I’ve always loved stream of consciousness writers, and while I like to think I’m one of them, I’m probably not.
However, for one time only I will be one.
For the next 10 minutes I’m going to share my inner monologue – just for shits and giggles (probably more shits than giggles).
Here are two definitions of “stream of consciousness” according to the ever hilarious Urban Dictionary:
1. The tendency of the human mind to inadvertently jump from one subject to another.
2. The act of daydreaming while you’re peeing.
Behold my verbal diarrhoea – defined by the Urban Dictionary as a:
“Nonsensical verbal diarrhea. Blathering a never-ending stream of craziness at someone who has no interest in and/or cannot understand what you’re talking about without a break in “conversation” allowing for them to politely escape.”
Strap yourselves in – it ain’t pretty…
I can’t stop thinking that the crown I just had fitted to my molar is not quite right because it’s trapping food and that can’t be great – FUG!
Do I call the dentist and go back for more pain? But if I don’t I might regret it because I paid a bloody fortune for it (just kidding husband it was a BARGAIN).
And when will I have the time to go? I have just agreed to write lots of BORING SHIT for various organisations and people because I am not in the position to be fussy when it comes to writing, because I work from home and only have two free days a week without children to try to make an average person’s income!
But that is what happens when you take maternity leave when you’re nearing the top of your game and then refuse to go back because you can’t bear the thought of not being around your baby every second of every day.
Mind you it was pretty shit they said come back full-time or not at all – bastards.
Whatever, I should be grateful that I am able to write from home, and while it’s not breaking (or making) news anymore, it pays the bills. It is also helping out small businesses who need a plug in this tough economy.
But if I did get my tooth fixed, the only day I have is Thursday but then I parent help and there are only two of us in the entire class that do it and if I pull out then our lovely teacher will miss out of valuable help and my daughter will miss not getting the coin I give her to go to the tuckshop when I parent help.
SHIT – okay so I have to go – wonder if they do late nights?
Then if I went at night I would miss out on quiet drinking time, and then wake up even crankier than I do usually at 4.30 – when the Husband’s alarm goes off.
Man I hate that, I wish I could attach a buzzer to his pecker so he’d wake up when it jolted him, because as soon as I hear that alarm I’m FUGGING AWAKE – yes at 4.30am every morning, then I get three kids streaming in from 5.30am…
OKAY so that is 10 minutes of my head dribble – isn’t my inner monologue boring??
What exciting things are going on in your brain at the moment?
Have a laugh on me 
August 25, 2013 at 2:12 pm
You have a crown? I haven’t been to the dentist for ages. No, not true, I’ve been since Mitchell was born so it can’t be so bad. So why are my braces (I have them on the back of my bottom teeth – I KNOW! YOU CAN GET THEM ON THE BACK! ISN’T THAT AWESOME?!) feeling so gunked up and feral? I should make an appointment. And one with the doctor. Need a new script. Should check my blood pressure… yep, it’s okay. Good. Hungry. Chocolate? I should eat an apple. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. That’s right, I was going to make a doctor’s appointment. Let’s do that now. They’re not open on Sundays. Write it on the calendar for tomorrow. Crud, I’m busy tomorrow. Reminder in the phone. Someone’s tagged me on facebook? What? WHAT? THAT’S HIDEOUS! UNTAG. Too late. 15 comments.
There’s mine for you. Just as exciting!
August 25, 2013 at 8:32 pm
LOVE LOVE LOVE Em – you rock!!! Isn’t it amazing how many thoughts we have every second! And that is amazing about braces, I didn’t know that! Hate it when someone tags a HIDDY photo of you xx
August 25, 2013 at 2:13 pm
ooooh challenge accepted! Will write a 10 minute stream of consciousness for my IBOT post this week. I’d definitely go back to the dentist! Before it gets worse! xo
August 25, 2013 at 8:32 pm
I can’t wait to read it – and it means no going back and changing, whatever spews out your head you have to write, LOVE LOVE xx
August 25, 2013 at 2:15 pm
ps I am all for pecker-buzzers for alarm clocks!! Except Monday & Thursday my alarm goes off first….hmmmmm…..
August 25, 2013 at 8:32 pm
Right, let’s set up a business!
August 25, 2013 at 5:50 pm
Dentists suck! I had root canal and a crown recently and it fell off and was just a debacle. Good luck!
August 25, 2013 at 8:33 pm
You’re kidding me! How bad is that? My tooth shouldn’t be this sore after a week 😦 x
August 25, 2013 at 6:14 pm
Haha! I love it Em! Thanks for the definition of “stream of consciousness”. So, this is how you call it! I should do a post like that too!
