Have a laugh on me

We're not all in the same boat, some of us struggle to even get in the boat!

In order to survive as parents we must have no shame and turn a blind eye

82 Comments

Sometimes being a parent is like living in a war zone.

You’re not sure where your enemy is hiding and what they’re going to do next!

My sister bought this for my son but I've taken a shine to it! Notice in the background my youngest is about to blow a poisonous dart at his brother?

My sister bought this for my son but I’ve taken a shine to it! Notice in the background my youngest is about to blow a poisonous dart at his brother?


Before children I was pretty confident I knew HEAPS about being a parent.

I was a nanny for three years on and off in New York so was quite deluded sure I knew what I was getting in to!

Was I wrong? Does a bear shit in the woods?

While I knew it was a HUGE commitment – I didn’t realise some of the other skills I needed:

NO SHAME

This comes in useful for when your offspring tells the person at the chemist in an unusually clear and loud voice that “even my mum had an itchy bum when she was a little girl”.

THICK SKIN

On a daily basis you will be kicked, spat at, answered back to, and even told that you’re not loved. While I admit to being sensitive in regards to what people say about me, I know that when my kids bag me out they don’t REALLY mean it, they are just frustrated.

My youngest totally going psycho because he can't do something he's not physically able to do at just 18 months!

My youngest totally going psycho because he can’t do something he’s not physically able to do at just 18 months!

A YARD GLASS FULL OF PATIENCE

While I still haven’t totally mastered this I’m getting there – or maybe I’m just getting better at ignoring them?

This is needed for the soul-destroying job that is toilet training, sight words (kill me) and teaching a three-year-old he has to wash his hands EVERY time after he goes to the toilet.

This what happens when you ignore your kids for half an hour!

This what happens when you ignore your kids for half an hour!

THE ABILITY TO TURN A BLIND EYE

This comes in useful for when you know they’re in the fridge fossicking for food and you can’t be arsed getting out of bed at 6am to police it. It’s only once the fridge door has been open for a minute and starts to BEEP that you haul your butt outta bed to investigate what has been spilled.

CAREFREE

You have to forget about the mess in the toilet, the screaming/screeching from dawn til dusk, the chaos at dinner time, the shit fights ALL THE TIME, the drama at bedtime and just let them be kids. This has been a hard thing for me to accept – but since having my third I’ve had to let A LOT of things go (including my waistline and many of my non-drinking friends πŸ˜‰ )

This was 15 minutes of fun for 10 minutes of cleaning up - but whatever - they had a ball!

This was 15 minutes of fun for 10 minutes of cleaning up – but whatever – they had a ball!

ACCEPT BEING BROKE

There will be no more nice things for the house, drinking at the pub for hours, or booking a last-minute flight to see a friend interstate. You will spend your money on theme park passes, buying car seats, over-priced stainless steel drink bottles (@ $30 a pop they are bloody ridiculous) and bikes, scooters and toys – most of which they’ll play with for five minutes before NEVER picking them up again.

What is the most useful skill you think a parent needs? Do you have it or still acquiring it?

So after a week off I’m back blogging – What have I missed out on in your life???

Thanks for hosting Jess and I hope your editing is going great guns!

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Author: Have A Laugh On Me

I'm a mum to three, write from home and I rarely cook, craft or clean but admire those who do. I try to live by the mantra that there's no point in worrying about something that might not happen! Be warned this is not a fluffy, sweet mummy blog, rather a place where you can cringe, laugh and be shocked at my brutally honest take on my life.

82 thoughts on “In order to survive as parents we must have no shame and turn a blind eye

  1. Have I told you lately that you’re awesome? Love this post. I’m becoming quite adept at turning a blind eye to my kids. Recently a couple of girl friends have had a fall out over their children’s behavior towards one another. I have know idea whether my girls were in any way involved as I was too busy ignoring them.

