Have a laugh on me

We're not all in the same boat, some of us struggle to even get in the boat!


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I used to sell rubbers, happy endings and pack apples!

Don’t you hate those pushy, annoying sales people who are SUPER annoying friendly??

I used to be one of them :(.

It wasn’t by choice, I worked at a sunglass shop during my university holidays and my boss was a dip shit!

She thought the more that I haggled her customers the more they would buy her sunglasses.

But with some worth $300 a pop – it was not as easy as she thought – and this was back in 1997!

This is me during my first year of uni - with my $350 RR Oakley - sunglasses! Got them dirt cheap though! Also notice the beer poster on my wall - all class peeps all class!

This is me during my first year of uni – with my $350 RR Oakley – sunglasses! Got them dirt cheap though! Also notice the beer poster on my wall – all class peeps all class!


Everyone that walked in the door I had to speak to, annoy and almost BEG for a sale – it was cringe worthy!

In saying that I used to get great specs at cost + GST – which is DIRT CHEAP.

Just so you know, the mark-up on sunnies is about 300 per cent!

One place I never had to beg for customers was the cinema – a job that I got paid $4.20 an hour for when I was 16.

This could be me, except my teeth aren't that white!

This could be me, except my teeth aren’t that white!

The perks were free movies every week, all the popcorn I could stomach, and spying on EVERYONE who came to the movies!

However, I did have to wear a bow tie, a waistcoat and stockings…

But I did enjoy earning money to put petrol in my 1977 Ford Escort!

This was my first car (except it was granny, pale blue - how cool is it?) My parents gave it to me - I know right, they are amazing!

This was my first car (except it was granny, pale blue – how cool is it?) My parents gave it to me – I know right, they are amazing!


I also had another job when I was a high school/uni – it was at a family friend’s orchard (in NZ).

I used to thin apples – a BORING job of taking apples off a vine so more can grow bigger.

Kind of like natural selection but not really because we selected the apples that went :(.

When I was thinning apples I had a Discman... and it sucked when it fell off from one of these high ladders!!!

When I was thinning apples I had a Discman… and it sucked when it fell off from one of these high ladders!!!


I had another orchard-type job in my final year of high school – PACKING APPLES for export!

Talk about BAT-SHIT BORING – but I made money to get booze freedom!

I used to board with a vision impaired 80-year-old in my last year of high school, and to escape I worked at an apple packing place a bit like this!

I used to private board with a vision impaired 80-year-old in my last year of high school, and to escape her at nights, I used to work at an apple packing place a bit like this! Image source

One of my favourite jobs was working at Para Rubber (The NZ version of Clark Rubber) while I studied at uni.

The only downside was that I worked EVERY Saturday and Sunday.

For those who have been to uni – you will know this took some commitment because I used to party every week from Thursday to Sunday like it was 1999 (even though it was only 1997).

I used to get over by a big feast of Burger King (as it was known in NZ in 1998)

I used to get over my hangover by a big feast of Burger King (as it was known in NZ in 1998) Image source

My boss was amazing, as were my colleagues, one in her 50s, and they used to re-live their lives through me!

In fact their eyes would dance listening to my weekly dramas updates!

At Para I also worked with a trainee-doctor – sadly he and his father died tragically in a yachting accident about 10 years ago – but that’s a whole other blog post.

BUT if you wanna know about foam, o-rings, pool chemicals, gumboots, washers, rain coats, spa pools – then I’m your girl!

I was very excited when I entered search engine terms and this came up - this is the EXACT shop front, in Palmerston North, NZ, that I used to work at - owned by Paul!

I was very excited when I entered search engine terms and this came up – this is the EXACT shop front, in Palmerston North, NZ, that I used to work at – owned by Paul and Sheree!

From a young age I have always worked.

In fact – at just eight-years-old I used to crack walnuts and collect pine cones for my parents just to make a buck!

I want my children to learn that you have to work hard to get what you want in life – things just don’t magically appear.

What do you do to teach your children the value of hard work/money? What did you spend your $4.20 an hour on?

