Have a laugh on me

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I faked it ’til I debated it – on stage after a 10-year hiatus!

66 Comments

Minutes before I planned to publicly fake an orgasm on stage I wasn’t sure I could go through with it.

Especially since I’m not a great faker to start with!

But I did it – much to the shock of everyone πŸ™‚

On Saturday night I was a ‘celebrity’ o-grade speaker for a Women’s Health and Wellbeing Expo Great Debate.

Here's the gorgeous women I spoke alongside, notice how they are all looking at the one camera - EXCEPT ME! I actually look like an usher amongst all the glam girls! L to R - Lyn Traill , Ruth Simons, ME, Petrina Zaphir , Bridget Daley,  Chrissy Keepance. (pic can removed if any of you AWESOME/NICE women want me to - Em)

Here’s the gorgeous women I spoke alongside, notice how they are all looking at the one camera – EXCEPT ME! I actually look like I’m photo bombing these glam girls! L to R – Lyn Traill
, Ruth Simons, ME, Petrina Zaphir , Bridget Daley, Chrissy Keepance.
(pic can removed if any of you lovely women want me to – Em)

It’s been at least a decade since I’ve spoken publicly – well except to tell off my three children – and I didn’t know if I could do it.

But I was so excited to be asked by the fantastic event organiser, Jo @ Breeze Events, and felt honoured to be involved in such a great Gold Coast community event.

Here’s proof I did it!

I really hate how the podium looks like an extension of my belly! And no I'm not expecting a 4th!

I really hate how the podium looks like an extension of my belly! And no I’m not expecting a 4th! On the far right is Mandy Nolan, stand-up extraordinaire, more about her below.

But being a last minute Larry – I still hadn’t completed my speech 48 hours before the event.

However, to cut myself some slack, on Thursday I dropped sticks to surprise my big sister (in hospital) and honestly didn’t have time to write it beforehand.

I did give it a shot on the way up in the plane!

btge1

dbtae

For some reason what I wrote a little tipsy wasn’t as good as I thought it was – strange that ;).

So my gorgeous sissy and I spent the day before the debate nutting out my speech.

We spent lots of time laughing – just what she needed.

I had to speak for five minutes on why Nice Girls Come First.

As I said, I opened my speech with an O – I’m sure the audience thought I was imitating a screaming monkey!

I do look a little bit like a screaming monkey here!

I do look a little bit like a very-toothy screaming monkey here!

But I told the audience:

NO – it was just me COMING first! (thankfully the crowd laughed, some clapped – bless their cotton socks).

Then I followed with this:

I know I am not the only nice girl who comes first in the bedroom.

Take well-known, all-round great gal Kate Middleton, wife of Prince William.

I BET SHE TREATS HER WILLY BY COMING FIRST.

I didn’t BANG on about this, and made my point that I thought you could still come first by being a nice girl the majority, but not all, of the time.

Anyway – I had two awesome supporters who laughed at my jokes and made the speech a little easier.

WHOOP WHOOP - thanks girls - without you there I truly couldn't have done it!

WHOOP WHOOP – thanks girls – without you there I truly couldn’t have done it!

As I took to the stage, my lil’ sis called my older sis (who helped me write my speech) and she heard the debate via phone from her hospital bed.

She text me later saying:

“Well done Ems, I got to hear it and was so proud of you, I was crying.
Take pleasure in knowing you were asked there and have balls to get up on stage.
Oh so proud, now get drinking!”

(and because I always do what I’m told – I did – get drinking that is).

And while the best part of the night was sitting down after my speech (I was the LAST speaker), the main highlight was comedian Mandy Nolan – our MC.

She did a stand-up routine before the debate.

Shit that girl can make me laugh and she had the crowd in stitches – I nearly wet my pants (damn you bubbly and having three kids in three and a half years).

And during her routine before the debate I sneaked out front to listen to her – she’s a hoot!

I stole this from Mandy's Facebook page - https://www.facebook.com/mandynolancomedy

I stole this from Mandy’s Facebook page – https://www.facebook.com/mandynolancomedy

She is someone I admire – she is honest, brutal and hilarious – and without sounding like a groupie, I LOVE HER!