    • Oh man if I were to fall out when my kids or my friend’s kid were not playing nice I’d be a nigel no mates, as long as it’s just normal, boisterous kids behaviour then it should be forgiven I reckon. x

  2. Patience, I’m still acquiring it! There was a time when I went out of the house showered, made up and composed. Pfft! I’d never leave the house lol. I love the sense of relief when nothing is spilt, or broken, or either of them isn’t cracking the wobblies. However the day that has me thinking “it’s going to be wine night” at 9 am can go get sturfed πŸ™‚

  3. A sense of zen calm. I definitely do not have this. I never knew that there was a reason that they were called ankle biters either! My 11 month old wraps his arms around my ankle and nips! Crazy little love πŸ™‚

  4. Loved this post, you are a funny lady and speak the truth. My two aren’t at the ‘I hate you Mum’ stage, but I have learned to turn a blind eye…especially to tantrums. I have found patience that I didn’t know I had with these boys. I am an only child and had only done some babysitting for friends before I had kids. Having my own was a bit of a shock to the system. No-one told me I could kiss goodbye sitting around drinking latte’s (in peace) and going away for romantic weekends. These days, I am happy to get a shower and shave my hairy armpits.

    I wrote a blog post called ’10 Ways to Survive Motherhood’ – you would probably like it. It recommends social media and alcohol (amongst other things) πŸ˜‰

  5. Definitely blind eye and deaf ear. You rock that hat by the way///

  6. The patience thing. I’m still learning, but don’t think I’ll ever get there!

  7. One time, when we were free, we booked last minute tickets to Bali for a long weekend….. Now an adventure is the supermarket.
    I wear the workmen’s helmet, while boy wears the fire chief helmet. Between us all we could be the Village People. How’s your YMCA?

  8. Patience for me as well.

    I can relate to every word in your post, from trying to get them to wash their hands (& flush) after the toilet, to the frequent Fridge/Pantry visits. Then there’s the constant “I’m Hungry”.

    I hope you enjoyed your week off. πŸ™‚

  9. Perfect descriptions of my house too. Very funny!!

  10. Never having nice things again. Right now the baby is under my desk drawing on my legs. There’s texta on the wall, the couch has stains, my favourite vase is smashed and in the bin.

  11. Yep these are all must have skills for parents. That and negotiating.

  12. hahaha oh NO, dont tell me that, I nannied for 2 years and I am pretty sure i HAVE IT ALL COVERED!!!! hahahaha.. no no i think i was under the illusion that I would afterwards be so prepared for children, but after seeing my freinds with their babies etc.. i know it ain’t no walk in the PARK!

    My patience is thin sometimes, so thats one I will have to work on in prep for baby time!

    Love it !

  13. Awesome! I thought I had it stitched up too, having had zero experience with kids. I. had. no. idea! You’ve hit the nail on the head though, I especially like this one … β€œeven my mum had an itchy bum when she was a little girl” I actually snorted. πŸ˜€

  14. My problem is that I have not accepted or acquired any of these things. Patience would be great to have to stay sane, but I don’t think it is in my DNA. My mum and sisters gobbled that particular trait up and left me with none!
    Becc @ Take Charge Now

  15. The most useful skill in parenting is knowing when to pick your battles. AKA turn the care factor on and off. You can’t leave it on around the clock, or you just waste the batteries.

  16. Our house always looks like a bomb went off – so my #1 parenting skill would be the ability to not do your lolly when they destroy the room you just cleaned!

  17. Oh wowsers Em, where to begin????
    Patience is a huge one that I’ve yet to master. Also how to teach a kid to shut a freakin’ drawer!!
    Missed you funny girl x

  18. Yup, all of the above, and that I’m constantly exhausted. That helmet looks good on you, where did u get it, I might buy one too … Actually no, on second thoughts I need ear muffs πŸ™‚

  19. And now for the good news – when your kids get older, YOU get to embarrass THEM! Or so I’m finding with Mr 19 & Miss 16, after years of the shoe being on the OTHER foot!!!!!

  20. Sweetie! That pic of the toys strewn everywhere broke my heart! If I was there, I’d fix you a drink, then we could stare at it together. How kids can ransack a place in a matter of minutes is something for the record books. Blind eye and thick skin indeed. X

  21. You’re fast convincing me not to have three!

  22. On the weekend we were coming home from Melbourne and our sick but hyperactive kid was rolling around the floor of the airport lounge and I turned to hubby and said “remember when we said we’d never let our kids do stuff like this? Not much ‘let’ involved is there?” and we laughed (and I ordered a vodka and coke). I think that’s the most important skill to be able to look at the situation and just laugh. I do miss having nice things though!