WHOOP WHOOP – here’s to me finally hanging at the “Lounge” – this week it’s being hosted by Kim at Falling Face First

And of course – thanks to the lovely Grace at With Some Grace – I am also flogging my blog



51 Comments

Now you see it – now you don’t – Wordless Wednesday!

LOVING being able to play with Vegemite!

LOVING being able to play with Vegemite!

Cracking the shits when I take it away - a great party trick me thinks!

Cracking the shits when I take it away because breakfast is over – a great party trick me thinks!

Lucky I don’t have audio of my screecher feature in action – it was LOUD!

On this Wordless Wednesday I’m linking with:

The lovely Trish at My Little Drummer Boys

My Little Drummer Boys

Bree @ Twinkle in the Eye

And Ai at Sakura Haruka


61 Comments

Why we blurt out stuff no one gives a flying fug about!

As far as over sharing goes I take the gong – those who know me personally will be nodding right about now.

I have a compulsion to blurt out all sorts of stuff no one really gives a flying fug about!

Take a visit to my hairdresser last week:

Are you impressed with how I managed to take this so NO ONE could tell - look at that concentration on my face!

Are you impressed with how I managed to take this so NO ONE could tell – man it’s not til I see this photo that my mum was right – I TOTALLY needed a mop chop!

Mildred (not real name) has been ‘doing’ me for five years and commented that I had lost weight (I haven’t – I was dressed in black from head to toe).

To which I replied: “Actually I’ve just eaten a massive lunch, I’ve got PMS and my stomach is huge I look like I’m expecting a fourth child”!

She was just lucky I didn’t grab a chunk of my love handle and show her what I meant – something I often do around my nearest and dearest.

fafd

I then proceeded to apologise for my “milk breathe” because I had just drunken an iced coffee – WTF – who cares right?

But that’s how I roll, like a train wreck down a hill.

No-one is safe, especially those who can’t walk away from me – eg check-out dragons chicks.

Most regret asking their polite “how has your day been?”.

This image has no relevance to this post but it's bloody funny!

This image has no relevance to this post but it’s bloody funny!

This week I’m heading to my first ever bloggy meet up where I’ll meet lots of awesome women – including Janet (organiser) from Redland City Living and Lisa from Random Acts of Zen (sorry not sure who else).

They will totally get to see me in action, but I’m determined to wash my locks so I won’t have to make an excuse for why it looks like a grease trap!

If you had meet me on this day I would have pointed out the volcano on my chin and then patted my head and explained I had just had a massage hence the wet-looking hair

If you had meet me on this day I would have pointed out the volcano on my chin and then patted my head and explained I had just had a massage hence the greasy hair.

In saying that, as soon as I think someone is staring at my face for more than five seconds I will make some comment about how I need my eyebrows waxed, better face cream and a nose job.

As if anyone would have noticed my ‘flaws’ unless I had pointed it out.

It’s funny because I’m sure no one gives a left boob how I look – but guaranteed as soon as I point it out – someone will search for the spew on my shoulder!

What I think my eyebrows look like! Image source www.tumblr.com

What I think my eyebrows look like! Image source



I know most bloggers are over-sharers – but are you like me and point out stuff before someone else can pick up on it? Why oh why do we do it?

Have a great week peeps – I’ve got mum visiting this week to help me me de-feralclutter my house – should be a nightmarefun!

Thanks to the lovely Jess @ Essentially Jess for the IBOT link.


74 Comments

Have you tried having a Fug All Friday recently?

Oh how I miss being lazy!

Kids are just such high maintenance – “I want lunch”, “wipe my bum”, “unhook me from the washing line”, “let me in the house – it’s raining”.

Today my boys asked for macaroni for lunch, well the one that could speak did.

He was quite upset when I gave him a bowl of pasta, without cheese sauce.

I tried to explain it was Fug All Friday – he didn’t get it – strange that.

This is what happens when you don't give your children attention, they start WWF-ing each other!

This is what happens when you don’t give your children attention, they start WWF-ing each other!

I wish someone would invent a kids feeding system like they have for cats, where they tap a container and food rolls out the bottom.

Even a toddler-sized cat flap would be handy – especially one with a lock 😉

I find Fridays extremely annoying after a long week, I just want to do diddly squat but kids make that impossible.

