Have a laugh on me

We're not all in the same boat, some of us struggle to even get in the boat!

A list of parenting books that no one will ever have the guts to publish

96 Comments

Here’s 10 books about parenting that I could never potentially publish one day:

1. Boys are little turds – so get over it.

2. Things get easier – when you’re in a nursing home drinking sherry at midday.

Maybe without the fags though - no one likes sherry breathe AND ashtray mouth

Maybe without the fags though – no one likes sherry breathe AND ashtray mouth. Image source

3. When your kids say they hate you – they’re not tricking.

4. Top tips on how to hide from your kids and make it seem like a game.

My favourite hiding spots are the washing line, and our walk-in robe!

My favourite hiding spots are the washing line, and our walk-in robe!

5. Toilet training is crap – there’s no sugar-coating it.

6. Stinky Saturdays, Fug All Fridays and other hints on how to make parenting easier.

7. Why texters, play dough and craft have no place in your home.

It was my husband's birthday this week - here is a personal message written by No.3

It was my husband’s birthday this week – here is a personal message written in texter, on the wall, by No.3.


8. You’re not alone – many mums dream about running to join the circus.

9. Parents secretly compare – so lie about your kid’s achievements just to screw with their heads.

10. And you thought you were fat before you had kids?

This is me before kids, about 10 years ago. Sadly I recall I STILL wasn't happy with my figure!

This is me before kids, about 10 years ago. Sadly I recall I STILL wasn’t happy with my figure!

What book could you write? Which one would you like to see me attempt first?

Speaking of publishing a book – Jess @ Essentially Jess has already done this! Check it out HERE

As if it wasn’t enough for her to pass me in candy crush last night – now she’s a published author!

GAME ON MOLE! 😉

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Author: Have A Laugh On Me

I'm a mum to three, write from home and I rarely cook, craft or clean but admire those who do. I try to live by the mantra that there's no point in worrying about something that might not happen! Be warned this is not a fluffy, sweet mummy blog, rather a place where you can cringe, laugh and be shocked at my brutally honest take on my life.

96 thoughts on “A list of parenting books that no one will ever have the guts to publish

  1. Brilliant I want to order advanced copies of all of them and while we are at it I’ll add a title of my own “Blogging – ignore your children without guilt”.

  2. Id like to add to the list “You’ll never sleep soundly again!”

  3. You forgot “5 things you must invest in before you leap into motherhood” – I leave the 5 things to everyone’s imaginations 😛
    Love the list Em, thank you for the laugh , makes the whole getting out of bed thing a little easier 😛
    Have a great day xx

  4. Love it Em! All of these should be written & on the best sellers list!!! I would like to add … Why the use of the word “Mum” should have a daily limit!

  5. Start with number 10, then you could do the sequel – you thought you never went anywhere, before you had kids;

  6. Bahahahaha! I so want a cameo when they make a teleseries out of these!!!! x

  7. Bahahahaha!!! I so want to have a cameo role in the teleseries! Love it! x

  8. Look, I’ve just spammed your comments 🙂 was playing sillybuggers with me …. sorry!

  9. Love this Em – so many laughs in just the titles alone! I would add another ‘WHY, WHY, WHY (the question on every 3 year old’s and every mother’s lips)”

  10. I say get started on them all! and OMG did K lose his shit over the wall? Did it come off!?!? x

  11. Love them! One I would add is ‘don’t laugh…7am is a sleep in’

  12. Tee hee hee my post has a similar them today. My parenting book for teens would be THIS TOO SHALL PASS!

  13. Love! I’ll buy all of them thanks, and the ones that have been suggested too. Replace WINE and WIN with WHINE and WHINGE will be my suggestion. Thanks for the giggle 🙂

  14. I’ll write the forward for all of these books Em, if you’ll endorse my first effort: “First aid tips for bites and lego injuries.”

  15. You’re hilarious! I think I would write: “My life is full of tantrums, crying and meltdowns… and then the kids start.” A bit long winded maybe. xx

  16. lol, I can definitely relate to the toilet training, I’ve given up with my little man for a while, I really can’t be stuffed right now.

  17. Put me on the mailing list for all copies of those books Emily when they come out. “So you really want to have a baby?” Who’s crazy idea was that anyway? LOL

    Anne xx

  18. I hate looking at photos pre-kids and realising that my “fat” was really a banging bod I’d freakin’ kill to get back into. Love this list Em.