  23. Negotiation skills! How did convincing a kid to get dressed or eat their peas become like trying to close a million dollar deal? And I wish I was smarter at calling their bluff. Cheeky monkeys.
    Love the helmet…very you!

  24. Fabulous post!!! Your photo of your “mess spill” is heart warming – I clean that up at least every day! I think as parents – sometimes we just need to laugh, get down on our knees and see it from their perspective v- perhaps at times it is better than our own?
    Welcome back from your bloggy break xx
    Josefa from #teamIBOT

  25. Tears of laughter and horror! This is so true. I’d like to add accepting that you’ll never be able to have GOOD stuff again, that actually looks good! Today I looked down to see my 2 year old dragging my fave red leather handbag along the cement this morning! Scratched to buggery! To cap it off my eleven year old has been eyeing off my converse canvas shoes (new) and I came in to see him trying them on to wear to his brother’s soccer training! Is nothing sacred?

    • Nooooo – having a small and older one both attacking your pride and joy! You sound like my friend who has an 11-year-old and a 1-year-old – with 2 in between, makes me realise I can’t moan really!

  26. All those things! Patience is a big one for me, and the ability to be bored. I still struggle with these things. Also, I thought I would be better at playing and being a ‘kid’ than I am. Turns out, I am better at being a bossy mum than a kid! I surprise myself…Love the helmut πŸ™‚

  27. Perfect! I think they are all completely necessary in equal doses. And if only I was a fortune teller….I could have predicted so many less meltdowns and arguments!

  28. Lol! Yes any non-drinking friends must definitely go in the bin Slam! You should wear that helmet to bed tonight and see what happens .. πŸ˜‰ xx

  29. I so like to read your posts Em. I feel they are preparing me to motherhood in the way that even though the kids will make me crazy, I will still find some fun into parenting!

  30. All sooo true!!! Toilet training really is soul destroying isn’t it? You look cute in that hat πŸ˜‰

  31. Hahahaha! How’s your itchy bum these days?
    Leanne @ Deep Fried Fruit

  32. Love the helmet Em. I lack so many things that I should really have – I’m convinced I used up every ounce of patience just waiting for my kids. I used to be so much better at stopping and playing with my daugther, but with a gap of 6 years to our son I have found myself prettty bad at just playing, reading etc. I do yinyang yelling unfortunately too well (that’s when you yell in one breath, and feel bad with the next).

  33. LOL – all I can say is “Thank God I’m not you” !!! This weekend K turns 21st and is getting very close (I hope) to moving out (oh no – that’s just me being hopeful !!!)
    Have the best day that you can !
    Me

  34. Oh yes I think as parents we start to turn a blond eye and begin to faze out the crys of the children unless its an ‘i’m hurt cry’. I was explaining it to my sil the other week that she hasn’t learnt to block it out yet and when she does she won’t care that he is sitting there having a tantrum. He will see she doesn’t care then will get up and be normal again.

  35. The things I hear now would have knocked me over years ago. And the things I say would have shamed me!!! Its funny how we adapt to out normal. Im so tuned to boy world now, pure honesty, no matter what! xxx

  36. Oh man, they should give this list out at antenatal classes for first-time parents! I knew I was sweet with the basics of child-care, as in changing, bathing, generally keeping them breathing, but not the rest of it, no siree! Becoming a parent has given me a much better understanding of what my own mother went through and let me tell you, I think she is slightly crazy, having had 5 of us!

    • That truly is amazing Ky, 5 kids, my mum had 3 also so I can’t complain to her! But times have changed and we do have different challenges really . I hope you’re feeling great gorgeous mumma! xx

  37. One thing I never believed was that it was possible to forget to eat, but it totally is! Whilst I become ridiculously cranky if I haven’t been fed, having kids often means I have gone past the point of hunger to somewhere where food is completely optional.

    • Oh how I wish I could forget to eat – but then I’m an emotional eater so I have a fat chance of that happening J! I REALLY appreciate the visit and comment J – and hope the editing etc is going well x

  38. I suppor the blind eye indeed! Eyepatch if needed …. whatever it takes. I’ve decided I just want sleep. A decent night’s sleep …. which I haven’t actually had since ……. 2009……

  39. Blind eye – and I stopped asking them to was their hands years ago oops!

  40. Patience. I need it, I don’t have enough of it, I don’t think I’ll ever have enough of it.

    Sigh.

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