have taught me to live in the moment, that kids are little sponges always absorbing things.
    My kids do talk about death but don’t really understand the concept as yet. Xlisa

  9. I go into panic over those things (so I wish I hadn’t read it – sorry)….my daughter goes on and on about when we all die in that 3 year old matter of fact way. I know it’s normal but I just want to say “WILL YOU SHUT UP?” But I don’t. I might have to come back and say it to you if you’ve sent me into a tail spin in my head….
    As an old lady existentialist, this is not my comfort zone….If I can stop being all self involved, I’ll come back and answer your question of what have the kids taught me… πŸ™‚

    • I’m not offended Lydia, and sorry for upsetting you, you now me well enough that’s never my intention. I think the best thing we can do for our kids when the subject of death comes up is to just brush it off, why make them deal with emotions they might not (hopefully) have to deal with for a long time. HUGS πŸ™‚ xxxx

  10. Such a thought provoking post Em, you had me smiling and then you had me weary and then you had me
    smiling again. Sometimes children are so perceptive, as much as we wish we could be here for them forever, I think they do begin to realise as they grow that that isn’t going to be the case. Sometimes they choose to have a good old matter of fact chat about it , Mikael (7) reminded me the other day how I won’t be around by the time there are flying cars πŸ˜‰ while other times they worry like the numerous times he tells me that he doesn’t want me to be a grandma because that would mean I would die soon.

  11. Thank you lovely for the poignant reminder, now I better go and give those kids a big, tight hug. Love the pic πŸ™‚

  12. Awwww I LOVE that photo of us x

  13. Gorgeous post Emily, i agree – life and people stink sometimes – we can build resilient kids if we teach them kindness even if the other kids are ratbags and don’t play fair.

  14. The whole idea of family and friends is to catch you when you fall. Great post Emily.

  15. Sometimes I get frustrated with my kids (18 & 16) because we HAVE achieved exactly what we set out to do – protected them. Every now and then I realise they have absolutely NO clue how tough life can be for other kids their age – I know, coz I was one of them. I’m glad they’ve never had to worry about anything much but I guess I’m realising that maybe some of my childhood difficulties were a blessing in disguise?

    • eg gave me greater empathy, and I had to build resilience early on, etc

    • I think because you haven’t had the most amazing childhood that you have made sure your kids didn’t have what you had growing up, my mum did the same for me, for some of the same reasons. And in those early years I was a little naive but as I grew older I learned things when I should have, and in good time, and I don’t feel like I missed out or was less ‘street wise’. You’ve done a great job! xxx

  16. Beautiful post Emily. If I could pass any lesson on to my children, it would be to always follow your heart. Always.

  17. Oh gosh, I think about this all the time. I don’t want Punky to have to worry about anything, let alone the things that I used to worry about as a teenager! I wish I could make her happy and content every day forever!

    • Yay I get one of the first Punky comments! I think we’ll find it hard to stop our girls from worrying about teenage stuff we did, but at least we’re aware of it! And hopefully will mother them so they come to us when they need to πŸ™‚ xxx

  18. Beautiful, beautiful photo Em – just love that one of your boy! I have learned to be more patient with my kids – I’m still nowhere near patient enough, but I am slowly improving!

  19. Lovely post Em and I can so relate. I seem to be going to be every night recently with some kind of twist in my stomach (full of some kind of mummy guilt) that I’m not protecting them enough, or teaching them how to protect themselves. It’s so hard to know what’s best/ My Master J (who’s six) keeps telling me that some big boys are calling him a scardy cat at school. I hate it so much and it’s so hard to know how to deal with it best. Anyway, like you say enough doom and gloom – all we can do it love them to death (well not literally) xxx

    • Oh my heart breaks for you, I wish that our children didn’t have to go through this… I hope that it doesn’t last for long, but if it does, then ask his teacher. I said something to my girl’s carer when she was being told she was ‘stinky’ every day. It’s no acceptable. I hate that knife in the gut feeling that only a mummy has (and it’s hard to explain to the daddy) HUGS.. Em x

  20. That photo of your little man is so gorgeous.
    I hate the thought of my kiddies growing up, and ever having to worry about anything. Can’t we just keep them safe and innocent forever?
    oh and BTW, your bloglovin link goes to another post of yours.

  21. Oh, this is such an honest, heartfelt post! I cried a bit. What a complicated thing this life is, right? You hit the terrifying beauty and the heartache of it so wonderfully. The pictures just add power to the poignancy of it all!

  22. Mine are a bit older, and, don’t faint, I try to make their life a bit harder these days. Try to stand back and not intervene to sort things out, especially for the teens. I really do see my job as to teach them to be independent adults, and getting themselves out of the shit they get themselves into is a big part of that. or is that just me!!

  23. I love this photo of you guys. And the one of your son. No, we can’t protect forever, all we can do is our best to streed them in the right direction for the life of independence. We will a,ways worry! X

  24. Out of the mouths of babes – they always come up with the unexpected don’t they ? I agree with Seana – I have been known to stand back and put obstacles in K’s way in order for her to learn that there is a big bad world out there and to prepare her for it.
    Have a great week !
    Me

  25. I wish we didn’t have to teach them about the big bad world. I wish it was all hearts and flowers.
    It broke my heart when my son came home from pre-school to tell me he was punched – pre-school! We did all the right things but I wasn’t expecting this so early. I like your comment to reinforce that not everyone will like them, it is a sad reality, but one that they need to be equipped with.
    My husband particularly wants to ensure that our son takes losing better, so he makes sure he beats him in things every now. There is tears and tantrums sometimes and then out of no where a ‘well done Dad’!
    Becc @ Take Charge Now

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