Have a laugh on me

We're not all in the same boat, some of us struggle to even get in the boat!

On being a bitch, a lover, a saint and a sinner!

57 Comments

I’m a bitch, I’m a lover, I’m a child, I’m a mother!

I’m a sinner, I’m a saint, I do not feel ashamed.

Does this sound familiar?

If you’re old, but not too old, you will have heard this song and sung your lungs out at karaoke to it at some stage!

alanis

While the creator of these lyrics, Alanis Morissette, isn’t everyone’s cup of whiskey – this song got me thinking about how we change once we become totally unprepared responsible parents.

Once kids come along we can forget who we are, and many people change completely.

I know I’m not exactly the same person I was BHTLS (Before Having Three Little Shits Sweethearts)!

But every now and then the ‘old me’ comes out to play – you know what I mean?

Here's the old me - resurfacing when I had a weekend without kids in Cairns! A little bit of a silly sausage, pulling selfies on a plane with my sissy!

Here’s the old me – resurfacing when I had a weekend without kids in Cairns! Here I am a little bit tipsy pulling selfies on a plane with my sissy!

So with the help of Alanis, here is a look at some personalities that can surface despite my motherhood status!

I’m a bitch

If someone takes a second glance at my screaming child at the supermarket and shakes their head – I will say: “Really? Do you think that’s going to make him stop screaming you old fart?”

Or I’ll say: “You only have to put up with it for two minutes, I have to listen to it all day MOFO ! (okay so I don’t say MOFO but it sounded cool right?)

I’m a lover

(this space is empty because my mum reads this πŸ˜‰ )

I’m a child

Here is proof, I was rocking Gangham Style last weekend, can you pick me out?

I'm not doing an impression of a swooping hawk, that is me throwing some NASTY shapes on the dance floor!

I’m not doing an impression of a swooping hawk, that is me throwing some NASTY shapes on the dance floor!

I’m a mother

Which means I have to try not to laugh when my son asks his younger brother to pull finger so he can fart!

I also lick my finger and use my spittle to wipe stuff off my children’s faces before they go to school/kindy/out/destroy the peace at the local playground!

But here’s a quick tip that makes this process easier, get your kids to lick their OWN fingers and then use their slobber to wipe off the mess.

And considering all kids DEVOUR their boogers like they’re chocolate, how can they protest?

YUM YUM - it tastes so nice! Image source

YUM YUM – snot tastes so nice! Image source

I’m a sinner

I get speeding tickets (strangely, always when I’m without the kids), I like a drinkie or four, and I will totally pig out on chocolate, bread & butter and deep-fried camembert with plum sauce (gluttony).

I’m a saint

I will tell a friend that “it’s okay or I didn’t even notice” when it isn’t, because I know they didn’t mean to offend or upset me, and that sometimes I can be too sensitive (working on that).

Even though I’m in a hurry too, I will let the old person (they always only buy one or two things I swear) go ahead of me in the Aldi queue.

Why are you a bitch, a saint or a sinner?

Does the ‘old you’ come out to play every now and then? Or is s/he still your dominant personality?

Come on, fess up, it’s good for the soul – just ask Kirsty at My Home Truths – every Monday she makes peeps spill their guts!

It’s Tuesday and I Blog

Linking with Jess @ Essentially Jess for IBOT

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Author: Have A Laugh On Me

I'm a mum to three, write from home and I rarely cook, craft or clean but admire those who do. I try to live by the mantra that there's no point in worrying about something that might not happen! Be warned this is not a fluffy, sweet mummy blog, rather a place where you can cringe, laugh and be shocked at my brutally honest take on my life.

57 thoughts on “On being a bitch, a lover, a saint and a sinner!

  1. Oh indeed I am. I kind of feel like the old me at work, except minus the motivation and concentration and enthusiasm. Actually I don’t feel like the old me at work at all! I’m sure she is in there somewhere though???

  2. I am all of them apart from a sinner, my hubby calls me the fun police as I like to adhere to rules!

    For example we are currently having a disagreement at JFK airport about the fact he has a block of Lindt chocolate on him which I said he has to declare in Sydney when we arrive as it is FOOD……he is not going to do it!! So I am going to act like I am not travelling with him as I do not want to end up on Channel 7’s Border Security!! πŸ™‚

  3. This was awesome. I particularly enjoyed the blank about being a lover because your mum reads this, but you still used MOFO. Good stuff, good stuff. Your Gangnam Style reminds me of the stork move in Karate Kid – very retro. Finally, it’s reassuring to know I’m not the only one with speeding fines. Thanks for the laugh!