A few months ago I wrote about my F*%K All Friday policy – where I do nothing all day (it explains the rules and ’tis quite amusing).

It’s kinda hard to let go – but with practise you too can transform your Friday into a day of sloth.

Start with letting the kids do whatever they want!

Riding a roll of wrapping paper as a horse

Riding a roll of wrapping paper as a horse

This frees you up to do useless shit such as playing on your phone, blogging, and taking lots of selfies with your kids.

Usually they’re keen to oblige as are high on the bucket loads of sugar you gave them to keep them away from you for five minutes.

Look at his eyes - he's totally thinking - "I'm going to snap her neck in half unless she feeds me more JUICE!"

Look at his eyes – he’s totally thinking – “I’m going to snap her neck in half unless she feeds me more lollies!”

Geez, what a stunning photo that is of me!

Geez, what a stunning photo that is of me!

If you’ve succeeded in hiding from the ferals wee darlings for 10 minutes (usually by locking yourself in the toilet) – use this time wisely.

Whatever you do don’t waste it by doing the dishes, the washing or removing porridge stuck to your child’s forehead.

Try your hardest to ignore any thoughts of what to cook for dinner and DO NOT pick up any toys.

Totally going to leave this here all day and tell the husband I had SUCH a frantic day I hadn't got around to it yet

Totally going to leave this here all day and tell the husband I had SUCH a frantic day I hadn’t got around to it yet

A big thanks for the life Jess - I used it to smash level 100!

A big thanks for the life Jess – I used it to smash level 100!

I totally photo bombed my son during his sleep and lay their for 40 minutes!

I totally photo bombed my son during his sleep and lay their for 40 minutes!

I figure that surely one day a week I can do fug all without feeling guilty.

And realistically it’s not as though I’ve done nothing all day.

This is what I’ve done:

1. Fed, dressed and wiped three kids’ bums all before 8am.
2. WALKED to school, at one stage all three were on the stroller as we were late and I had to run – what a sight!
3. Cooked pasta, put spoons in bowls, cut apple and unwrapped lollipops.
4. Opened the back door and encouraged them to go outside – they didn’t want to – even after I told them rain would make them grow strong!
5. Stood in front of fridge and cupboard for five minutes so the boys couldn’t raid it for more lollies.

See I haven’t been completely useless!

And I will TOTALLY tell the Husband I’ve spent all day chasing after kids, tidying up and that the mess was made five minutes before he walked in the door.

Did you have a lazy Friday? Are you capable of doing nothing and not feel guilty?

Finally a blog just for FYBF!!!

Hola Grace, you’re a fabulous host!



32 Comments

This hospital play area for kids looks worse than a prison – Wordless Wednesday

A cage without any toys is considered a play area at the Cairns Base Hospital – WTF?

I have to say I felt more than a little sad when I saw there were NO TOYS AT ALL in here.

Cairns Base Hospital – I have to say I felt more than a little sad when I saw there were NO TOYS AT ALL in here.

hsopp

LINKING with:

The lovely Trish at My Little Drummer Boys

My Little Drummer Boys

Bree @ Twinkle in the Eye

And Ai at Sakura Haruka


66 Comments

I faked it ’til I debated it – on stage after a 10-year hiatus!

Minutes before I planned to publicly fake an orgasm on stage I wasn’t sure I could go through with it.

Especially since I’m not a great faker to start with!

But I did it – much to the shock of everyone 🙂

On Saturday night I was a ‘celebrity’ o-grade speaker for a Women’s Health and Wellbeing Expo Great Debate.

Here's the gorgeous women I spoke alongside, notice how they are all looking at the one camera - EXCEPT ME! I actually look like an usher amongst all the glam girls! L to R - Lyn Traill , Ruth Simons, ME, Petrina Zaphir , Bridget Daley,  Chrissy Keepance. (pic can removed if any of you AWESOME/NICE women want me to - Em)

Here’s the gorgeous women I spoke alongside, notice how they are all looking at the one camera – EXCEPT ME! I actually look like I’m photo bombing these glam girls! L to R – Lyn Traill
, Ruth Simons, ME, Petrina Zaphir , Bridget Daley, Chrissy Keepance.
(pic can removed if any of you lovely women want me to – Em)

It’s been at least a decade since I’ve spoken publicly – well except to tell off my three children – and I didn’t know if I could do it.

