It’s Wordless Wednesday and I join in the fun over at
Trish at My Little Drummer Boys
Bree @ Twinkle in the Eye
And Ai at Sakura Haruka
This is what my youngest son would say to me if he could.
Straight off the bat, I gotta say I’m all for kisses and cuddles but DAMN keep that morning and coffee breath away from me girl!
And before I get to some more constructive criticism or general observations, I just wanted to say that I think most of the time you do a stella job.
(I said MOST not all, so don’t get cocky)
Here’s just a few points I’d like you to consider:
I’m fine (sort of) with wearing hand-me-downs all the time, but what is it with you and socks?
For fug’s sake why can’t you find a matching pair? Don’t you know I cop flak from the peeps at kindy for that?
And what is up with those horrible tan track pants? Nanny and I tried to hide those horrible threads from you and somehow they are back on the agenda.
Not cool mumsy, NOT COOL!
FEED ME NOW
As for food, keep it coming thick and fast, and when I say milk, I mean it.
I also think you could sharpen up on the promptness of your nappy changing.
For example, when I say ‘no’ when you ask if I have a poo, I’m totally lying – do you think I enjoy squishy bum cheeks?
YOU’RE A SLOB
And what is it with you and mess on the floor, how hard is it for you to pick up crumbs and general mess?
I know you’re busy but come on – I see you sneaking in a game of Candy Crush when you think no one is looking.
Honestly I’m sick of doing all the work around here!
ESCAPE IS FUTILE
Oh and another thing, don’t think that when you hide by the washing line, walk-in-robe, or pantry that I don’t know you are there.
I’m secretly waiting around the corner to leap out and scream in your face to punish you for running away from me!
Lastly and most importantly – LEAVE MY CRADLE CAP ALONE!
This means no sneaky picking when I’m on your knee, no scratching when I’m on a stool that I can’t get off by myself, and DEFINITELY hands off when we’re in public!
If you continue to do this, I will retrieve the pair of kitchen tongs I hide under my pillow and visit you in the middle of the night, it won’t be pleasant.
If your youngest child could speak to you – what would they say? Are you guilty of any of the above?
Happy Tuesday IBOT’ers – linking with Jess @ Essentially Jess
Since the arrival of our gorgeous third-born we haven’t had any proper family photos taken.
But here is one that my daughter drew just after her youngest brother was born nearly two years ago.
It sits proudly on a table at the entrance to our home:
And here is one that got taken 6 weeks before I found out I was pregnant with No.3!
Another Wordless Wednesday post:
Linking with a trio of bloggers I love:
Trish at My Little Drummer Boys
Bree @ Twinkle in the Eye
And Ai at Sakura Haruka
I might set up a club, not the pole dancing type, the once-a-week meet and
drink greet sort.
It’ll be a place where parents can confess their innermost thoughts, have a rant and say exactly what they think without fear of retribution.
You’ll be handed a bucket of coffee, wine, AND chocolate as you walk through the door to congratulate you for making it through another week of parenting.
The meetings won’t be well publicised or else someone will shut us down for being politically incorrect.
Okay so I’ll warm things up a bit with a some things I want to get off my chest.
1. I knew I should have married for money and not love (no offence to the Husband of course).
2. I often feign a sickness at dinner time because I can’t stand the kids moaning about how much they hate my meals.
3. For a start there I thought a Thermomix was a kinky toy – an expensive one at that!
4. The music is WAY too loud in retail shops these days – I’m trying to buy
granny undies clothes not have a fugging dance party!
6. I wish all those organised people would stop trying to motivate me with positive posters and get their butts to my house and do the job for me.
7. When I said to my son: “I’m going to put you down” I meant on the ground, someone obviously took my comment WAY out of context.
8. No shit I’m cranky and look tired, I’ve basically been awake for the past five years with a few four-to-five hour breaks in between where I have been able to lie down and close my eyes.
9. If keeping my kids up later at night meant they’d sleep past 5.15am, I’d fed them blue lollies and throw them a disco party EVERY NIGHT.
