Have a laugh on me

We're not all in the same boat, some of us struggle to even get in the boat!

I just got a written warning from my 22-month-old!

69 Comments

This is what my youngest son would say to me if he could.

Dear Mumma,

Straight off the bat, I gotta say I’m all for kisses and cuddles but DAMN keep that morning and coffee breath away from me girl!

And before I get to some more constructive criticism or general observations, I just wanted to say that I think most of the time you do a stella job.

(I said MOST not all, so don’t get cocky)

Here is an example of you NOT doing a great job - seriously - a HAIR TIE?

Here is an example of you NOT doing a great job – seriously – a HAIR TIE?

Here’s just a few points I’d like you to consider:

DRESS SENSE

I’m fine (sort of) with wearing hand-me-downs all the time, but what is it with you and socks?

For fug’s sake why can’t you find a matching pair? Don’t you know I cop flak from the peeps at kindy for that?

And what is up with those horrible tan track pants? Nanny and I tried to hide those horrible threads from you and somehow they are back on the agenda.

Not cool mumsy, NOT COOL!

As for this hat - talk about embarrassing, it's tartan, floppy and does NOTHING for me!

As for this hat – talk about embarrassing, it’s tartan, floppy and does NOTHING for me!

FEED ME NOW

As for food, keep it coming thick and fast, and when I say milk, I mean it.

I also think you could sharpen up on the promptness of your nappy changing.

For example, when I say ‘no’ when you ask if I have a poo, I’m totally lying – do you think I enjoy squishy bum cheeks?

You are cramping my style with this selfie, please keep your distance when I'm on drinking ma milk!

You are cramping my style with this selfie, please keep your distance when I’m drinking ma milk!

YOU’RE A SLOB

And what is it with you and mess on the floor, how hard is it for you to pick up crumbs and general mess?

I know you’re busy but come on – I see you sneaking in a game of Candy Crush when you think no one is looking.

Honestly I’m sick of doing all the work around here!

See mum - this is the pantry, inside is a rubbish bin - use this dustpan and brush to clean up - it's THAT EASY!

See mum – this is the pantry, inside is a rubbish bin – use this dustpan and brush to clean up – it’s THAT EASY!

This long thing is called a broom, it belongs in the messy cupboard beside the fridge, you know the one this is stuff full of crap!

This long thing is called a broom, it belongs in the messy cupboard beside the fridge, you know the one this is stuffed full of crap!

ESCAPE IS FUTILE

Oh and another thing, don’t think that when you hide by the washing line, walk-in-robe, or pantry that I don’t know you are there.

I’m secretly waiting around the corner to leap out and scream in your face to punish you for running away from me!

BOOM!

HAIR

Lastly and most importantly – LEAVE MY CRADLE CAP ALONE!

This means no sneaky picking when I’m on your knee, no scratching when I’m on a stool that I can’t get off by myself, and DEFINITELY hands off when we’re in public!

If you continue to do this, I will retrieve the pair of kitchen tongs I hide under my pillow and visit you in the middle of the night, it won’t be pleasant.

xAR

If your youngest child could speak to you – what would they say? Are you guilty of any of the above?

Happy Tuesday IBOT’ers – linking with Jess @ Essentially Jess

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Author: Have A Laugh On Me

I'm a mum to three, write from home and I rarely cook, craft or clean but admire those who do. I try to live by the mantra that there's no point in worrying about something that might not happen! Be warned this is not a fluffy, sweet mummy blog, rather a place where you can cringe, laugh and be shocked at my brutally honest take on my life.

69 thoughts on “I just got a written warning from my 22-month-old!

  1. LOL – so funny !
    Have the best day !
    Me

  2. Hahahahaha!!! I’m a cradle-cap picker too – one arm in a ‘cuddle’ and the other grooming her LOL. Have to say that the tartan floppy is fetching, love a good brimmed hat! xxx

  3. Yes Master M would get angry at me for the cradle cap picking! Miss Z would get cranky for the fact that I dress her so much like a tom boy (as I myself was, and still kinda is one!) Both would tell me I am not quick enough to get food on the table, and when they say they are hungry they mean they should have been eating 20 minutes minutes ago. πŸ™‚

    • Mine always want dinner NOW NOW NOW! I dressed my girl a bit like that – as I was the same! But now she older and has a mind of her own she wants skirts, so that’s kinda cool too πŸ™‚ x

  4. Too Funny! My daughter would probably write something similar but instead of the scalp it would be something like “why do we have to go through hair brushing everyday, just leave it, eventually it will fashionable dread locks.”

