Have a laugh on me

We're not all in the same boat, some of us struggle to even get in the boat!


69 Comments

I just got a written warning from my 22-month-old!

This is what my youngest son would say to me if he could.

Dear Mumma,

Straight off the bat, I gotta say I’m all for kisses and cuddles but DAMN keep that morning and coffee breath away from me girl!

And before I get to some more constructive criticism or general observations, I just wanted to say that I think most of the time you do a stella job.

(I said MOST not all, so don’t get cocky)

Here is an example of you NOT doing a great job - seriously - a HAIR TIE?

Here is an example of you NOT doing a great job – seriously – a HAIR TIE?

Here’s just a few points I’d like you to consider:

DRESS SENSE

I’m fine (sort of) with wearing hand-me-downs all the time, but what is it with you and socks?

For fug’s sake why can’t you find a matching pair? Don’t you know I cop flak from the peeps at kindy for that?

And what is up with those horrible tan track pants? Nanny and I tried to hide those horrible threads from you and somehow they are back on the agenda.

Not cool mumsy, NOT COOL!

As for this hat - talk about embarrassing, it's tartan, floppy and does NOTHING for me!

As for this hat – talk about embarrassing, it’s tartan, floppy and does NOTHING for me!

FEED ME NOW

As for food, keep it coming thick and fast, and when I say milk, I mean it.

I also think you could sharpen up on the promptness of your nappy changing.

For example, when I say ‘no’ when you ask if I have a poo, I’m totally lying – do you think I enjoy squishy bum cheeks?

You are cramping my style with this selfie, please keep your distance when I'm on drinking ma milk!

You are cramping my style with this selfie, please keep your distance when I’m drinking ma milk!

YOU’RE A SLOB

And what is it with you and mess on the floor, how hard is it for you to pick up crumbs and general mess?

I know you’re busy but come on – I see you sneaking in a game of Candy Crush when you think no one is looking.

Honestly I’m sick of doing all the work around here!

See mum - this is the pantry, inside is a rubbish bin - use this dustpan and brush to clean up - it's THAT EASY!

See mum – this is the pantry, inside is a rubbish bin – use this dustpan and brush to clean up – it’s THAT EASY!

This long thing is called a broom, it belongs in the messy cupboard beside the fridge, you know the one this is stuff full of crap!

This long thing is called a broom, it belongs in the messy cupboard beside the fridge, you know the one this is stuffed full of crap!

ESCAPE IS FUTILE

Oh and another thing, don’t think that when you hide by the washing line, walk-in-robe, or pantry that I don’t know you are there.

I’m secretly waiting around the corner to leap out and scream in your face to punish you for running away from me!

BOOM!

HAIR

Lastly and most importantly – LEAVE MY CRADLE CAP ALONE!

This means no sneaky picking when I’m on your knee, no scratching when I’m on a stool that I can’t get off by myself, and DEFINITELY hands off when we’re in public!

If you continue to do this, I will retrieve the pair of kitchen tongs I hide under my pillow and visit you in the middle of the night, it won’t be pleasant.

xAR

If your youngest child could speak to you – what would they say? Are you guilty of any of the above?

Happy Tuesday IBOT’ers – linking with Jess @ Essentially Jess

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