10. Don’t be fooled by the cuteness of my youngest, he’s like a member of the Cullen family (Twilight vampire reference), he epitomises gorgeousness so when he rips your head off you are taken completely off guard.
Do you have anything you want to get off your chest? Would you be a starter for my club? Are you sick of being woken at 5.15 EVERY MORNING?
Another IBOT with Jess @ Essentially Jess
I’m not exactly sure that what I’m about to post is kosher!
But I was recently given a virtual ‘pat on the back’ by Jess @ Essentially Jess.
She asked me to be the BLOGGER OF THE MO – how could I refuse!
Yes I know, talk about being up myself, but I wanted to share the Q&A’s with you all – because the questions were pretty hairy!
So indulge me fellow bloggers – it is FLOG YO BLOG FRIDAY after all 🙂
What is the most random thing you have ever eaten?
As a kid I used to LOVE nibbling on rubbers, and no I’m not talking about root suits, aka condoms, I grew up in New Zealand and we call erasers rubbers.
I also had a taste for paper, yep the stuff you write on, nothing too flashy or thick, just your garden variety A4, lined stuff.
Oh and mum told me I used to eat the dead flies from under the window sills because I thought they were raisins – YUMMO!
Seriously, a puppy dog? Is that a trick question? Because have you seen the size of me? I would kill a puppy dog if I rode on one and I have enough to feel guilty about in my life.
As for a camel, I do like a bit of a hump.
If you were a colour what would you be?
I’d like to say red because I’m pretty outgoing and slightly angry – but then again I wear a lot of black, not because I’m having Goth crisis but because it hides my muffin top.
You’re in a karaoke bar and you have to sing: what song is it going to be?
My singing voice is crap so I’m probably going to belt out a song that actually doesn’t need singing – like a rap – Eminem’s The Real Slim Shady for example.
I’ll even turn my hat around backwards, drop my pants a bit so you could see my butt crack and throw in a few YO YO MOFOs!
You must choose between only having either chocolate or alcohol for the rest of your life. Which will it be?
You all know I’m going to say: “Hi, I’m Emily and I choose you alcohol”.
But I pride myself on being able to overcome any obstacle so I’m going to pick a chocolate liqueur – two birds, one stone – BOOM!
So tell me – what is the weirdest thing you have eaten? And would you ride a puppy or a camel?
Do you get the IBOT monthly newsletter? Here is the most recent one so have a look and sign up!
FLOGGIN’ thanks to Grace @ With Some Grace
Death stares, vomiting lunch boxes and some serious five-year-old attitude – this parenthood caper ain’t a picnic.
On horrific days I dream of blowing this popcorn stand for greener pastures, so I thought it wise to practice my interviewing skills.
FIVE QUESTIONS I’LL TOTALLY BE ABLE TO NAIL DURING A JOB INTERVIEW NOW THAT I’VE HAD THREE KIDS:
1. How have you grown or changed over the past few years?
I successfully managed to gain 25kgs in nine months, and I didn’t just do it once, I did it THREE TIMES!!
My boobs grew to the size of a three-year-old’s head and my feet grew one shoe size – if that isn’t commitment to growing then I don’t know what is.
2. What are your strengths?
I am fluent in changing a swear word mid-sentence, muttering under my breath, sarcasm, white lies and telling off three children in one breath.
My ability to ignore annoying requests is also quite remarkable – especially those that involve craft, cooking and cleaning.
3. Are you a nice person?
Sure I am, especially to those who could potentially spit in my food if I moan about their crappy customer service skills.
I will also befriend and
bribe buy treats for teachers and childcare workers, it can’t hurt to be a bit of a suck up!
4. What have been your achievements to date?
Oh that’s an easy one – I have totally nurtured and loved three bottles of plonk in one night, and lived to tell the tale!
5. Why should we hire you?
Because I said so.
And because if I can survive having 3 kids in 3.5 years, including two boys who give Dennis the Menace a run for his money, then I deserve a
psychologist for the rest of my life a shot!
Also, if you don’t I’ll probably get VERY ANGRY – and to quote David Banner: “You won’t like me when I’m angry”.