  5. I love this Em! But seriously, does he have to do ALL the housework? I love the look you’re getting as he’s putting the dustpan away, classic! xx

  6. Love the faces in those photos! Especially the dust pan facial he’s giving you. I’m fairly sure Addison would tell me to exercise more and talk less. Right now she’s content just saying No and whacking me. xxx

  7. My P2 says “aye” to all of the above.

  8. What a cute little ratbag you have there πŸ˜‰

  9. Lol. Tan track pants? Come on mum, that is not cool. It reminds me of when my mum dressed me in a brown skivvy and brown cords. Yes, it was the seventies, but come on!

  10. My son loves to help with the housework. I say keep up the good work!
    Becc

  11. Oh if looks could kill Mumma! I think my Mr 4 could have written this letter too!

  12. Haha, love it. My youngest would concur with the cradle cap. But I’m sure he likes the hair-brushing part! x

  13. Today mine would say “Gimme the freakin dummy. I know the bloody thing isn’t lost, so cough it up biyatch!

  14. This is brilliant! My four year old tells me exactly what he thinks – ALL the time! He has told me to get out of the track pants and put on jeans….and even told me that maybe I should wash my hair tonight! Funny little buggers πŸ˜‰ Josefa from #teamIBOT

  15. Ha! I love this! My youngest is still under 1, so quite frankly if he could write me letter explaining what all the non-hunger/tired crying was about, I’d be grateful! As for my other two, they’re both more than happy to tell me exactly what they think. Even my two-year-old will tell me “No Mummy! Don’t sing. It’s not kind!”

  16. Gorgeous little man! The hair tie is a bit rough Em, cute as all heck though!! πŸ™‚ I’m not sure what my youngest would say – she does squeal a LOT – so i think it’d be pretty dramatic!! πŸ™‚

  17. Who can resist a little scratch at The Cap??
    I’ve wondered if they find my morning breath as offensive as their Dad does?? They always seem happy to see me. Well, so does he, come to think of it πŸ˜‰

  18. Hahaha! You’re hilarious Em!

  19. Let’s just be thankful they can’t say it all for a while, huh? My two NEVER SHUT UP. πŸ™‚

  20. So funny and so cute :-). My little one is the same age and it doesn’t matter that he can’t talk, they are so expressive with their facial features at that age aren’t they? One look let’s me know exactly what he’s thinking. Looks like your little man is the same – such an expressive, gorgeous little face!

  21. Wow 22 month olds are smart and so funny. Go you good Mum.

  22. My 22 month old would say: You don’t need to sleep in a big bed with Daddy – there’s plenty of room in my bed!

  23. Oh em gee! Soooo funny.

  24. Hilarious. I think mine would probably say the same thing but in a far bossier tone. She’s a dictator in the making! πŸ™‚

  25. I love this!! It all sounds pretty familiar actually… Except for thr mismatched socks. That part will be told to the boy as he does that haha

    Ai @ Sakura Haruka

  26. Awesome, Em! My kids would say a lot of the same things. Do you think kindy judges me for sending the kids with holes in their trackies? I mean, they’re only going to get more, right? And the crumbs… yes! Love this, thanks for the laugh.

  27. Good one Emily! Ooh, that cradle cap eh? It just sits there TAUNTING you doesn’t it? I dread to think what mine would say if I could see inside their little minds. I suspect it would be very similar!

  28. Hahaha – hilarious! I have a photo of my Twin2 at around the same age with his hair done in just the same way. It’ll be a great one to bring out at his 21st (which is November this year!). Love the shots of him doing the housework. Geez child labour or what! πŸ˜‰ lol x

  29. Hahaha, thanks for the laugh, Em. What is it with socks anyway? I don’t think my kids have a single matching pair anymore.

  30. But the cradle cap is just so much fun to pick!!!!

  31. You’re little boy has very advanced language/ English skills! My 22 month old has never worn a pair of matching socks. My 3 year old still has a little cradle cap, and fights me any time I go near it.

  32. the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree does it Emily?

  33. So funny!
    What IS with the odd sock thing! I have a whole bag!!

  34. That is too funny! You could put words in my daughter’s mouth just like that and it would be a perfect match. We had better not let them two of them get together, no one would be safe!

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