But I was so excited to be asked by the fantastic event organiser, Jo @ Breeze Events, and felt honoured to be involved in such a great Gold Coast community event.

Here’s proof I did it!

I really hate how the podium looks like an extension of my belly! And no I'm not expecting a 4th!

I really hate how the podium looks like an extension of my belly! And no I’m not expecting a 4th! On the far right is Mandy Nolan, stand-up extraordinaire, more about her below.

But being a last minute Larry – I still hadn’t completed my speech 48 hours before the event.

However, to cut myself some slack, on Thursday I dropped sticks to surprise my big sister (in hospital) and honestly didn’t have time to write it beforehand.

I did give it a shot on the way up in the plane!

btge1

dbtae

For some reason what I wrote a little tipsy wasn’t as good as I thought it was – strange that ;).

So my gorgeous sissy and I spent the day before the debate nutting out my speech.

We spent lots of time laughing – just what she needed.

I had to speak for five minutes on why Nice Girls Come First.

As I said, I opened my speech with an O – I’m sure the audience thought I was imitating a screaming monkey!

I do look a little bit like a screaming monkey here!

I do look a little bit like a very-toothy screaming monkey here!

But I told the audience:

NO – it was just me COMING first! (thankfully the crowd laughed, some clapped – bless their cotton socks).

Then I followed with this:

I know I am not the only nice girl who comes first in the bedroom.

Take well-known, all-round great gal Kate Middleton, wife of Prince William.

I BET SHE TREATS HER WILLY BY COMING FIRST.

I didn’t BANG on about this, and made my point that I thought you could still come first by being a nice girl the majority, but not all, of the time.

Anyway – I had two awesome supporters who laughed at my jokes and made the speech a little easier.

WHOOP WHOOP - thanks girls - without you there I truly couldn't have done it!

WHOOP WHOOP – thanks girls – without you there I truly couldn’t have done it!

As I took to the stage, my lil’ sis called my older sis (who helped me write my speech) and she heard the debate via phone from her hospital bed.

She text me later saying:

“Well done Ems, I got to hear it and was so proud of you, I was crying.
Take pleasure in knowing you were asked there and have balls to get up on stage.
Oh so proud, now get drinking!”

(and because I always do what I’m told – I did – get drinking that is).

And while the best part of the night was sitting down after my speech (I was the LAST speaker), the main highlight was comedian Mandy Nolan – our MC.

She did a stand-up routine before the debate.

Shit that girl can make me laugh and she had the crowd in stitches – I nearly wet my pants (damn you bubbly and having three kids in three and a half years).

And during her routine before the debate I sneaked out front to listen to her – she’s a hoot!

I stole this from Mandy's Facebook page - https://www.facebook.com/mandynolancomedy

I stole this from Mandy’s Facebook page – https://www.facebook.com/mandynolancomedy

She is someone I admire – she is honest, brutal and hilarious – and without sounding like a groupie, I LOVE HER!

ANYHOE – for embarrassing myself in public – I was given a facial voucher, a lovely drop of red, chocolates, and other goodies.

But what I loved most about the night was that I stepped out of my comfort zone and spoke alongside a great calibre of women.

It was exhilarating and freaky at the same time.

In saying that – I’d do again in a heartbeat.

Would you get up and have pretend to fake an O in front of 100 people? Are you a confident public speaker?

And do you think NICE GIRLS FINISH FIRST?

Go and visit all the other blogs linking with Jess @ Essentially Jess today!


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I got a Random Act of Zen when it was needed the most!

Sometimes the universe has a way of sending us what we need.

Right now someone I love dearly is going through a pretty rough ordeal, something no one should have to go through.

I was feeling useless because I can’t be there by her side – then I heard a knock at the door.

And it was a person from lotto telling me I had just won $100,000.

Nah just kidding – it was the parcel lady and she handed me this – well it was in a mail bag but you know what I mean.

I was more than a little excited to give something other than a helicopter part in the mail (my hubby flies them)

I was more than a little excited to get something other than a helicopter part in the mail (my hubby flies them).