How would you answer one of these questions? What has parenthood made you good at? Would you hire me?
Another crazy blog post I’m linking with Jess @ Essentially Jess
(This is a guest post by WALT – aka West Australian Lone Traveller – who is backpacking around the country).
It’s no wonder Emily is a slice short of a sandwich most days – this sure is one crazy, noisy household!
Thank goodness I always carry earmuffs when I travel, they have been my sanity saviour since I arrived here on the Gold Coast.
Anyhow I landed safely, much to the delight of Emily – and yes she a bit ‘too friendly’ if you know what I mean – we’d only just met for goodness sake.
Her kids are adorable, except when they are trying to feed me popcorn. Can’t they see that I have no mouth opening?
My arrival was timely because No.2 had to visit the hospital, get an X-ray, a blood test and so I was there to hold his hand, well not literally of course because I’m a stuffed toy (dir).
I meet some new friends, like a pink chipmunk who copied everything I said and an annoying lizard who kept licking my ear – talk about a family with personal space issues.
Like every good traveller I offered to do a few odd jobs around the home to earn my keep.
I was secretly hoping Emily would say: “No, don’t worry, sit back and relax” instead she handed me a wrench and said: “See you in a few hours”.
What a mole – seriously.
But it wasn’t all bad, I was lavished with love, slept in the bed with each of the kids on alternative nights.
I even snuck out to Surfers Paradise to go clubbing when everyone was asleep!
So just a few more days left before I leave (or until Emily gets her shit together) and I’ll be on my way.
If you want to read about my adventures head over to Jacana blog – this is where I’m from, the lovely Susan rescued me from a thrift shop and sent me on a journey around Australia with a backpack and a travel journal.
Where will I be next ? I’m pretty sure I overheard someone saying something about NSW!
See you next week @ Jacana for Totally Thursday
(P.S If you don’t already ‘follow’ Emily’s blog – go on – and if you do, tell her WALT send you).
And linking with Blogs and PR for TUST
Here’s a collection of some of my favourite photos of our honeymoon in Vanuatu.
While we drank lots of cocktails by the pool, we also visited numerous islands, swam with turtles and even saw an active volcano.
One of the highlights was flying to Pentecost Island to witness land diving – a rite of passage for many locals.
We actually got stranded there overnight because the landing strip, a grass paddock, was too muddy for the teeny tiny plane to land!
But we found the other airstrip by the light of the moon, meet local villagers and slept on concrete pillars until the plane arrived the next morning – it was truly fantastic 🙂
Showing some of my “Favourite Photos” with The Lounge – hosted by Tegan @ Musings of the Misguided
My mum always made AMAZING birthday cakes for us kids and I want to try to continue that tradition on – even if it kills me!!!
You can do anything you put your mind to I reckon!
Another WW link up with…
Trish at My Little Drummer Boys
Bree @ Twinkle in the Eye
And Ai at Sakura Haruka
Being sick ain’t the best of times.
In fact it’s the worst of times, especially the clean up.
I know you’ll forgive me for this very non-amusing post :(.
But after having sick kids for three weeks, and then catching the hurling bug this weekend – I have nothing left to give.
Gastro hit our shores recently and I have always remained immune, until recently…
It just wouldn’t be a post from me without some
1. The stomach cramps I had for about four hours felt like 3-5cm contraction pains or those HORRIBLE after-birth pains when the uterus is contracting. Remember them?
2. Having a husband who will clean-up spew, hold a bowl for you to hurl in and take over all household duties the next day – IS THE BEST.
3. It’s much more ‘fun’ being sick when you’re hungover, in fact often you don’t even remember doing it (not that I know from experience mum, people have just told me ;)).
Have I totally grossed you out? Do you remember those after-birth pains? Who cleans up your hurly burly?
crappy IBOT post that I’m linking with Jess @ Essentially Jess
Every once in a while someone utters something that totally floors you!
Whether it’s your child loudly telling a random person that: “My mum sometimes has an itchy bum you know, just like me!”
Or hearing those three magic words from your husband/partner… “I’ll cook tonight!”.
