Have a laugh on me

We're not all in the same boat, some of us struggle to even get in the boat!

Five interview questions I’ll be able to nail thanks to death stares, vomiting lunch boxes and five-year-old attitude!

58 Comments

Death stares, vomiting lunch boxes and some serious five-year-old attitude – this parenthood caper ain’t a picnic.

On horrific days I dream of blowing this popcorn stand for greener pastures, so I thought it wise to practice my interviewing skills.

See I wasn't joking about the death stare - seriously it's rather disturbing right? He gives Dexter a run for his money.

See I wasn’t joking about the death stare – seriously it’s rather disturbing right? He gives the Incredible Hulk a run for his money.

And here is the lunchbox vomit - putrid putrid putrid!

And here is the lunchbox vomit – putrid putrid putrid!

FIVE QUESTIONS I’LL TOTALLY BE ABLE TO NAIL DURING A JOB INTERVIEW NOW THAT I’VE HAD THREE KIDS:

1. How have you grown or changed over the past few years?

I successfully managed to gain 25kgs in nine months, and I didn’t just do it once, I did it THREE TIMES!!

My boobs grew to the size of a three-year-old’s head and my feet grew one shoe size – if that isn’t commitment to growing then I don’t know what is.

2. What are your strengths?

I am fluent in changing a swear word mid-sentence, muttering under my breath, sarcasm, white lies and telling off three children in one breath.

My ability to ignore annoying requests is also quite remarkable – especially those that involve craft, cooking and cleaning.

Here is No.3 desperately trying to find himself some food - umm - with a knife? Nah it's not a knife, truly (I hope)

Here is No.3 desperately trying to find himself some food in the dishwasher… with a knife? Nah it’s not a knife (I hope).

3. Are you a nice person?

Sure I am, especially to those who could potentially spit in my food if I moan about their crappy customer service skills.

I will also befriend and bribe buy treats for teachers and childcare workers, it can’t hurt to be a bit of a suck up!

4. What have been your achievements to date?

Oh that’s an easy one – I have totally nurtured and loved three bottles of plonk in one night, and lived to tell the tale!

Just kidding - these three souls here are my greatest achievements - notice No.3 has a crappy Magna Doodle while the others have iPads - it's because they are my favourites - just kidding, none of them are my favourite.

Just kidding, these three souls are my greatest achievements.

5. Why should we hire you?

Because I said so.

And because if I can survive having 3 kids in 3.5 years, including two boys who give Dennis the Menace a run for his money, then I deserve a psychologist for the rest of my life a shot!

Also, if you don’t I’ll probably get VERY ANGRY – and to quote David Banner: “You won’t like me when I’m angry”.

You totally can't beat old school Incredible Hulk right? Image source

You totally can’t beat old school Incredible Hulk right? Image source

How would you answer one of these questions? What has parenthood made you good at? Would you hire me?

Another crazy blog post I’m linking with Jess @ Essentially Jess

BTW – did you know I was Blogger of the Mo over at Essentially Jess for June – take a look HERE to find out if I would ride a puppy or a camel!

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Author: Have A Laugh On Me

I'm a mum to three, write from home and I rarely cook, craft or clean but admire those who do. I try to live by the mantra that there's no point in worrying about something that might not happen! Be warned this is not a fluffy, sweet mummy blog, rather a place where you can cringe, laugh and be shocked at my brutally honest take on my life.

58 thoughts on “Five interview questions I’ll be able to nail thanks to death stares, vomiting lunch boxes and five-year-old attitude!

  1. You’ve got the job! Love the growth part especially. Seriously though, if only most employers really understood the skills developed in parenting it might be easier for women to get back into the workforce after staying home with kids.

  2. Because I said so – the parent we never thought we’d be…yet you must be deranged if those words haven’t escaped your lips…You’re HIRED!

  3. I’ve learned how to shout orders and be a real ogre. :-/ x

  4. I have learnt to survive on no sleep, so it proves I have stamina and can soldier on in any extreme situation. 🙂

  5. This is great – interview spin for exhausted parents – I like it.

  6. Oh I love this! Parenting has made me realise life’s too short to put up with crap from anyone other than my children!

  7. Mothers are multi taskers. Who else can sound fabulous with all sorts of condiments stuck in their hair and on their clothes.