Inside was this!

This is a gorgeous, hand-crafted necklace and awesome resin bracelet from Zen designs - http://www.zendesigns.com.au

This is a gorgeous, hand-crafted necklace and awesome resin bracelet from Zen designs – http://www.zendesigns.com.au

As well as this!

zeni

Now I’m not sure I deserve these amazing treasures – but I know a fragile person who could do with getting a random act of zen right now.

So I will be sending these to a gorgeous soul who deserves a little good news right now.

You can find more about Lisa and view her amazing designs at the below links:

http://www.zendesigns.com.au/

https://www.facebook.com/ZenDesigns

If you believe in karma and that what goes around comes around – then pass on some good karma, or do a random act of kindness.

And if you’re a god person, please say a wee prayer for the amazing person in my life.

Thanks a million – I’ll be sure to do the same.

In fact I think I can see an old, sad, blind, lady in a wheelchair who needs help crossing the road – gotta go 😉

Em


25 Comments

The evil shit-eye made an appearance during my magical Mother’s Day – Wordless Wednesday!

My cute waiter was happy to bring me pancakes in bed!

My cute waiter was happy to bring me pancakes in bed!

I forgot to take off my sunnies- but isn't she CUTE!

Then it was out to lunch with my parents and sister – so LOTS of selfies with the kids – I forgot to take off my sunnies but isn’t she CUTE!

I did manage to take them off with my middle baby!

I did manage to take them off with my middle baby!

Here is my three with my amazing mumma and their nanny!! Notice No.3 looking like he wants to kill me.

Here is my three with my amazing mumma and their nanny!! Notice No.3 looking like he wants to kill me with his texter – luckily it’s one of those invisible ones!

If you didn't notice before here is my youngest giving me the evil shit eye!

Here’s a close up of my youngest giving me the evil shit eye!

NO MUM! I don't need help!

NO MUM! I don’t need help!

Having fun going down the hill!

Concentrating going down the hill but LOVING it!

Totally having a ball doing this - over and over and over!

Totally having a ball doing this – over and over and over!

Such a big girl now!

Such a big girl now!

Getting some speed up going down the hill!

Getting some speed up going down the hill!

Being cheeky!

Being cheeky with a sanity saver – aka – lollipop at restaurant!

This is my gorgeous mumma and I - after a 'few' bubbles!

This is my gorgeous mumma and I – after a ‘few’ bubbles!

I hope you all had a Happy Mother’s Day last week – did you get or do anything unusual?


LINKING with:

Trish at My Little Drummer Boys

My Little Drummer Boys

The Breezer! @ Twinkle in the Eye

And the lovely Ai at Sakura Haruka


76 Comments

I’m creating a chocolate pool serviced by half-naked men – a post written using search engine terms

I’m dead set going to make my fortune by operating a chocolate pool because that is how 33 people came across have a laugh on me.

chocolate pool

The old couple down the road, the cheeky man in bathtub , and the one with big natural tits would also be welcome.

Topics up for discussion could include why my hubby loves my cleavage, mops and brooms, what I did last week, that sissy at netball, and does motherhood get harder as kids get older.

Obviously very little needs to be worn in the pool full of chocolate, but I ask fans of candy crush to please come in candy crush themed outfit – but not literally.

A half-naked man may or may not be there for a virgo fed up but it’s a sure bet there’ll be some sissies in love there.

I'm sure they're just talking and not exchanging sweet nothings! Image source

I’m sure they’re just talking and not exchanging sweet nothings!
Image source

Those with a saggy boobs birthday wish will be catered for, especially those who know a farmer named bindi in new zealand north island.

I finally got my shit together and asked jack hughman and wife to be VIP’s, but they told me they prefer a bed covered in rose petals over a big chocolate pool – maybe they were worried about a woman accidentally farting.

I originally contemplated fences for kids who are ratbags and get under them, but luckily a naked man doing dishes – aka – the Husband – talked me out of it.

As an aside, my husband awesome dad recently busted me bending over picking up newspaper and thought “wow that’s my woman flashing delivery guy“.

Luckily he didn’t snap me talking to my hunchback masseuse who in the past has admitted that he has boobs bigger than head – I told him I could relate.