ANYHOE – for embarrassing myself in public – I was given a facial voucher, a lovely drop of red, chocolates, and other goodies.

But what I loved most about the night was that I stepped out of my comfort zone and spoke alongside a great calibre of women.

It was exhilarating and freaky at the same time.

In saying that – I’d do again in a heartbeat.

Would you get up and have pretend to fake an O in front of 100 people? Are you a confident public speaker?

And do you think NICE GIRLS FINISH FIRST?

Go and visit all the other blogs linking with Jess @ Essentially Jess today!

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Author: Have A Laugh On Me

I'm a mum to three, write from home and I rarely cook, craft or clean but admire those who do. I try to live by the mantra that there's no point in worrying about something that might not happen! Be warned this is not a fluffy, sweet mummy blog, rather a place where you can cringe, laugh and be shocked at my brutally honest take on my life.

66 thoughts on “I faked it ’til I debated it – on stage after a 10-year hiatus!

  1. I have faked an O infront of 100 people – sequentially rather than simultaneously. Seriously though – that takes some internal fortitude so kudos to you. I am sure you absolutely nailed it. As for the question – Do nice girl’s finish first? – I think it is possible to be bold, assertive and compassionate.

  2. Good on you Em!! I haven’t spoken publicly for a while, but I used to revel in it!!! πŸ™‚ Not sure I could fake the BIG O in front of 100 people! πŸ™‚

  3. Well done you, that’s certainly a topic to get your teeth into. Sounds like you did well AND gave your sister a huge laugh.

  4. Amazeballs effort! I wished I’d seen it.

  5. You are very brave! I’m sure you were a hoot! Well done! πŸ™‚ xo

  6. haha sounds like a total hoot!! I HATE public speaking with a passion. I’m a teacher. So it sounds really dumb. But put me in front of a room full of children and I’m a clown, juggler or any other circus act. Put me in front of adults and I’m just a clam.

    Well done for doing it! Would love to see a copy of the speech!

    • You sound like a fab teacher, and I suppose it’s because kids don’t judge, they just love you for who you are, unfortunately adults aren’t the same – thanks for visit Ang πŸ™‚ Em x

  7. Here’s a little secret. I was a high school state debater.
    Nerdy much?

    Nice work, lady chops. Seems like you were a hit all ’round.

  8. There is no way I could have got up in front of 100 people and strung any words together – it’s hard enough to just be in the room with 100 people !!!!!
    Glad it worked out so well for you and I hope you sister has a speedy recovery !
    Have a great day !
    Me

  9. Good on you! I’m pretty sure I’ve refused to fake an orgasm in a game of Truth or Dare with friends, so props to you for doing it in front of an audience! x

  10. I actually enjoy public speaking. Weird, I know!

    But there is NO WAY ON EARTH I could fake a big O. You are one brave girl!!!! Wish I could have been a fly on the wall!

    Maybe you should do a special encore performance at the Redland Bloggers Meetup next week?!!!

  11. Wow- good effort! Can’t say I’ve ever faked one in front of a female audience. And I’d rather die than speak publicly. It ain’t my thaing. Congrats! (And cheers x)

  12. Go you Em! Wish we could see it!
    PS. No way on God’s green earth could I have pulled that off. Well done lovely. x

  13. I so wish I could have been there to see you!

    This is gonna sound like I went to a really off high school, but for my Year 12 Drama piece I had to lie on a make-shift bed and talk about having sex with someone, complete with sound effects and movements. Its the most confronting thing I’ve ever done but I ended up getting really good marks for it. I was so nervous that I basically had to convince myself I was the only one in the room (which wasn’t too hard with a spotlight in my face and not being able to actually see the audience!) and it helped. It certainly cured me of a lot of nerves of having to perform in public, that’s for sure!

    I used to love public speaking but don’t get much opportunity to do it these days, unless its a speech at a wedding or a presentation at work. I’m impressed you got your speech written in such a short-time frame, I’m so lazy that I hardly ever write speeches and just jot down bullet points and wing it!

