Have a laugh on me

We're not all in the same boat, some of us struggle to even get in the boat!


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In order to survive as parents we must have no shame and turn a blind eye

Sometimes being a parent is like living in a war zone.

You’re not sure where your enemy is hiding and what they’re going to do next!

My sister bought this for my son but I've taken a shine to it! Notice in the background my youngest is about to blow a poisonous dart at his brother?

My sister bought this for my son but I’ve taken a shine to it! Notice in the background my youngest is about to blow a poisonous dart at his brother?


Before children I was pretty confident I knew HEAPS about being a parent.

I was a nanny for three years on and off in New York so was quite deluded sure I knew what I was getting in to!

Was I wrong? Does a bear shit in the woods?

While I knew it was a HUGE commitment – I didn’t realise some of the other skills I needed:

NO SHAME

This comes in useful for when your offspring tells the person at the chemist in an unusually clear and loud voice that “even my mum had an itchy bum when she was a little girl”.

THICK SKIN

On a daily basis you will be kicked, spat at, answered back to, and even told that you’re not loved. While I admit to being sensitive in regards to what people say about me, I know that when my kids bag me out they don’t REALLY mean it, they are just frustrated.

My youngest totally going psycho because he can't do something he's not physically able to do at just 18 months!

My youngest totally going psycho because he can’t do something he’s not physically able to do at just 18 months!

A YARD GLASS FULL OF PATIENCE

While I still haven’t totally mastered this I’m getting there – or maybe I’m just getting better at ignoring them?

This is needed for the soul-destroying job that is toilet training, sight words (kill me) and teaching a three-year-old he has to wash his hands EVERY time after he goes to the toilet.

This what happens when you ignore your kids for half an hour!

This what happens when you ignore your kids for half an hour!

THE ABILITY TO TURN A BLIND EYE

This comes in useful for when you know they’re in the fridge fossicking for food and you can’t be arsed getting out of bed at 6am to police it. It’s only once the fridge door has been open for a minute and starts to BEEP that you haul your butt outta bed to investigate what has been spilled.

CAREFREE

You have to forget about the mess in the toilet, the screaming/screeching from dawn til dusk, the chaos at dinner time, the shit fights ALL THE TIME, the drama at bedtime and just let them be kids. This has been a hard thing for me to accept – but since having my third I’ve had to let A LOT of things go (including my waistline and many of my non-drinking friends 😉 )

This was 15 minutes of fun for 10 minutes of cleaning up - but whatever - they had a ball!

This was 15 minutes of fun for 10 minutes of cleaning up – but whatever – they had a ball!

ACCEPT BEING BROKE

There will be no more nice things for the house, drinking at the pub for hours, or booking a last-minute flight to see a friend interstate. You will spend your money on theme park passes, buying car seats, over-priced stainless steel drink bottles (@ $30 a pop they are bloody ridiculous) and bikes, scooters and toys – most of which they’ll play with for five minutes before NEVER picking them up again.

What is the most useful skill you think a parent needs? Do you have it or still acquiring it?

So after a week off I’m back blogging – What have I missed out on in your life???

Thanks for hosting Jess and I hope your editing is going great guns!

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It’s really not hard to spot a mother of three!

While I would hate to tar every mum of three with my dirty ole’ brush – but here’s five ways to spot one! (a mum of three that is, not an old brush).

1. SHOCKING DRESS SENSE
We’re so busy making sure our offspring are dressed appropriately – that we often neglect our own appearance, because quite frankly we couldn’t give a shit how we look.

In fact it’s a win if we manage to strap on a bra, comb our hair, and brush our teeth to get rid of our morning coffee breath.

I often just smash back a piece of sugar-free gum as I dash out the door!

I can't for the life of me understand why my daughter's teacher looked at me funny the other day.

I can’t for the life of me understand why my daughter’s teacher looked at me funny the other day.

2. EARLY INDEPENDENCE

As we battle to get scooters, shoes, strollers, wine water, snacks, change of clothes, sanity, out of the car, we often get our kids to try do more things for themselves.

While this has resulted in pants being put on backwards, a day when my daughter went to kindy without knickers on, and water puddles on the kitchen floor from trying to pour their own drink – sometimes they get it right!

In saying that, maybe it’s a bit much to expect my 1.5-year-old to “find your blue pj’s, the ones with the three fish on them, and put them on them on please”.

I asked my gorgeous boy to put his helmet on - great job me thinks!

I asked my gorgeous boy to put his helmet on – great job me thinks!

3. VERY RELAXED PARENTING

Because we have more kids than adults in our family, every outing is a shit fight, and we just have to accept that – or go more insane than we already are.

There will be crying, kids wanting to wee 30 seconds after you pull out of the garage and “a traffic jam, when you’re already late” (thanks Alanis).

But because we’ve accepted the fact that we have very little control over our developing devil children, we just say MEH and take it as it comes.

This includes letting them swim in clothes, run around in the nick, and eat bark chips and sand, there’s gotta be something nutritious in it surely.

We also don’t have the energy to worry give our No.3s much more freedom when it comes to playground equipment.

Is that a mermaid?

Is that a mermaid?

Thankfully No.3's head is blocking the nudeness of No.2!

Thankfully No.3’s head is blocking the nudeness of No.2!

4. MESS

Despite the fact that we are tripping over toys all day and night, we usually have one BIG basket, container or cupboard we can shove shit in to make the house look tidy in 30 seconds.

These will be strategically scattered throughout the entire house, take a look next time you visit a MOT, once you know what you’re looking for you’ll see them in EVERY ROOM!

We don’t distinguish soft toys from cars or balls anymore, we just throw it all in the one spot, telling ourselves we’ll sort it out soon (WHATEVER).

This faithful basket has been hiding shit for the past four years!

This faithful basket has been hiding shit for the past four years!


5. NO SHAME

Once you’ve had three kids, you really don’t have the time or energy to give a shit about much.

You find that you end up surrounding yourself with those who can accept that you’ve gone a little bit whacked in the head and love you anyways.

Sisters are always great for that – they listen to you moan about how you’re going insane and that life is SHIT but they just nod and listen because they know you don’t really mean it but you have to vent to someone!

It also helps if your husband isn’t very observant and doesn’t notice your hair needs a wash or that you’ve stacked on 10kg overnight because you can’t be farked exercising.

This is what happens when you have three kids and go on holiday with you amazeballs  sisters! NO SHAME

This is what happens when you have three kids and go on holiday with you amazeballs sisters and get drunk! NO SHAME

What other tell-tale signs give us MOTs away? What is your secret to parenting three or more kids?

Thanks to the AWESOME Grace at With Some Grace I’m flogging my blog!