In this vein, I thought I’d share a few things you will NEVER hear me say – and if you do – you have permission to shoot me on the spot.
I can’t wait to do Dry July again.
Seriously, I hate to sound like an old soak, even if the shoes fits, but I did this last year and it was soul-destroying. Seriously what mother, or person for that matter, can cope without ONE DROP of alcohol for 31 days?
Aww go on, let’s have another child.
Seriously three is my dash, I’m already suffering from industrial deafness from the amount of screeching, crying and fighting that happens with my lot! Sorry what did you say?
Sure I’m fine with the fact you like to spell definitely with an ‘a’ eg definately.
Seriously people – I see it a lot in posts, FB updates and I cringe every time, and don’t even get me started on your and you’re.
No it’s okay, you don’t need to come and look after the kids for me.
When I just had one child I was hesitant to hand her over to my beloved and trusted mum. Nowadays I’ve got the car started and am sitting in it ready to leave as soon as she pulls up the driveway! In fact I don’t think I’ve refused an offer of help recently – you should seriously try it!
What is something that you are likely to NEVER say? Or what are words you would be shocked to hear come out of your partner’s lips?
I’d also like to take this chance to say a heartfelt thanks so all of you who gave me advice, encouragement, support and compassion on my post about my middle boy earlier this week!
Nearly 50 amazing people took time out to comment and I wish I had time to thank you all in person!
You’ll be happy to know I’ve started a list of ways to help my precious, sensitive soul became a more confident, happy boy.
This blogging community is quite something you know – and I’m glad I stumbled upon it!
Flogging with the lovely Grace @ With Some Grace for Flog Yo Blog Friday!
I interrupt my regular programming of cutting remarks, sarcasm and piss-taking to bring you this…
(And please think twice before you stop reading).
I fear my gorgeous boy, just 3.5 years old, is losing any confidence he might have had.
He’s always been sensitive, and he gets that from me (no truly he does), so I can understand why he cries a lot.
But recently he’s become scared of everything, just a few months ago he used to love feeding ‘Gwandad’s cows’ and now he’s fearful of going near them.
He’s stopped eating things he used to adore, he won’t put on his shoes, and he rarely dances around the house like a happy, carefree soul anymore.
EVERYTHING I ask him to do is a problem and he says he can’t do it and then cries, proper tears, when I insist he tries.
He doesn’t eat, unless I insist and even then it’s a drama that usually ends in tears :(.
Yes I do get cranky if he doesn’t eat what he’s given because I make the other two do the same – plus he’s also losing weight.
But it’s not just food, it’s EVERYTHING.
Part of me thinks I need to have a different set of rules for my sensitive soul – maybe I’m making things worse by being so black/white?
He is the middle child – however I don’t think it’s middle-child syndrome, this is a too simplistic view.
Admittedly my older child is more demanding and my ‘baby’ gets attention because I’m always telling him off, or laughing at his craziness.
However, I think it comes down to his personality and I know I can’t change this and quite frankly don’t want to.
I want to nurture, love, strengthen and encourage it.
At the moment nothing is working – the nice approach, the tough stance, the negotiation, the overly positive approach.
My heart broke at the dinner table the other night as my blue-eyed boy, who sits across from me, asked quietly: “Do you love me mummy?”.
Holding back a tear I said: “Of course my precious – I love you to the moon and back”.
I could go in to the guilt of having 3 kids in 3.5 years and how little time I have actually had to adore them separately – but I won’t.
So I’m putting it out in to the blogosphere – if I have ever made you laugh, smile or snigger, I would appreciate your thoughts and advice.
I know there are lots of books – but I would appreciate words of wisdom from you.
And here you all thought I had no heart just because I always say not very nice things about my life and kids.
So please mums, dads, aunties, uncles, sisters, brothers, grandparents, I’ve tried everything – how can I make my son’s eyes smile and dance again?
Thanks to the ever-present Jess @ Essentially Jess – for allowing me to reach out via IBOT
Oh and in case you didn’t see my genius last week – feast your eyes on this PUPPY!