August 25, 2013 at 8:34 pm
Hey lovely, yes and please do a post like it, tag me though so I get to read it and have a laugh xxx
August 25, 2013 at 9:41 pm
Love it Em! You should certainly stream more often. I tend to do it all to often I think. Some days I barely have the time to blog let alone go back and edit what ever it is I have managed to spit out. I always dreamed of being a journo. Sigh.
August 25, 2013 at 9:57 pm
I do enjoy reading people’s SOC! And it’s never to late to be a journo – but it doesn’t pay well, people think you are lying and the hours suck! xx
August 25, 2013 at 9:42 pm
Stream of consciousness! I love it. I’ve never heard of it before but it’s what happens every night when Dave comes home from work. I just ramble pointless, crazy shit to him for 10 minutes while he goes into dolphin mode 😉
August 25, 2013 at 9:55 pm
Dolphin mode – I am so going to blog about that – with credits to you of course! x
August 25, 2013 at 10:11 pm
Oh my gosh I am going to do this! I’ll let you know when I have. I am all for pecker buzzing alarms. Thankfully, hubby’s doesn’t go off at 4.30 but it still manages to annoy me none-the-less. Also, I wish I knew how to start getting some paid writing gigs. There’s just something demoralizing about having to ask my husband if I can spend some money for his father’s day and birthday presents. Makes a person feel quite worthless.
Anyway, thank you for writing this, I quite enjoyed reading it!
August 26, 2013 at 10:06 am
Alarms are the PITS – I didn’t hear hubby’s this morning – strange but wonderful! I’m just lucky that I have contacts from my journo days, hence the paid writing. Have a great week Becky x
August 25, 2013 at 11:12 pm
Awesome piece Em. I’m in for the challenge too.
August 26, 2013 at 10:07 am
When you do – let me know and I’ll come see what’s on your mind!
August 26, 2013 at 1:17 am
right now in my brain ….. the need to pass on some info to you. You must get that tooth see to ….. take some advice from me (ex dental nurse) a crown should not get food trapped in it, around it or under it. Nor should it hurt. Get back there asap and demand they fix it or replace it.
August 26, 2013 at 10:08 am
I’m heading back tomorrow, not cool, my tooth wasn’t even sore before I had it crowned, it was just starting to and the big old metal filling was starting to crack so I did this as a preventative – so not happy! I will def demand they replace, at no cost. x
August 26, 2013 at 1:11 pm
Oh Em, this is fabulous!! I do this once a week for myself, but just keep it in a word document, so no one else sees. I’ve been doing it since last year and it’s amazing to look back on. I was going to make it a regular post, but haven’t had the courage to share all my blah 🙂
Now totally off topic: I’ve been having trouble with my email (still!!!!) so not sure if you received my list of Qs? if you did, all good, I know you’ve been crazy busy. I just didn’t want you to think I hadn’t sent it. Sorry to hijack your comments, honey.
Please take care of that tooth, sounds way painful! xx
August 26, 2013 at 1:14 pm
And that is a great idea re: getting thoughts down!!
And I actually emailed you responses last night! Let me know if got xx
August 26, 2013 at 5:01 pm
Believe me this is way more sensible than my inner dialogue. I think I’ll spare you all from it.
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August 27, 2013 at 8:26 am
You know that idea of morning pages that writers do… I did that once when I had only one son and he was TV addicted and I’d scribble a lot of old codswallop for 20 mins or whatever… must seek and destroy all that rubbish! But anyway, these early mornings are a killer… they really won’t last forever, however sadly it will feel as if they do. I got mine sorted a bit better but it’s been back to 5.30am for my wee ADHD twins… harsh for this ancient mother.
It’s TERRIBLE that you only had the choice to go back to work full-time… clearly a totally bonkers employer.
August 27, 2013 at 9:44 pm
Seana – love the way you write, call it as you see it and that you tell me that my early mornings aren’t forever! xx
August 27, 2013 at 9:11 pm
I have to do this challenge. It would be great to talk my random thoughts while doing a plumbing job. Some of the things that go through this head of mine what be interesting written on paper. I really enjoyed reading this post. I think you’re awesome. 😉
August 29, 2013 at 8:13 pm
Yes yes yes do it – I would TOTALLY read that, we could get an insight into what someone’s house was like – DO IT x
August 28, 2013 at 7:45 pm
My inner monologue is way more complicated and not so nice to me. Plus she swears like a mother fucker
August 29, 2013 at 8:13 pm
Oh dear, that’s not cool, give yourself a stern talking to Salz and wash your mouth out while you’re there 😉
August 29, 2013 at 6:51 pm
Mate, you should be a stream of consciousness writer, although it might be a little scary to be inside your head too often!
Just jokes, very entertaining 🙂
August 29, 2013 at 8:14 pm
My inside voice is usually a lot more freaky than this – like right now I’m spewing over the fact I have been purposely left off a social invite after having done a HUGE favour for someone, quite sad really but I’ll leave that for another day – or not xx