Have a laugh on me

We're not all in the same boat, some of us struggle to even get in the boat!


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It’s really not hard to spot a mother of three!

While I would hate to tar every mum of three with my dirty ole’ brush – but here’s five ways to spot one! (a mum of three that is, not an old brush).

1. SHOCKING DRESS SENSE
We’re so busy making sure our offspring are dressed appropriately – that we often neglect our own appearance, because quite frankly we couldn’t give a shit how we look.

In fact it’s a win if we manage to strap on a bra, comb our hair, and brush our teeth to get rid of our morning coffee breath.

I often just smash back a piece of sugar-free gum as I dash out the door!

I can't for the life of me understand why my daughter's teacher looked at me funny the other day.

I can’t for the life of me understand why my daughter’s teacher looked at me funny the other day.

2. EARLY INDEPENDENCE

As we battle to get scooters, shoes, strollers, wine water, snacks, change of clothes, sanity, out of the car, we often get our kids to try do more things for themselves.

While this has resulted in pants being put on backwards, a day when my daughter went to kindy without knickers on, and water puddles on the kitchen floor from trying to pour their own drink – sometimes they get it right!

In saying that, maybe it’s a bit much to expect my 1.5-year-old to “find your blue pj’s, the ones with the three fish on them, and put them on them on please”.

I asked my gorgeous boy to put his helmet on - great job me thinks!

I asked my gorgeous boy to put his helmet on – great job me thinks!

3. VERY RELAXED PARENTING

Because we have more kids than adults in our family, every outing is a shit fight, and we just have to accept that – or go more insane than we already are.

There will be crying, kids wanting to wee 30 seconds after you pull out of the garage and “a traffic jam, when you’re already late” (thanks Alanis).

But because we’ve accepted the fact that we have very little control over our developing devil children, we just say MEH and take it as it comes.

This includes letting them swim in clothes, run around in the nick, and eat bark chips and sand, there’s gotta be something nutritious in it surely.

We also don’t have the energy to worry give our No.3s much more freedom when it comes to playground equipment.

Is that a mermaid?

Is that a mermaid?

Thankfully No.3's head is blocking the nudeness of No.2!

Thankfully No.3’s head is blocking the nudeness of No.2!

4. MESS

Despite the fact that we are tripping over toys all day and night, we usually have one BIG basket, container or cupboard we can shove shit in to make the house look tidy in 30 seconds.

These will be strategically scattered throughout the entire house, take a look next time you visit a MOT, once you know what you’re looking for you’ll see them in EVERY ROOM!

We don’t distinguish soft toys from cars or balls anymore, we just throw it all in the one spot, telling ourselves we’ll sort it out soon (WHATEVER).

This faithful basket has been hiding shit for the past four years!

This faithful basket has been hiding shit for the past four years!


5. NO SHAME

Once you’ve had three kids, you really don’t have the time or energy to give a shit about much.

You find that you end up surrounding yourself with those who can accept that you’ve gone a little bit whacked in the head and love you anyways.

Sisters are always great for that – they listen to you moan about how you’re going insane and that life is SHIT but they just nod and listen because they know you don’t really mean it but you have to vent to someone!

It also helps if your husband isn’t very observant and doesn’t notice your hair needs a wash or that you’ve stacked on 10kg overnight because you can’t be farked exercising.

This is what happens when you have three kids and go on holiday with you amazeballs  sisters! NO SHAME

This is what happens when you have three kids and go on holiday with you amazeballs sisters and get drunk! NO SHAME

What other tell-tale signs give us MOTs away? What is your secret to parenting three or more kids?

Thanks to the AWESOME Grace at With Some Grace I’m flogging my blog!


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Top tips to surviving extremely early wake ups

I’ve never had children that sleep in, no matter what time I put them to bed they wake up around 5 – 5.30am.

This is despite the fact their rooms have tinted windows, blinds and black-out curtains (obsessive much?)

But nothing works – I’ve tried days of keeping them up longer at night, putting them back to bed dozens of times and even tying their doors shut with string because we don’t have locks – EPIC FAILURES.

And unfortunately no one has invented a strap to keep kids in bed (hint hint).

Over the years I’ve relied on certain pick-me-ups to help me get through the constant tiredness that plagues me.

Meet my friends :)

Meet my friends 🙂 Image source

However, I have also developed a few coping mechanism of my own to survive 5am wakes ups.

And I’m going to share (which is something I don’t like to do – especially with the above three sanity savers)

1. HIDE AND SEEK
It’s rare you’ll sleep through an entire night, so when you wake in the early hours say 2 or 3am, sneak into your walk-in-robe, under the stairs or even the car. This will not only give you more sleep but ensure children won’t find you for a LONG time.

2. PLAYING DEAD
When you wee treasures shake you, leap on you or poke you in the eye to wake you before dawn’s crack – just increase the noise level of your snoring or breathing. If they’re really young you can say “I’m still asleep” and they’ll believe you!

This is me playing dead, notice how the creatures are all crawling over me, trying to wake me up - but no I resist!