  19. Well I’m sure in time you will overtake me again, seeing as I seem to be well and truly stuck again.
    Also, evidently you just need to write these books!

  20. Em, if you don’t write these for real and sell them as a boxed set, you’re in big strife!! I actually did write and publish a book after Bell was born, called “I’ve just had a baby…..what was my name again?” Think I could add lots more chapters now!
    No. 10 kills me, I always thought how fat I was pre-baby, if only I knew!!!
    You’ve nailed it again, as usual xx

  21. Number 7 for sure. Those craft products are evil.

  22. Love it and will add just wait until you have teenagers..-:(

  23. Love it, love it, love it. I have often contemplated writing one entitled ‘Shit they don’t tell you about motherhood’.

  24. I agree with Jess….I think you should write them!

  25. Bahaha! I’d certainly buy them! And what’re you talkin’ about, girlfriend? You’ve got the best guns, ever!

  26. “Nits are the work of the devil” and “No, beads do not belong up your nose” could also be best sellers for you Em. Love this list – pure gold!

  27. Brilliant…….from the teacher perspective I would add: Yes, the fruit of your loins is NOT perfect!!

  28. Too funny and I don’t mind Kirsty suggestions either. I don’t think I have a parenting book in me!

  29. I’d read anything you write Em! The titles are gold!

  30. Classic!! I can’t wait to be in the nursing home drinking sherry!!

  31. Love it!!! I literally laughed out loud at number 2 so I’d like you to start there! But only if I can contribute a chapter!?

  32. Love all of these, especially Number 2 and Number 10. I’d also like to contribute to the collection with ‘Cooking For Kids; Why There’s Nothing Wrong With Weetbix For Dinner’ ‘Crafternoons Can Go Suck It’ and ‘Me Time For Mums’ (which of course would be blank)

  33. Nothing is sacred, put a lock on the toilet. Kiss privacy and your old arse goodbye. There is no difference between “spirited” and “loud, pain in the arse” kids. Sitting in the driveway never looked so good.

  34. Ah Em, this is exactly what I needed to read this morning, it has perked me up just that little bit to maybe start getting some actual work done! Love your work!

  35. My vote is for Boys are little turds – so get over it.
    Isn’t it amazing to look back and realise you thought you had body issues, when you now wish you could have that body back.
    By the way, where do you and Jess get the time to blog, get on social media, look after your kids, work and then add candy crush to the mix? Do you sleep?
    Becc @ Take Charge Now

  36. Maybe we should all write a book about this very subject!

  37. I think it should be written by all us bloggers!

  38. For me I would write something about Kids watching too much TV and how its simply a matter of life or death!

  39. Oh I can’t wait til I can drink sherry at midday! Maybe next year when I’ve stopped breastfeeding 🙂

  40. Bahahahahaha, too funny, and yes when does this midday sherry become acceptable?

  41. How to get more sleep… JUST KIDDING! You’ll never sleep again!

    Long title, but hey, I’m too tired to think of something snappy. x

  42. I would add “You now live for your kids – accept it!” Great list. Cheers Leanne

  43. Hahahaha!
    How about: “You look like a slut, go and get changed” (how to ruin your teenagers self esteem in 30 seconds).
    Leanne @ Deep Fried Fruit

  44. Hilarious, best sellers for sure. – Home reader – “All parents lie , get over it Kid. ”
    I’ve had enough of the cute baby animals who are about to be eaten by the big bad lion or bear or whatever.

  45. That’s gold. Where do I start???
    I’d buy Parents Secretly Compare fo’shizz. I snorted when I read that.

  46. Hilarious! I think I could have written the same ones 🙂

  47. Ha ha, love them – so when are you going to publish these books?! There sure would be a lot of interest. Right now I’d love to write a book on “Why 3 is the new 13.” My three year old is acting like she’s a teenager, not uncommon I hear.

  48. Genius, every one 🙂

  49. Reblogged this on mummawoosah and commented:
    Best post I’ve read in a while – from the always hilarious Emily – LOVE

  50. Pingback: Ten things men think but are usually smart enough not to say out loud! | Have a laugh on me

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