Have a laugh on me

We're not all in the same boat, some of us struggle to even get in the boat!


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A break in transmission from cutting remarks, piss-taking and humour.

I interrupt my regular programming of cutting remarks, sarcasm and piss-taking to bring you this…

Now look in to his eyes - what do you see? I see sadness, and it's breaking my heart :(

Look in to his eyes – what do you see? I see sadness, fear, and it’s breaking my heart 😦 I also see his siblings running off to the swings.

(And please think twice before you stop reading).

I fear my gorgeous boy, just 3.5 years old, is losing any confidence he might have had.

He’s always been sensitive, and he gets that from me (no truly he does), so I can understand why he cries a lot.

But recently he’s become scared of everything, just a few months ago he used to love feeding ‘Gwandad’s cows’ and now he’s fearful of going near them.

He’s stopped eating things he used to adore, he won’t put on his shoes, and he rarely dances around the house like a happy, carefree soul anymore.

My gorgeous boy

My gorgeous boy

EVERYTHING I ask him to do is a problem and he says he can’t do it and then cries, proper tears, when I insist he tries.

He doesn’t eat, unless I insist and even then it’s a drama that usually ends in tears :(.

Yes I do get cranky if he doesn’t eat what he’s given because I make the other two do the same – plus he’s also losing weight.

But it’s not just food, it’s EVERYTHING.

Part of me thinks I need to have a different set of rules for my sensitive soul – maybe I’m making things worse by being so black/white?

He is the middle child – however I don’t think it’s middle-child syndrome, this is a too simplistic view.

I haven't seen my careful boy in a while :(

I haven’t seen my careful boy in awhile 😦

Admittedly my older child is more demanding and my ‘baby’ gets attention because I’m always telling him off, or laughing at his craziness.

However, I think it comes down to his personality and I know I can’t change this and quite frankly don’t want to.

I want to nurture, love, strengthen and encourage it.

At the moment nothing is working – the nice approach, the tough stance, the negotiation, the overly positive approach.

My heart broke at the dinner table the other night as my blue-eyed boy, who sits across from me, asked quietly: “Do you love me mummy?”.

Holding back a tear I said: “Of course my precious – I love you to the moon and back”.

I could go in to the guilt of having 3 kids in 3.5 years and how little time I have actually had to adore them separately – but I won’t.

So I’m putting it out in to the blogosphere – if I have ever made you laugh, smile or snigger, I would appreciate your thoughts and advice.

I know there are lots of books – but I would appreciate words of wisdom from you.

And here you all thought I had no heart just because I always say not very nice things about my life and kids.

So I'm still working on the brain part ;)

See – the Tin Man, or woman in my case, does have a heart.

So please mums, dads, aunties, uncles, sisters, brothers, grandparents, I’ve tried everything – how can I make my son’s eyes smile and dance again?

Thanks to the ever-present Jess @ Essentially Jess – for allowing me to reach out via IBOT

Oh and in case you didn’t see my genius last week – feast your eyes on this PUPPY!

Now I just have to figure out how to link to blog - someone... please?

Now I just have to figure out how to link to blog – someone… please?

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It’s taken me a year to get my shit together, but I finally have

I just can’t stop looking at the photo below, right now I’m just shaking my head going – who the hell is that???

In fact the Husband just walked past and said “WOW, I didn’t realise you were that big?”

(I totally adore the fact that he has always loved me for me, not how I look, and has never seen anything but beauty in me.)

This was taken in March 2012 when No.1 had an awesome Princess Party.

This was taken in March 2012 when No.1 had an awesome Princess Party, notice how I am clasping my hands because I feel so embarrassed about myself .

You know I wouldn’t usually put such an unflattering photo of myself up for public scrutiny but I’ve got to a place where I feel I can.

It’s probably because I don’t recognise myself in this photo and I know I will NEVER go back to looking or feeling like this.

I remember feeling so fat, awkward and uncomfortable that day and I don’t think I even looked anyone in the eye – which is so not like me.

I was embarrassed of myself, and that is a feeling that I know I never want to have again.

All day I remember thinking “Oh man this is not really me, I am uncomfortable, so huge, look at my tummy, chins and arms, I wish I wasn’t so fat and horrible.”

This is one thing I know I never want to feel or think again.

I never want to have such bad self esteem.

Thankfully in the past few months, I’ve turned a corner and now look like this.

Notice my genuine smile!

Notice my genuine smile with my much loved and adored third born!

Last year I struggled in all aspects of my life following the arrival of my 3rd child in just 3.5 years.

He was unexpected, and I think I used this as an excuse to eat, drink and do whatever I wanted.

Unfortunately this included going down a path of self destruction, refusing social invites and not being in contact with friends I used to see regularly.

I was embarrassed about how I looked, but I was also not coping with everyday stuff, and I couldn’t deal with how much my life had changed.

However, 2013 is my year and I’m totally owning this sucker.

I am committed to reclaiming my life, my figure and my self esteem.

If you are in this position right now please remember that Rome wasn’t built in a day so be kind to yourself!

Have you been there and done that? Have you climbed out of a hole you thought you never could??

TGIF and I’m linking up with super mum – Miss Cinders for “Things I know”

Things I Know

I’m also flogging my blog with mum to three Grace from With Some Grace for Flog Yo Blog Friday


And flashing with Bree @ Twinkle in the Eye for Flash Blog Friday