    • Wow so I totally think you could have pulled this off Ky – I did school dramas but nothing major as didn’t have the confidence I do now!
      Public speaking isn’t scary if you know and believe what you are saying πŸ™‚
      I had plenty of notice to write this but it crept up on me and then I had another pressing, more important issue to deal with.
      If you had been there, beside my sister and friend, you would have laughed your guts off gorgeous girl πŸ™‚

  14. There you go again, making me laugh and putting a smile on my face πŸ™‚ well done girl for stepping out of your comfort zone, so much braver then me !! It wouldn’t be the bubbly or my having four kids in 6 years but the crowd in front of me making me pee my pants xxx

  15. What a legend you are! I haven’t debated since high school. Not sure I’d have the balls for it now πŸ˜‰ Good on you x

  16. You rock sister!! i could do speaking but nothing like acting or faking an O for others to listen to LOL. let us know if you do it again ; ) deb xx

  17. That is awesome Em, well done you and congratulations on being asked! I use to love public speaking, now I am not so sure, I can’t possibly imagine why anyone would be listening to me speak

  18. I take my hat off to you. I am so not a public speaker. Possibly I could have done the fake orgasm bit, but definitely not the speaking that followed.
    I love what your sister said to you. What a lovely supportive family you have Em.
    You are fabulous!
    Becc @ Take Charge Now

  19. Oh, Em!!! That is so totally awesome! I would LOVE to hear you speak in public! Love how you’re so there for your sisters and they’re there for you. Bless all your cotton socks! x

  20. Holy moly you are amazing! I can categorically say I would NOT have faked an orgasm in front of a crowd. When I was at primary school I pretended I had pneumonia while doing a presentation about the discovery of penicillin though. Kind of the same? Method acting baby!
    I am v impressed. Very brave and exciting thing to do!

    • Method acting is the way to go baby πŸ™‚ It was a leap for sure, but once I had made my mind up I had to do – just a shame I didn’t have a more enthusiastic (younger) audience. In saying that – once i delivered my punch line – everyone laughed πŸ™‚

  21. Well that’s one way of putting it. very funny

  22. No i’d never do that – but i do like the concept of coming first … stick with it kiddo – it could be a regular act – let me know if you come to Sydney – i’ll ensure i’m in the front row cheering u on!! Go Girl Kim x

  23. Em, you are my absolute hero!! How fabulous are you sista??!!
    Hopefully one day that video will make it’s way above the ground πŸ™‚
    I hope you sister is on the mend, she’s lucky to have you. xx

  24. Hi Em – just getting around to reading you – I’m so slack this week. I wish I’d come along to the event – it would have been great to meet and see you up on stage and catch up with Petrina and Christine and others who I know. Back in my days of newsreading on the GC (not sure if you’ve laughed at my awful hairstyles yet – I have a video up on my blog) I used to do a lot of MC’ing and a bit of speaking. But I haven’t done speaking for a fairly long time either – other than getting up in front of local Council meetings to present reports, which believe me is pretty intimidating. Sounds like you are on a roll though.

    • You famous thing you! I was a total ring-in compared to Petrina and Chrissy – but I had fun! I can imagine standing up in council meetings, I used to do that before I was a journo. As long as I know what I’m saying and believe it then I don’t have a problem, the thing was I didn’t know my speech off by heart so was little nervous! Oh well – it was a great experience! Next year I’m totally going to OWN it (if I get invited back) Em xx

  25. Huge congrats on getting up there and faking it in front of everyone! I’m really not sure I could do that! Fabulous work πŸ™‚ Monique via #TUST

  26. That must’ve taken guts – good on you!

    Your line about 3 kids in 3 and a half years had me doing a few quick pelvic floor exercises. That’s at least one of my three sets done for today πŸ™‚

  27. Great work on speaking in front of all those people, let alone faking an orgasm!

  28. Why isn’t it on youtube? I feel like I am seriously missing out not seeing it! Good on you. You’re a gem, and congrats on making the debating team πŸ˜‰

  29. You’re a braver woman than I thats for sure!! Too funny though – I would have loved to have seen it. I bet you were fabulous x

    • I was a bit nervous for sure – and fumbled a bit but I got there – next time I’m totally preparing a week beforehand so I will know it in my sleep and can prance around stage – so much easier if you can speak without referring to notes – BTW – you totally could do it! Em xx

  30. WOW!!! You are definitely one brave woman!! Well done!!! πŸ™‚

    #tust visiting!

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