Often i laugh when he kisses me but it’s not in a laughing airhostess kinda way it’s more of a dentist laugh at me platonic kind of way.

See, like this sort of face eg "I'm NOT in to you Mr Hunchback masseuse!"

See, like this sort of face I pull eg “I’m NOT in to you Mr Hunchback masseuse!”

Anyway, back to the chocolate pool, I promise I will remove the long hair on my boobs before I test it.

It might take me 7 years to get my shit together but as long as I can keep the woman farting buttcrack away, would you be keen to visit?

I promise what goes on tour stays on tour and you’ll be saying to yourself thank god i’m fabulous for taking the plunge in the nude!

For those who choose to frequent the pool with chocolate in it, this is the moment to relax and dream about a naked man cleaning dishes and take time to look after your back .

This dude looks like he’s about to “do” the bench! Image source

And don’t worry if you have a wee accident because no one’s going to drive past your house and think you have a bloody useless husband for letting you expose your granny cleavage or allowing you to wee in my pool.

I truly think this is a way I will be able to carve out an identity of myself, it sure beats my idea of creating gangnam pasta, donating blood mantras or doing some pr for little mermaid.

But right now I have to go and do a sneaky poo and find a real good gorilla suit to serenade the hen night.

Am I on a roll with this swimming in chocolate idea? Or do you want to cut me off?

This is for those Goyte fans - especially you Saree!  Image sauce

This is for those Goyte fans – especially you Saree!
Image sauce


(All of the words in BOLD are search engine terms people have typed in and found my blog – they make me laugh on a daily basis – I hope you’ve had a wee giggle too!)

Thanks Jess for letting me link for IBOT – I wouldn’t miss it for the world…


17 Comments

Guess who met Richard Branson today?

It wasn’t me – but my younger sister totally did this a few hours ago!!!

One to show the kids for sure wee blisseeeeeee!

One to show the kids for sure wee blisseeeeeee!

She works at Virgin, obviously, and he came for a meet and greet this afternoon.

And there were hundreds of peeps and security around but I’m proud to say that she managed to tap Mr B on the shoulder and ask for a photo.

He said “yes” and the rest is history!

What are the chances of capturing a blink? Not many, if any!

What are the chances of capturing a blink? Not many, if any!

Anyway, I am TOTALLY in awe of her for having the guts, confidence and ability to walk up to one of the world’s most famous men and photobomb ask for a photo with him.

You totally rock sissy – no shit!

Here are some more pics of Mr B crowd chilling with the V gang!

What a dude!

What a dude!

Totally in awe of him, my sissy just HAD to touch his freshly ironed white shirt!

Totally in awe of him, my sissy just HAD to touch his freshly ironed white shirt!

YEP, that is totally his SHOES being worshipped by the crowd as he STAGE DIVED (wee sissy in foreground, love you!)

YEP, that is totally his SHOES being worshipped by the crowd as he STAGE DIVED (wee sissy in foreground, love you!)

And just recently my older sister had an AMAZING few days working chilling with the talented actor Russell Crowe!

She said he was extremely smart, thoughtful, clever and very loving and connected to his kids 🙂

My older sissy said she could also feel his whiskers on her face - SWOON!

My older sissy said she could also feel his whiskers on her face – SWOON!

It seems I’m the only sister with no claim to fame – okay I did get the chance to interview NZ’s first female Prime Minister (YAWN) Helen Clark.

She was WAY nicer than the media portrayed her, and I wish she was given more credit for all that she achieved. She really is a pioneer and I think she is proof that women can be or do anything they desire.

Helen Clark - NZ's first EVER  women Prime Minister, who I had the privilege to meet and interview on numerous occasions as a journo back in NZ some 8 years ago.

Helen Clark – NZ’s first EVER women Prime Minister, who I had the privilege to meet and interview on numerous occasions as a journo back in NZ some 8 years ago.

However, today I’m just super proud, envious, and totally in awe of my wee sissy.

If you want something, go out and grab it, it won’t come to you!


10 Comments

The education system is destroying the self confidence of young school goers

A lot of people think that teachers have it sweet because they get lots of holidays – but I honestly think they deserve MORE!

