Goyte | Have a laugh on me

I’m dead set going to make my fortune by operating a chocolate pool because that is how 33 people came across have a laugh on me.

The old couple down the road, the cheeky man in bathtub , and the one with big natural tits would also be welcome.

Topics up for discussion could include why my hubby loves my cleavage, mops and brooms, what I did last week, that sissy at netball, and does motherhood get harder as kids get older.

Obviously very little needs to be worn in the pool full of chocolate, but I ask fans of candy crush to please come in candy crush themed outfit – but not literally.

A half-naked man may or may not be there for a virgo fed up but it’s a sure bet there’ll be some sissies in love there.

I’m sure they’re just talking and not exchanging sweet nothings!
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Those with a saggy boobs birthday wish will be catered for, especially those who know a farmer named bindi in new zealand north island.

I finally got my shit together and asked jack hughman and wife to be VIP’s, but they told me they prefer a bed covered in rose petals over a big chocolate pool – maybe they were worried about a woman accidentally farting.

I originally contemplated fences for kids who are ratbags and get under them, but luckily a naked man doing dishes – aka – the Husband – talked me out of it.

As an aside, my husband awesome dad recently busted me bending over picking up newspaper and thought “wow that’s my woman flashing delivery guy“.

Luckily he didn’t snap me talking to my hunchback masseuse who in the past has admitted that he has boobs bigger than head – I told him I could relate.

Often i laugh when he kisses me but it’s not in a laughing airhostess kinda way it’s more of a dentist laugh at me platonic kind of way.

See, like this sort of face eg "I'm NOT in to you Mr Hunchback masseuse!"

See, like this sort of face I pull eg “I’m NOT in to you Mr Hunchback masseuse!”

Anyway, back to the chocolate pool, I promise I will remove the long hair on my boobs before I test it.

It might take me 7 years to get my shit together but as long as I can keep the woman farting buttcrack away, would you be keen to visit?

I promise what goes on tour stays on tour and you’ll be saying to yourself thank god i’m fabulous for taking the plunge in the nude!

For those who choose to frequent the pool with chocolate in it, this is the moment to relax and dream about a naked man cleaning dishes and take time to look after your back .

This dude looks like he’s about to “do” the bench! Image source

And don’t worry if you have a wee accident because no one’s going to drive past your house and think you have a bloody useless husband for letting you expose your granny cleavage or allowing you to wee in my pool.

I truly think this is a way I will be able to carve out an identity of myself, it sure beats my idea of creating gangnam pasta, donating blood mantras or doing some pr for little mermaid.

But right now I have to go and do a sneaky poo and find a real good gorilla suit to serenade the hen night.

Am I on a roll with this swimming in chocolate idea? Or do you want to cut me off?

This is for those Goyte fans – especially you Saree!
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(All of the words in BOLD are search engine terms people have typed in and found my blog – they make me laugh on a daily basis – I hope you’ve had a wee giggle too!)

Thanks Jess for letting me link for IBOT – I wouldn’t miss it for the world…

Isn’t it funny how times have changed? Okay so maybe it’s more a little sad than funny but you catch my cliche.

Just imagine this – it’s 2005 and Valentine’s Day – I arrive home from work to find my bed laden in flower petals, a teddy bear, chocolates and a dozen red roses.

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This how I expect the 14th of February will occur this year:

We are a family of five

But you know what? Despite the fact that I no longer have much romance in my life (BOO) or the rose trimmings on the bed – because No.3 will eat them all – I wouldn’t change it for all the boutique wine in the world, and that’s a big call coming from me.

You know why? Because I have my awesome soul mate to spend it with!

I reckon until you meet yours you think it’s a load of SHITE – but for those of you who are super lucky, like me, and have met your soul mate – well be BLOODY GRATEFUL!

Our wedding day was so much fun!

I had met a few men who I considered to be ‘the one’ but things didn’t work out for various reasons and so I was kinda thinking I would have to ‘settle’ for someone who was on ‘the cusp of being the one’.

A friend told me she had met her true love and that when I did I would ‘just know’. I laughed it off – because I didn’t think it really existed.

Thankfully I was wrong and found that it was true some years later when I stumbled across mine when I was dragged out to a pub in Sydney to be a ‘wingman’.

As soon as I saw the Husband and our eyes met I felt like I was looking at life through rose-tinted glasses and even now I know that I can face anything with him by my side.

This is a feeling I wish for everyone – but especially my two gorgeous sisters – this is us – aren’t we ridiculously CUTE and rocking those bowl cuts with style!

Then again, maybe we aren’t all destined to be with Mr Soul Mate.

Instead many of us are lucky enough to meet our Mr Perfect Right Now, Mr We Complement Each Other, Mr We Piss Each Other Off Less Than Anyone We’ve Ever Met or Mr We Should Be Together Because The Time is Right and We Love Each Other For Who We Are!

So this Valentine’s Day – whether you celebrate it or not – let’s enjoy how much we love our significant other for who they are and why we love them!

Because love is the only thing on this planet that we really can’t buy.

Are you a Valentine’s Day person or not? And do you believe there is just one person out there for us, or do you think timing plays a part in who we end up with?

This post was brought to you by me – listening to Grammy-award winning Goyte – Somebody That I used to Know – these guys ROCK!

Listen to this amazing song here

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