Have a laugh on me

We're not all in the same boat, some of us struggle to even get in the boat!

Ten things men think but are usually smart enough not to say out loud!

54 Comments

Learning when to hold your tongue is a trait may of us aren’t so great at.

But in order to survive parenthood and marriage, many couples refrain from saying things they would LOVE to get off their chest.

I recently I wrote a post about books I’d love to publish

Here is a list that is sort of not really an extension of this:

Ten things husbands or partners would LOVE to say to us but never will – for fear of getting shot.

1. I know you were crushing candy just before I walked in the door and then quickly did the husband hustle to clean up this pigsty.

2. Your mum cooks way better than you! (Actually the Husband says this to me!).

3. Yes, yes I know you work WAY harder than me and you don’t get a lunch break, sick days, or to speak to other adults, blah blah blah.

4. Do you really think it’s such a great idea to eat chocolate and drink wine so late at night? Your GUT ain’t getting any smaller!

5. I couldn’t give a shit about the bargain you got at the supermarket today – unless it involves boobs.

6. Surely you’re not that naive to think that I only look at news videos on my very large-screened 4G smart phone.

7. If the lawns annoy you so fugging much get off your chocolate ass and do them yourself instead of hinting at how good the neighbours look!

8. Of course I love you but please shut the hell up about how tired you are – I’m trying to ignore you by watching sport, reality TV or play a game on my iPad.

9. I think it’s a great idea for you to get out of the house more – because it give me a few hours without your nagging.

10. I stopped listening about 30 seconds ago, what the hell are you talking about WOMAN? (This is when they start smiling and nodding).

What do you think your partner is secretly thinking but values their life too much to say?
Does your significant other actually say any of the above? Are they still alive?

Or are you kidding yourself in to thinking your lovely partner would NEVER have these thoughts?

It’s a Tuesday IBOT post – inspired by Jess @ Essentially Jess

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Author: Have A Laugh On Me

I'm a mum to three, write from home and I rarely cook, craft or clean but admire those who do. I try to live by the mantra that there's no point in worrying about something that might not happen! Be warned this is not a fluffy, sweet mummy blog, rather a place where you can cringe, laugh and be shocked at my brutally honest take on my life.

54 thoughts on “Ten things men think but are usually smart enough not to say out loud!

  1. Nup – Dadabulous has not completely mastered the art of tact. It must be an IT thing. I related an anecdote about how a young woman I worked with thought my age was around 35 (When its edging towards 43). The s.o.b laughed.
    Killer post once again! Loved it.

  2. He never says those things … but I KNOW he’s thinking them! Especially the smiling and nodding at inappropriate moments. It’s a dead giveaway. He was stupid enough to tell me I should get a size DOWN for my wedding gown … as incentive to lose weight to fit into it. I consider him very lucky to be alive, let alone married! Cheers, Alison

  3. I don’t talk much so my Micky Blue Eyes probably wishes I would at times. He’d definitely be thinking my Mum cooks better than me, and he’d be right! Actually anyone cooks better than me.

  4. Classic stuff Em! Can relate to quite a few of these…love that t-shirt, sometimes when I’m in angry ignoring mode after a fight I’ll deliberately enter the room hubby is in to silently remind him I’m ignoring him – childish but true 🙂

  5. Paul must have a death wish I swear. He’s said most of these things at one time or another…all of the ended with a glowering stare from me..and yet he says them again! One of his ‘beauties’ is talking about how *we* need to start getting more strict with Dyllan and getting him into a routine. I actually laugh at him every time he says it now. Dyllan’s in a perfect routine, it’s when he comes to stay that it gets fucked around!

    • Oh T I get this “someone” did blah blah and the only someone could be me but he won’t say it – quite amusing really! I suppose he can at least be admired for his honesty – they say it’s the best measure 😉

  6. My husband goes into what we like to call dolphin mode. His eyes glaze over and it’s as if he’s in another place – he’s a dolphin if you will, gliding through the ocean with not a though in his mind … 😉

  7. Haha. A good laugh today, thank you. I’m counting my lucky stars (or maybe his?) that Husband has never said any of the above. He may have thought them, but I guess at least he was clever enough not to verbalise!

  8. Oh, Em LMAO! Ouch, but some of those call for the ‘look’ PLUS a few weeks without!!
    and that army lad sipping on his cup of STFU has made my day! Me sees a personalised coffee mug coming right up!
    x

  9. lol My husband is less than tactful but he is learning because I think the look and the slightly raised voice he might get back at him isn’t worth it. Great round up!

  10. I am sure my hubby wants to say number three all the time!

  11. It’s a good thing they don’t say these things out loud. They wouldn’t last long would they?

  12. Hubby hasn’t said these things and he wouldn’t want to. But I’m sure on my days when the kids have driven me crazy he may have thought of one or two of them. The t-shirt cracked me up.

  13. Mine too! They are obviously very wise not doing so x

  14. I’m nodding furiously here Em!! Especially the one about “involves boobs”. Sometimes I say “look that girl has her top off!” to get his attention while he’s playing whatever on his phone, he almost gets whiplash!
    Great list and a great laugh, as usual xx

  15. Maybe something along the lines of….”you are rambling on about bloggers, you don’t know, who write on blogs on the internet, like they are our closest friends!!! No honey, I actually don’t care.”
    I suspect he may have thought that a few times… Josefa from #teamIBOT

  16. You make me laugh. I’m behind with the candy crush stuff, although was sitting next to a well dressed business man on the train yesterday who was very focussed on the game!

  17. Oh my, I can imagine what’s on my husband’s mind each time he catches me playing candy crush when I’m supposed to be watching the kids 🙂

  18. 3 and 10 are my top ones and i admit to doing #10 myself at him when he talks to me about work. deb xx

  19. yes thankfully my husband is a little smarter than that!….or maybe he has learnt to be over the years!

  20. After years and years together I wouldn’t know where to start! However I’m certain he’s actually thinking: You are so incredibly hot, my world made sense the moment I laid eyes on you and I would be totally lost without you. PS You are always right.

  21. Hilarious – you’ve made my day with this post Em – too funny (and sadly too true!!!)

  22. No. 5 is HILARIOUS. And possibly true. (do write this book – you have until next father’s day. It will be a best seller in the quirky gift section)

  23. Oh dear! That’s a little too illuminating Em! xx

  24. hahaha I want that t-shirt for myself! Yah, I found your blog 🙂 It looks great!

  25. Funny! This is why I don’t have a partner – though to be honest, I can’t help but think that I might be the person thinking some of this stuff sometimes!!

  26. Like most things we seem to have swapped roles in our house, these are the things that Anna wants and does say to me, except for the bit about boobs

  27. Oh Em! This is so true! #10 Big time until I ask him a question and he says can you repeat just the last thing you just said… Seriously only the last thing or the whole conversation!

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