Yikes these men and women deserve a medal, not just for putting up with dozens of snotty, cranky, cheeky, shitty, farty kids, but for their dedication to teaching.

Each week I parent help in my daughter’s prep classroom – not just to spy on her but to be involved in her schooling.

I was completely shocked at what these 4.5 to 6 years are having to do during their second term at school.

WHO THE HELL ARE THE IDIOTS IN CHARGE OF THIS NATIONAL CURRICULUM?

Yeah yeah I know it’s to make sure the whole country is at the same level blah blah blah bloody blah.

I seriously believe the ridiculously high standards kids have to meet will have a detrimental effect on the self esteem of many.

For example, after just one term my daughter is expected to read a book, a level 2 or 3. This is because kids have a list of sight words they must memorise and lots of these books have SOME of these sights words in.

Every week they get six or so new words and at the end of the week they are tested on them, and if they don’t remember them, NO STAR STAMP!

fdgqg

Talk about devastation for a vulnerable child who is desperate to please her teacher and parents.

If parents don’t sit their kids down and drum these words into them, then their children won’t pass the dozens tests they’re given each term.

They’ll be left behind, feel that they’re not as smart as the others and even begin to feel deflated and not want to go to school.

Thankfully my daughter seems to be okay and getting it – but lots aren’t – I’ve seen them in class struggling and it breaks my heart.

Her first school photo - cute right?

Her first school photo – cute right?

Precious preppies head to school eager, ready to learn and have fun with new friends.

But what they’re expected to do is quite frankly, unreasonable.

Most teachers and teachers aides I have spoken to have said there is no such thing as Prep anymore, Prep is now basically Grade 1 – and I believe it.

They have expressed their angst and frustration at what they have to teach kids in their FIRST year at school.

Today my daughter’s class is being on assessed on retelling a story – simple right???

WRONG!

They have to retell the story, draw some pictures and then WRITE A SENTENCE to describe each picture – WTF

If you’re a mum with young kids, you will know this is not something that comes easily to most 4.5 – 5.5-year-olds.

I’m furious at how much pressure these kids are under.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe in the school system, but not when it puts so much pressure on young ones to know how to read in just a few months.

Or when it makes a child of average/normal intellect feel they are inadequate or thick.

I have seen kids in my daughter’s class just struggling to stay attentive for nearly two hours with no break.

Half of the kids can’t do the task, lots can but then again I’ve seen the top of the class struggle also.

Image source utscpulse.blogspot.com

Image source utscpulse.blogspot.com

Why can’t they send kids outside to play more, to run around the classroom just for five minutes.

I bet teachers YEARN to do this with this young preppies, and some do, but then I’m sure there’s a part of them worrying they have to get 24 kids to write a sentence the next day.

The sad thing is, it’s only going to get harder for kids, and I’m sad to say I believe this approach is going to bite the education system on the bum.

After five or six years of schooling, some will be so far behind or disengaged they’ll lose interest.

I’m so disenchanted with the unrealistic expectations that I no longer stress out about homework. I won’t let her fall behind, but after seeing what they do in her classroom all day I let her just chill out when she gets home.


As for teachers, they do it tough.

If you can spare just an hour once a week they would be SO grateful, it would also give you valuable insight into the workings of your child’s classroom.

You’ll also get to find out who has nits, what kids did on the weekend and your child will ADORE having you take an interest!

Do you parent help? Do you think the government makes it too hard for teachers of young kids to achieve their targets? Am I over-reacting?

Linking with Blogs and PR for Talk to Us Thursday

Blogs and PR


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When there’s nothing left to do but grin and bear it – Wordless Wednesday

Right now it’s taking all my strength to get through each day with toddlers who wake at 4.30/5am and then fight, scream, ignore or talk my head off non-stop from DAWN TIL DUSK!

I’m tired, not just your average tired, the nothing left in the tank tired.

But thankfully it’s Wordless Wednesday so I’m posting pics to remind myself how privileged I am to be the caregiver and mum of three gorgeous shits souls.

They send me to the deeps of insanity EVERY day - especially when they just laugh at me when I tell them off.