  4. I don’t know if I’m becoming more of a bitch in my old age, or it may be that I’m just over being nice to people who are bitches themselves. You know the type – world revolves around them, can dish it but they can’t take it. Yep, I’m speaking up more now. Hmmmm I’ve had one of those weeks. These people are lucky I still exercise SOME control on social media 😏

    • YEP I know them all too well, and I think we have to learn to cut them off otherwise we go insane! I hear you about social media, often it’s all I can do not to out them πŸ™‚ x I hope your weekend is great

  5. I am all of the above. Lucky people can’t read my thought/speech bubbles πŸ˜‰ -I’d be in big trouble.

  6. Love me some Alanis! Used to rock out to her back-in-the-day! ‘You outta know’ was my anthem of choice, along with copious amounts of Vodka UDL’s & dancing like noone was watching ie; BADLY! I am all of the above for much the same reasons you’ve mentioned – only less with the Vodka & more with the Red wine – though no more sophisticated when I do tipple, which is rarely these days!
    Love this Em – made me smile on a cold, grumpy morning! πŸ™‚

  7. Yep! All rolled into what. (I love Alanis by the way, one of my all time fav angry bitches)

  8. Yep. All rolled into one. (I love Alanis by the way, one of my all time fav angry bitches!)

  9. I love Alanis too. It’s crazy how you can remember all of the lines having not heard it in years! I’m a totally changed person now that I’m a mum, I used to be binge-drinking and party-throwing. But I couldn’t think of anything worse now. I’m suddenly all responsible ‘n’ stuff. I drink wine out of a bottle, not a cask!!

    • Ha ha that is funny, I used to be the same, sometimes I still drink more but then regret it as it’s just not worth it with kids. Can’t say I’m responsible, but I’m trying πŸ™‚ I’m with you on the bottle v’s cask though x

  10. Love this song πŸ™‚
    And can so relate !!!
    Oh Alanis you hit the nail on the head with these lyrics

  11. Meredith Brooks, not Alanis! She was a bit of a one-hit wonder but she did a good set at Lilith Fair in ’99. πŸ™‚

  12. Lol. I’m all of the above and sometimes in the same day!! The old me comes out quite often at home when I’m dancing around like a lunatic with the kids. They just stare with their mouths open or tell me in disgust to get back in the kitchen and cook dinner. I did let loose at my brother’s wedding recently. Fresh Prince does it to me every time. Tick tick tick BOOM!

  13. Even when I was a sinner … I was always just waiting to be a Mother ~ sitting around crocheting and eating cucumber sandwiches πŸ™‚

  14. I can definitely be all of these, especially a bitch if someone messes with my kid!! Haven’t heard this song in ages Em, i love it and will be singing it in my head all day now xx

  15. I’m not a sinner any more!! Well, not in a few ways… what a relief!! Though in other ways… and how come you get parking tickets when the kids aren’t in the car? I almost lost my license a few years ago and I blame the lots of them entirely. Don’t you think mothers should get extra points to lose cos it’s so stressful having the kids as co-passengers??

    I NEED to be more of a bitch… or should I say I need some firmer boundaries… working on it.

  16. you know I wouldn’t want you any other way xo love ya guts. had fun dancing it out Sat night! x

  17. Sometimes Em I think you and I are one and the same person πŸ™‚
    Becc @ Take Charge Now

  18. Oh yes – wait until menopause hits – then the bitch really comes out !!!!
    Have a great week !
    Me
    PS – so glad you liked the card !

  19. Now I have Alanis in my head!
    I’m pretty much all of those things. Except when I’m too tired to be a lover. (Which is often these days) Too much info?

  20. Love Alanis!
    Umm, Not too sure about the saint part for me πŸ™‚
    Having a 5 month old I think I am just a cranky bitch lately.

    • Yep wee babies can do that to you – a cute age though, it seems ages ago that my 3 were that age, but it was just over a year for my youngest – hang in there – it gets easier (sorta, kinda, maybe) xx

  21. All of the above. I think I’ve been drunk twice since I had the kids and came to regret so avoid it at all lengths. A far cry from the days before kids! xx

  22. I have to be a jerk and say it was Meredith Brooks. I loved that song, and the whole album. I do from time to time bring it out (not aged that well but that strong still rocks, in that I am woman way – which also still rocks)

  23. Exactly my kind of split personality – a little bit of everything makes a balanced person who refuses to be pigeonholed…cheers to that…kathy

  24. Yep…. All of the above! Human… I am ! Xo

  25. I try too hard to be a saint all the time – I need to relax, cut loose and let my bitch/ sinner side come to the fore a bit more! Love your style Em!

  26. I am probably a saint but a few cocktails and it is on for young and old haha Great Dancing!!

  27. All of the above and I do not feel ashamed..So I knew Meredith Brookes version I didn’t realise Alanis did it as well, you’re only too old when youre dead so go for it πŸ™‚

  28. Love this song and hate to admit I am old enough to know it!! I am all those things in no particular order and on any given day!!

  29. The new me is probably more of a bitch than the old me. I blame sleep deprivation! Deep-fried camembert? Serious??? I need to try that!

  30. The new me is probably more of a bitch than the old me! I blame sleep deprivation. Deep-fried camembert? Seriously?? I need to try that!

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