This is me playing dead, notice how the creatures are all crawling over me, trying to wake me up – but no I resist!


3. SNACKS
This one is a bit like trying to attract wild beasts – it requires you leaving food in a place they can see and will take, my favourite is strategically placing apples on the kitchen bench where they can reach them.

However, if you have small ones be warned – you’ll probably break a toe as you leap out of bed because you think you hear one of your children choking on apple skin.

But don’t be fooled these creatures have mastered the art of acting, and this could quite possibly be a ploy to get your ass outta bed and give them breakfast.

(Be warned they are also VERY good at finding unusual ways to wake you up in the morning)

Here is No.3 giving me the evil shit eye - he was just about to try another method of waking me up - chainsaw to the head!

Here is No.3 giving me the evil shit eye – he was just about to try another method of waking me up – chainsaw to the head!

4. BRIBERY NEGOTIATION
There are days when you’ll say just about anything to keep your eyes closed for five more minutes, but be very careful what you promise kids. They have incredible memories and won’t forget you offered to take them hot air ballooning or give them chocolate for lunch!

Instead use trips to the park, painting or playing on the road trampoline as ways to get them to leave you in peace for a bit longer.

5. SEND OUT SOS
If you’re like me and fortunate enough to have family nearby, then invite them down to stay. They can be the bait, make them sleep in the lounge and the kids will come flocking to them instead of you!

And most of the time loved ones don’t mind doing the morning shift once in a while because they know you have a lifetime of it and they can bugger off the next day!

My gorgeous mum feeding No.3 at a stupidly early hour in the morning! THANKS mumma!

My gorgeous mum feeding No.3 at a stupidly early hour in the morning! THANKS mumma!

And if all else fails, refer to top image – but be careful which one you choose at 5.30am in the morning!!

What are you tips to surviving 5am wake ups? Or are you lucky enough to have kids who love sleep?

It’s Tuesday – aka IBOT with Jess from Essentially Jess


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Why you should shed your old skin and say yes to invitations out

In the interests of trying to have a life and reconnect with my friends – I’m frocking up for a cocktail party at a friend’s house this weekend.

For the past few years I’ve turned down almost every offer of a night out, blaming it on the kids.

And so of course the invitations out have pretty much shrivelled up and died.

People will stop asking you to go out if you never take them up on it – thankfully this friend hasn’t because she knows the roller coaster ride my life has been since having my third.

I’m pretty excited about it and I’d like to say that I’ll just sip my mojito, pina colada or marguarita, but I’d be lying – and that’s not how I roll.

This is me after 4.5 hours after landing in Cairns for a big weekend with my sisters - PASSED OUT - I mean tired.

This is me after 4.5 hours after landing in Cairns for a big weekend with my sisters – PASSED OUT – I was so tired 🙂

In fact I’ll probably offer to help the host make the cocktails just so I can get close to the action.

Since I no longer fit my pre-baby clothes and I am too small for my post-baby clothes – I had to find a dress to wear.

Shopping used to be fun when I was young, slim and had disposable income – now it’s worse than having two screaming toddlers hanging off you at the computer (like right now).

I also had to get new shoes because I can’t wear thongs, and since having kids I’ve gone from a size 10 to 11 – totally bizzaro right?

Have a laugh at my dressing room shenanigans.

A rack of boobs anyone?

Boob burger anyone?

It's the bust thing I didn't like - just a bit too pronounced

It’s the clam-style bust thingee I didn’t like and maybe the blah colour – and yes those are my actual clothes on the dirty floor.

This is the winning dress - it looks better from behind, but I can't walk backwards all night.

This pink stunner is the winning dress – it looks better from behind, but I can’t walk backwards all night.

I look surprising okay in this (if I do say so myself). Again I can't walk around holding my camera out like this all night just to hide my tuck shop arms

The dress looks nice in this but it’s because my arms are up but I can’t walk around holding my camera out like this all night just to hide my tuckshop arms.

My horse shoes, size 11, were $35 down to $9.43 - BARGAIN

My horse shoes, size 11, were $35 down to $9.43 – BARGAIN.

Here’s a list of things I know:

* I’ll only be able to ‘own’ the pink number by wearing my faithful sucky-in knickers. For those of you who haven’t discovered these beige beauties, don’t knock em’ – just imagine not having to think about holding in your tummy and front bum all night. SCORE.

* Those cheap-shit shoes will give me blisters and will stay on for a maximum of 1.5 hours, or until I’m drunk enough to over share and tell the entire party that I haven’t worn heals since I had 3 kids in 3.5 years, yadda yadda yadda yawn.

* I’m packing two fast-working headache pills for Sunday morning – yep I’m sleeping over. I know right lucky me – but you know I’m going to be in massive husband debt – and payment options are limited these days.

* That no matter what I think about my appearance – I won’t look as bad as I did in this photo – flashing back to the early 1990s.

What a stunner right - and no this wasn't a fancy dress party, I found this dress of mums and thought I could totally rock it!!!

What a stunner right – and no this wasn’t a fancy dress party, I found this in mum’s wardrobe and thought I could totally rock it! How goneburger do I look?