They send me to the deeps of insanity EVERY day – especially when they just laugh at me when I tell them off.

Here is some of No.3's handy work.

Here is some of No.3’s handy work.

Caught being mischievous - again!

Caught being mischievous – again!

He's already fallen off this a million times but continues to climb up here just to push boundaries!

He’s already fallen off this a million times but continues to climb up here just to push boundaries!

"You talking to me PUNK?"

“You talking to me PUNK?”

Reflecting on life - nah not really - just master planning more ways to send me over the edge

Reflecting on life – nah not really – just master planning more ways to send me over the edge

I can't believe how EASY 5-year-olds are - they just amuse themselves!

I can’t believe how EASY 5-year-olds are – they just amuse themselves!

Happy kids - and happy mum because they are all in the car and can't get out!

Happy kids – and happy mum because they are all in the car and can’t get out!

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What naughty thing has your child done this week? Go on tell me – make me smile and feel better 🙂

After a week off WW I’m back and linking….

With Trish at My Little Drummer Boys

My Little Drummer Boys

Bree @ Twinkle in the Eye

And Ai at Sakura Haruka


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In order to survive as parents we must have no shame and turn a blind eye

Sometimes being a parent is like living in a war zone.

You’re not sure where your enemy is hiding and what they’re going to do next!

My sister bought this for my son but I've taken a shine to it! Notice in the background my youngest is about to blow a poisonous dart at his brother?

My sister bought this for my son but I’ve taken a shine to it! Notice in the background my youngest is about to blow a poisonous dart at his brother?


Before children I was pretty confident I knew HEAPS about being a parent.

I was a nanny for three years on and off in New York so was quite deluded sure I knew what I was getting in to!

Was I wrong? Does a bear shit in the woods?

While I knew it was a HUGE commitment – I didn’t realise some of the other skills I needed:

NO SHAME

This comes in useful for when your offspring tells the person at the chemist in an unusually clear and loud voice that “even my mum had an itchy bum when she was a little girl”.

THICK SKIN

On a daily basis you will be kicked, spat at, answered back to, and even told that you’re not loved. While I admit to being sensitive in regards to what people say about me, I know that when my kids bag me out they don’t REALLY mean it, they are just frustrated.

My youngest totally going psycho because he can't do something he's not physically able to do at just 18 months!

My youngest totally going psycho because he can’t do something he’s not physically able to do at just 18 months!

A YARD GLASS FULL OF PATIENCE

While I still haven’t totally mastered this I’m getting there – or maybe I’m just getting better at ignoring them?

This is needed for the soul-destroying job that is toilet training, sight words (kill me) and teaching a three-year-old he has to wash his hands EVERY time after he goes to the toilet.

This what happens when you ignore your kids for half an hour!

This what happens when you ignore your kids for half an hour!

THE ABILITY TO TURN A BLIND EYE

This comes in useful for when you know they’re in the fridge fossicking for food and you can’t be arsed getting out of bed at 6am to police it. It’s only once the fridge door has been open for a minute and starts to BEEP that you haul your butt outta bed to investigate what has been spilled.

CAREFREE

You have to forget about the mess in the toilet, the screaming/screeching from dawn til dusk, the chaos at dinner time, the shit fights ALL THE TIME, the drama at bedtime and just let them be kids. This has been a hard thing for me to accept – but since having my third I’ve had to let A LOT of things go (including my waistline and many of my non-drinking friends 😉 )

This was 15 minutes of fun for 10 minutes of cleaning up - but whatever - they had a ball!

This was 15 minutes of fun for 10 minutes of cleaning up – but whatever – they had a ball!

ACCEPT BEING BROKE

There will be no more nice things for the house, drinking at the pub for hours, or booking a last-minute flight to see a friend interstate. You will spend your money on theme park passes, buying car seats, over-priced stainless steel drink bottles (@ $30 a pop they are bloody ridiculous) and bikes, scooters and toys – most of which they’ll play with for five minutes before NEVER picking them up again.

What is the most useful skill you think a parent needs? Do you have it or still acquiring it?

So after a week off I’m back blogging – What have I missed out on in your life???

Thanks for hosting Jess and I hope your editing is going great guns!