Have a laugh on me

We're not all in the same boat, some of us struggle to even get in the boat!


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Wanna join my club where parents can make wildly inappropriate comments and confessions?

I might set up a club, not the pole dancing type, the once-a-week meet and drink greet sort.

It’ll be a place where parents can confess their innermost thoughts, have a rant and say exactly what they think without fear of retribution.

You’ll be handed a bucket of coffee, wine, AND chocolate as you walk through the door to congratulate you for making it through another week of parenting.

fadf

The meetings won’t be well publicised or else someone will shut us down for being politically incorrect.

I couldn't agree more!

I couldn’t agree more!

Okay so I’ll warm things up a bit with a some things I want to get off my chest.

1. I knew I should have married for money and not love (no offence to the Husband of course).

I don't need to state the obvious do I?  Image source

I don’t need to state the obvious do I?
Image source

2. I often feign a sickness at dinner time because I can’t stand the kids moaning about how much they hate my meals.

3. For a start there I thought a Thermomix was a kinky toy – an expensive one at that!

4. The music is WAY too loud in retail shops these days – I’m trying to buy granny undies clothes not have a fugging dance party!

6. I wish all those organised people would stop trying to motivate me with positive posters and get their butts to my house and do the job for me.

Yes - this is one of my cupboards, any volunteers to come sort it out? Thought not

Yes – this is one of my cupboards, any volunteers to come sort it out? Thought not

7. When I said to my son: “I’m going to put you down” I meant on the ground, someone obviously took my comment WAY out of context.

The son I often threaten to "put down".

The son I often threaten to “put down”.

8. No shit I’m cranky and look tired, I’ve basically been awake for the past five years with a few four-to-five hour breaks in between where I have been able to lie down and close my eyes.

9. If keeping my kids up later at night meant they’d sleep past 5.15am, I’d fed them blue lollies and throw them a disco party EVERY NIGHT.

10. Don’t be fooled by the cuteness of my youngest, he’s like a member of the Cullen family (Twilight vampire reference), he epitomises gorgeousness so when he rips your head off you are taken completely off guard.

No family is this good looking - well except mine of course.  Image source

No family is this good looking – well except mine of course.
Image source

Do you have anything you want to get off your chest? Would you be a starter for my club? Are you sick of being woken at 5.15 EVERY MORNING?

Another IBOT with Jess @ Essentially Jess

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My action-packed drive to the movies and why I love selfies, bogans and Team Jacob

I escaped the house this weekend and it was AMAZING!

This is how I looked in the car on the way – notice the empty car seats in the back!

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For all of you ‘I hate people who take selfies’ – well let’s just say the steering wheel took this photo – to make you feel better.

And it was at the traffic lights – I swear.

And by the way, for all you self taken photo haters – of which I know there are heaps – cut me some slack.

For starters, I’m just getting used to my new fandangle iPhone, that has the selfie option for a reason, because everyone wants to take a great shot of themselves.

Because if we’re all totally honest, no-one really likes someone else taking a photo of them, especially short people as they have to aim the camera up and that results in triple chins.

I can handle a double chin as I’m still a work in progress but not a triple.

But we all want to look a certain way in a photo, and while others might say ‘oh you look awesome’ it’s not true.

They are just saying this so you will stop asking them to take more photos of you – sound familiar???

Anyway, back to me leaving the house without any kids.

For me to go anywhere on my own is a BIG DEAL LUCILLE

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(This is Lucille Ball – for those of you youngins out there, she was an American comedian, film, television, model, film and television executive, and star of the sitcoms I Love Lucy)

Man I get off topic easily, imagine actually having a one-on-one conversation with me, I can tell you it’s not easy to follow what I’m saying half the time.

But back to the topic at hand, time to myself.

I was heading to the movies, Gold Class, to watch the final of the Twilight Saga.

For those of you who care, I used to be Team Edward, for romantic reasons, but I’ve now changed to Team Jacob, for aesthetic reasons.

As I was driving there I turned up the music very loud.

Unfortunately Hi-5 Christmas bellowed out from the speakers until I changed it to a random CD with some good Indie music.

So I wound down the front windows to feel the breeze in my hair and sung my heart out to Smashing Pumpkins.

I must’ve looked like a right royal dick but I didn’t give a shit.

I could play my music as loud as I wanted, I didn’t have to explain why there were three different coloured traffic lights and why did I go through the orange one, and I could sing as loudly and badly as I wanted.

Bliss, bliss, bliss.

I sometimes wonder if I shouldn’t just save the $40 I spend at the movies and just put that in the tank and drive for an hour, singing and bopping to my favourite music.

I should also mention that I had to drag everyone at the traffic lights, and didn’t have to worry about the kids calling me a ‘bogan’ driver!

I don’t know why I have to be the first cab off the rank, it’s just that competitive streak in me, and I do it when it’s just me in the car.

The movie was McAwesome, and just as I was leaving the shopping centre the McAwesome Husband sent me this photo….

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(L to R – No 3. No.2 and No.1)

What a bloody legend he his, feeding the kids before I got home.

I can’t see any green food there, but hey as far as I’m concerned they ate it before he took this photo – YEAH RIGHT.

But basically I got home and the kids were HANGING to see me, which is always nice.

I also had some quality time without my precious babies.

My point is…. do I ever really have a point… but if I did, it would be that it’s so important to just get away from the four walls you live in.

Whether it’s voluntarily or you just get up and leave because if you don’t you’ll go insane.

It takes a big person to admit they’re not coping and need some time out.

I’m just eternally grateful I have such a McAwesome Husband who puts up with me.

I sometimes wonder how he does it – and why.

I know it’s because he loves me, and he knows that when I’m a super cranky pants, it’s not because I don’t love him.

We always lash out at those we love the most, because we can.

He is my rock, so unfortunately he will cop it.

In saying that, there is a line in the sand, it’s reasonably invisible, but once I’ve crossed it, he lets me know.

And I’m glad he does, because you know what, I could not live without him – no shit.

So don’t feel bad about escaping, because remember a happy wife means a happy life!

And yep It’s Tuesday so I’m linking up with the awesome and helpful Jess at Essentially Jess

Oh and by the way – to find out the 5 impossible things I want for Xmas read yesterday’s post!