  8. Hired! To crack me up permanently. That death stare had me pissing myself, mainly cos I pictured you ignoring him and grabbing the camera instead of dealing with him!!!! 😉 I can still only love one bottle of plonk without a near death experience … teach me, oh learn-ed one!

  9. I would definitely hire you, anyone that can wrangle kids as well as being hilarious must be some sort of Superwoman. Parenting has made me good at delegating responsibilities, namely “Ask your dad when he gets home”.

  10. Ha, I do at times question my decision to become a parent, but only for a second.

  11. I could never come up with the fabulous and very funny answers you did. Suffice to say, you won the job over me 🙂
    Although I can say I have also nurtured and loved 3 bottles of plonk in one night and lived to tell the tale! Far out I was sick as the next day though.
    Becc @ Take Charge Now

  12. You’re the best! I would hire you in a “New York Minute”! It’s rare that i laugh out loud reading a blog post. My children managed to survive to adulthood so I feel successful as a parent. One at age 9 created and blew up a home made bomb in the front yard made from a Coke can, dryer lint, and lawn mower fuel. The other (my daughter) sewer surfed under the streets in the drainage pipes with a skate board.

    • OH MY GAWD, I have the BIGGEST smile on my face – NO WAY – your kids are amazing (I mean naughty) How clever are they? I bet they’re scientists and engineers now! Thanks for the kind words and visit – have a great week 🙂 x

  13. Love it! You’ve totally got the job 😉

  14. GROWTH! Snort. Love it.

  15. Girlfrieeeeeeeeeeeeend!!!!! How is it that you’re not a high-powered exec running a multinational company? Oh yeah, you’d get too bored!
    Seriously Em, if there’s not a hilarious book fighting to get out of you, I’ll be way disappointed. Your spin on motherhood always cracks me up xx

  16. My strengths? Multitasking in the extreme!!!!! We are so employable 🙂

  17. Of course I would hire you. What has parenting taught me? What hasn’t it!! Work is easy compared to parenting.

  18. I would hire you! You are all kinds of awesome! Honestly, how you do it all and have the energy to write such funny and entertaining blog posts, I do not know! What has parenting taught me? That at 26 I have no idea what life is about, nothing, all sorts of crazy dreams floating around in my head back then 😉

  19. LOL !!!
    Have the best day !
    Me

  20. You are hilarious!!! I think I could tick all those boxes too 😉

  21. Very funny – you truly are skilled!

    Congrats on blogger of the mo too ☺

  22. I’ve learnt that parenthood ain’t for the light-hearted and that sleep deprivation often leads to caffeine abuse and Tourettes-style expletive compulsions. There are apparently down-sides too, I hear. #teamIBOT

  23. Omg Em, thank you for being you! I love reading your posts & this one is AWESOME! Being in HR & recruitment for 15 years, I’d hire you! Would you be able to please provide me with two recent & relevant references?? 🙂

  24. Nice Emily – I reckon parenthood has made me selfish … and fatter. I don’t think anyone would hire me with those comments but I don’t care – i’m comfortable and i look after my own. I’m content in that regard 🙂

  25. That’s friggin hilarious. Thanks for making me laugh me self silly 🙂 You don’t need another job, you’re kickin arse at what you’re doing now 😉

  26. This is hilarious! And by the way, I would have chunked that lunch box in the trash. And thanks to this post, I now have a phrase for the things that drive me crazy – it’s the 3 Cs: Cooking, Cleaning, and Crafting! Glad I came across your blog! I’m going to follow you because you made me laugh! Hope you can stop by my little corner at http://www.RocksNoSaltMommy.com!

  27. Bahahahahaha! And that vomiting lunchbox is DISCUSTING!!! Cheers, Alison

  28. Totally! Employers just don’t appreciate the rare talents and skills we mums bring to the workplace!

  29. Ha! Love it Em!! As a former HR Manager & recruitment veteran – I would classify you as able to deal with difficult personalities & situations & remain calm under pressure. Able to take responsibility for own actions & those of others. Self managed & able to multi task to meet deadlines & plan ahead.

    How could anyone not want to hire you!! 😉

  30. Because I said so! haha.

    I am fantastic at putting on a fake smile and saying “Oh wow!” when I think someone may have just hurt themselves but I’m not 100% sure yet. 🙂

  31. Oh I would so hire you. For more reasons than the fact that I now know it is normal that my feet grew! lol x

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