* I’m bound to say something I shouldn’t and/or dance Gangnam style – but I won’t remember it until a few weeks later.

* On Sunday I will say to the Husband that I’m never drinking again and the kids will be ultra feral and loud.

S8nOhmi
Image source

I also have some advice to those of you who are staying at home unnecessarily like I was – escape your four walls and go out at night once in a while!

Walk to the shops, have dinner with friends, or just go somewhere by yourself for a $7 coffee/cake.

It’s so easy to stay in your sloppy pants, pour a glass of wine and miserably watch TV and moan about your lot – this was me for WAY too long.

But this year – the Year of the Snake – I’m shedding my old skin and taking up most offers that come my way.

Because meeting new people or reconnecting with old friends is fantastic for the soul.

Are you saying no too much to social invitations? Why? Is it because you were like me and were too tired or felt too self conscious? Any tips for someone who hasn’t been out in ages and is going to be in a room with 10 people she doesn’t know very well?

This Friday I’m linking with some awesome peeps!

Grace for FYBF


Miss Cinders for Things I Know

Things I Know

Cathy for Flashback Friday

And Bree for Flash Blog Friday

Thanks lovely ladies 🙂


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Flying can be fun, and not just for those in the Mile High Club!

Every time I go to the airport there’s a flame inside of me that ignites.

I’m taken back in time to years gone by when I travelled around the world, a little bit, and airports meant a new destination.

It also means a chance to imagine where everyone is going, what they’re doing and who will meet them at the other end.

Last week I flew with my lil’ sister to Cairns to meet our big sister and the three of us spent the weekend lounging in Port Douglas.

To break the ice before the flight we had a sneaky (bottle of) bubbly – not because I’m scared of flying, I love it, but because it was 12.30pm and I had no kids with me – totally a reason to drink plonk!

iPhone - Jan 2013 - Feb 18th 2013 904

Once we boarded we made quick work of our surroundings, took note of the exits, fascinating people on board and discussed if we could ask the attendant for more than one wine each when they trotted by with the cart.

Thankfully while we were waiting we found some eye candy on the screens – HELLO Bradley Cooper!

iPhone - Jan 2013 - Feb 18th 2013 918

We then passed time by reading magazines, so maybe you don’t know this about me but I can’t stand trashy mags – so I made my lil’ sis buy a women’s magazine or something.

It had some tips on snoring spouses, popcorn v’s chips (dir) and tips for those with bad bladders, being a calm mum, stinky breath and fat tummies (I knew there was a reason I bought it).

Am I looking calmer or what? Maybe it was the wine!

Am I looking calmer or what? Maybe it was the wine!


By the time the plane took off we were giggling gerts but not so much as you’d hate to be beside us.

We had a national basketball team travelling with us – they were hard to miss being so tall (okay we did notice them as we were people watching at the airport).

I tried not-so-sneakily to take a photo of a dude that was so tall his head touched the ‘roof’ of the cabin. Later on in the flight we met and talked with him – I but don’t want to reveal his details.

Totally looking at me - oops.

Totally looking at me – oops.

We soon became friendly with our air hostie and he gave us a free wine because it was my birthday – gotta loving flying with the big V!

He gave us cheek the entire flight and it was awesome – he even took photos and the woman behind us totally photo bombed our shot – LOVED IT.

Peace out - lucky mole had a spare seat beside her - no wonder she was so happy!

Peace out – lucky mole had a spare seat beside her – no wonder she was so happy!

So after we guzzled back our free vino we were looking for more (as you do) I mean it’s not often I can drink at 2pm right?

I can’t be sure if we waited til the hostie walked past us or if we buzzed, but we looked like this while we were waiting…

iPhone - Jan 2013 - Feb 18th 2013 925

But it wasn’t long until good old V airlines pulled through and we were back into the swing of things and were like this…

iPhone - Jan 2013 - Feb 18th 2013 926

I really don’t condone being a trash bag on a plane – but we weren’t loud, rude, obnoxious – we were happy sisters loving each others company and so excited about the prospect of seeing our big sister for a weekend of relaxation!

So we made it to Cairns with no dramas and with only one pit stop by me.

Our amazing hostie was so familiar with me that he leaned on the door so I couldn’t get out of the plane’s tiny toilet – bloody hilarious – and I didn’t even blink when I finally got out because I knew it was him – I just told him that I loved how much fun he’d made the flight for us!

Just arrived in Cairns

Just arrived in Cairns

Our gorgeous big sis was there waiting for us – we were happy campers with a little glow on!

I really have to say that having an awesome cabin crew can make a flight so much more pleasant – whether it’s short or long haul.

And I know it’s not a glamorous job, but if you’re in the sky you have to act like you’re amongst the clouds – if that’s not your style then stick to the ground.

Have you had an awful or awesome experience in the air (not just those who’ve joined the Mile High Club – I’ve tried to do it before but we were both too big for those teeny toilets.

Do you have a flying ritual? Something you do on EVERY flight?

Totally linking with the super awesome but totally younger than me (BOO HOO) Jess @ Essentially Jess for IBOT