Have a laugh on me

We're not all in the same boat, some of us struggle to even get in the boat!


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Trying to turn around my shitty day with a post about gorgeous men and taboo topics

You know those horrific days when you wonder how the hell you got to this point?

When you spend all day battling a toddler who is harder to please than your old-school newspaper editor who smoked a pack a day and glared over your shoulder and breathed on your neck as you typed.

Today is one of those.

My youngest child is a screecher, and not your garden variety, but your death metal band screecher.

In fact when he’s at full throttle dogs from at least 1km away start barking, I shit you not.

My little screecher feature, as I affectionately call him, is just 16 months going on three.

I get about 15 of these a day, when he doesn't get his way, usually they are accompanied by head banging on tiles or whatever surface he has throw himself on.

I get about 15 of these tantrums a day when he doesn’t get his way, usually they are accompanied by head banging on tiles or whatever surface he has throw himself on.

Every day I battle to not lose my shit at him – most days I fail and I end up running to the other end of the house to hide from him in Get Smart style, closing doors behind me as I flee.

Or at my worst I scream back at him and then feel like a total cow because he’s just tired and can’t tell me what he wants or why he’s upset.

As a blogger who says it like it is, warts and all, there isn’t much I wouldn’t write about, especially the fact that I yell at a 16-month-old – MOTHER OF THE YEAR!

But in the interests of playing nicely, and that fact I really dig her blog, I’m joining in with Kirsty’s @ My Home Truths for I Must Confess

The theme is ‘taboo topics I won’t tackle’.

The problem is that I will pretty much say and write about anything, but will apply sensitivity and tact if needs be.

So I’m bending the rules slightly and listing topics that I know would really anger or upset some people off if I wrote about:

1. My views on religion and wars across the centuries.
2. Why I think some people shouldn’t be allowed to have children.
3. When people who have dogs directly compare it to having kids – apples and pears people.
4. That I’m sick of parents who ignore their kids at parks, playgrounds, parties etc, and then get the shits with you when you tell their lil’ devil off for pushing your toddler in the dirt and then jumping on him.
5. People who tell me I’m SO LUCKY to have three children – I know I am – I’m not a complete f*&K head – but don’t say it to me when I’m knee-high in shit, tantrums, washing, screeching and work.

Something I know that won’t annoy most bloggers (well perhaps apart from Kev @ The Illiterate Infant) is writing about spunky men.

I figure it’s okay to look at the menu as long as I don’t select – although I reckon I’ve got a bloody good chance of getting lucky with the man in the last photo.

In keeping with Deb’s @ Home Life Simplified Listmania here’s the scoop I who I crush on.

The dudes I used to get all hot and bothered about as a teen were Johnny Depp from 21 Jump Street, Luke Perry from 90210, River Phoenix from Stand By Me, and Keanu Reeves from Point Break.

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Old school Johnny – but I still adore him now!

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River being a cool dude.

If you haven’t noticed I like bad boys, I always have, which is why I spent most of my 20s with a broken heart.

But here are some more of my recent crushes:

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Bradley Cooper for his come f@*k me eyes and awesomely unshaven face.

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Jack Hughman, as I like to call him, is totally HAWT.

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George Clooney – I’m partial to a bit of salt n’ pepper!

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The Husband – my very own Mr Clooney – who I think is a total spunk and everyday I am grateful to have bagged such a gorgeous man, inside and out.

So there you have it, what I shouldn’t blog about but probably will, and a list of peeps I crush on!

If you haven’t already, link up with Kirsty for I Must Confess

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And Deb for Listmania

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Not to mention the lovely Alicia @ One Mother Hen

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I must confess my first ever blog post wasn’t as hot as Hugh

While I do have a lot to get off my chest this week, I’m going to share my first ever blog post as suggested by Kirsty @ My Home Truths for I Must Confess.

Because I didn’t appreciate the value of photos my 1st post had none (BORING), so here is one just for the hell of it – it’s of my favourite spunknuts and gentleman!

Please enjoy Hugh Jackman – then my inaugural blog post 🙂

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Here is it:

To paraphrase a friend’s website – this blog ain’t gonna be pretty but it’s gonna be true!

Wow, this is like having to make a maiden speech in front of hundreds of people, except I have no audience, I’m not holding in my sticky-out stomach, and my hair looks like it’s been out the car window for too long.

Shucks so this is really just a place for me to record some precious moments of my life. It’s not one of those precious ”I love being a mum so much blog” – it might get ugly and offensive.

To paraphrase a friend’s website – this blog ain’t gonna be pretty but it’s gonna be true!

So strap yourself in for some amusing, honest, blunt, rude, obnoxious, insensitive anecdotes on my life as an slightly overweight, working, honest, sensitive (at times) mother of three and wife.

So that was it!!! Do you feel totally underwhelmed – here is my third one called Spaghetti – still with no pic 😦 !

If you’d walk past my house or been unlucky enough to visit at 5.30 this evening you would have been wondering how I was allowed to procreate!

For starters we were watching Christmas DVD’s so loud the neighbour’s dogs were trying to join in. Next of all, I had just asked No.1 to find No.3 in case he had found the lollipop he had dropped outside yesterday, and yes he had discovered it in the dirt and was making short work of it.

No.2 was running around without pants shouting wee,wee, no poo poo and trying to body slam No.3 any chance he could.

With husband stuck in traffic, we sat down to eat messy Spaghetti, with Wiggles Christmas still playing (kill me) but at least there was some peace. I was just about to take a HUGE gulp of medicinal compound (wine) when said husband arrived, crap.

Just as my hard working, easy going, tired husband arrives home, No.3 decides the dinner on his plate felt lonely, so he threw it down on the ground to play with its friends, on my recently mopped floor.

While no-one was looking I did the most sensible thing someone in my position would do, take a BIG sip, okay it was a gulp!

Who knew that dinners, in fact every meal, would be such a horrific experience with children. I thought they just ate what we ate, did what we did, and smiled nicely and said nothing.

But unfortunately times have changed and we can no longer scare our kids to be quiet like many of our parents did!!!

Not that I would want to (insert sarcastic face), in fact I love being asked to read No.1’s recently received Santa mail letter from Westfield 7 times (yawn). But it’s true, back in the days kids were seen and not heard.

I don’t agree with that necessarily, but that is a subject for another day. Gulp, night night!

So there we have it – don’t worry I’ve got better and have made my posts more aesthetically pleasing – see image below – another hottie photo because I now despise just posting blocks of text 🙂

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Don’t laugh but I must confess I have always loved Sean Connery, even as he’s aged.

So have you got something to say or confess that you’re too afraid to say to personally?

Link up and get it all out via Kirsty @ My Home Truths for I Must Confess.

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