You know those days when you nail it? Me neither.
This afternoon my daughter told me not to call her “a little shit shiz” – something I did under my breath because she was giving me the ‘I’m bored and you’re horrible speech’.
I acted all offended and then told her that I was in fact talking to someone on the computer that I was mad at! OOPS!
I learned my lesson – to speak WAY more quietly.
Lucky I have no shame and a sense of humour otherwise this parenting caper could make you go loopy (note photo bomber in background).
Anyway here is my week in Facebook updates!
1. The kids are annoying me so much I’m about to pour all the milk down the sink so I can leave the house for 45 minutes to go and get some more!
2. “I’m so glad we made our fourth bedroom a kid’s playroom” said no mother ever who now has to do all her work on a computer in the living/dining/kitchen!! FUG IT!
3. FUG! Got up extra early to make food for my son’s daycare party – and got greeted by blank looks – IT’S NEXT WEEK – and now my house smells of yummy food that I can’t eat. PLUS I have to make it again next Thursday – DOUBLE FUG!
4. I just overheard my three-year-old telling his big sister she was a “rock star” – as long as it’s not Miley I’m cool with that.
5. It’s been awhile since I posted amusing search engine terms that lead people to my blog, here are today’s:
*hot men ass (gross)
*chocolate pool (it’s never gonna happen)
*ant in thermomix (you idiot they cost thousands)
*candy crush laughs (umm no, it’s a game, it can’t speak)
*candy crush minty meadow (get a life!!)
I honestly don’t make a habit out of calling my children little shits
In other breaking news – I’m going self-hosted soon – so watch this space – just a wee bit excited!
ALSO…
I am a guest blogging today over at Lisa’s Random Acts of Zen blog!
Here I divulge some pretty funny interesting shiz – and you’ll never, ever, ever, get to know this trivial AMAZING stuff about me unless you visit here
So what is the best/worst thing about being self-hosted with WordPress?
Are you surprised by what I told Lisa?
Have you called your child a little shit recently and then felt bad?
Linking and sharing the LOVE with Jess @ Essentially Jess
Have a laugh on me 
September 3, 2013 at 7:01 am
Ant in the thermomix? That’s total cray 😉 I love reading your FB status updates, it makes me relieved I’m not the only one who seems to be going nuts 😉 See you tonight!
September 3, 2013 at 9:54 am
You def not only one who is slightly cray cray Ren – yay for tonight!
September 3, 2013 at 7:02 am
Oh I do love the comment about the milk! That is brilliant. Love your little photo bomber x
As always, great post to get me laughing this morning Em x
September 3, 2013 at 9:52 am
Look forward to seeing you tonight J 🙂 x
September 3, 2013 at 7:11 am
Ant in the thermomix? That’s a thing???
September 3, 2013 at 9:52 am
Only thing I can think of is an ant crawled in and they can’t get it out?! x
September 3, 2013 at 7:21 am
Haha, love it. And yes, I may have called one or more children a petit shit on occasion. Hopping off to check out your guest post. Good luck with the self hosting. X.
September 3, 2013 at 9:50 am
Thanks Ana eg self hosting I’m no designer so should be interesting! Can’t afford to pay for one yet so I’ll try wing it for a bit! Thanks for making me feel better re lil shiz comment xx
September 3, 2013 at 7:23 am
Yes, yes, yes on the 4th bedroom playroom thing. WTF was I thinking?
Love your blog. And the search terms – people are strange. I get some weird ones too. Good luck with the self-hosting. I have been seriously considering it so would love to hear how it goes!
September 3, 2013 at 9:44 am
I’ll keep you posted hunny! Hope I don’t lose followers!
Yes poor us trying to work around our chaos!
Post on your terms to give us a laugh xx
September 3, 2013 at 8:57 am
When I read your comment on FB re the milk, I thought, “Shit, I am going to use that”.
September 3, 2013 at 9:40 am
Could also use with bread! Just throw over neighbour’s fence! xx
September 3, 2013 at 9:28 am
I don’t remember who made the milk comment but it really made me laugh. Not a bad idea actually!
September 3, 2013 at 9:35 am
I made it!!! On my FB page or did I steal it without knowing – oops! Tell me Robo have I plagiarised?
September 3, 2013 at 10:23 am
Like the milk excuse – need to pinch this one.
September 3, 2013 at 10:32 am
Please do it’s a great one – especially if you already live 15 mins from the shops !
September 3, 2013 at 10:31 am
I would have donated the goodies to the class anyway! Are you resisting temptation? x
September 3, 2013 at 10:33 am
Yes I did leave them there! AND I have just this second got off the treadmill! Boom!
September 3, 2013 at 10:44 am
go you!!
September 3, 2013 at 11:40 am
Ah, I always call him a little shit! Seriously, if anyone says they do not, they are lying. As you noted, the trick is to say it very quietly whilst fuming on the inside and possibly smash something which you tell them was an accident 🙂
September 3, 2013 at 11:46 am
YOU ARE MY TWIN!!! Except a lot smarter because you don’t have three children!!!! xx
September 3, 2013 at 11:52 am
Saw that milk update on Facebook and I thought it was such genius! But I only live two minutes from the shops so I’m still wondering how on earth to make it a 45 minute trip!
September 3, 2013 at 11:53 am
Just tell him that you ran into a ‘have a chat’ friend and couldn’t escape, long queue at shops or that they had sold out of milk because farmers were on strike x
September 3, 2013 at 12:16 pm
1. Having to make sure it’s all secure myself. Backing up. And figuring out what plug-ins will work.
2. Haven’t been there yet.
3. I call mine little shits all the time. Because they are. The big ones are little big shits. They just tell me that they get it from me… They are so wrong, they get it from their father!
I haven’t checked my search terms in forever! Must put that on my four page long must do list!! LOL
Have a fabulous day Em!
MC x
#teamIBOT
September 3, 2013 at 2:15 pm
Thanks for those tips Miss C – kinda freaking as I’m a writer not a tech head! Glad you call yours turds also. Have a happy rest of week and can’t wait to read your search engine term blog… in three years! xx
September 3, 2013 at 12:17 pm
Hahaha you’re so funny! I can definitely relate to wanting to pour all the milk down the sink so I can have a 45 minute “holiday” 😛 just been reading your interview over at Random Acts of Zen. Loved reading your answers 🙂
September 3, 2013 at 2:13 pm
Thanks, on all accounts Lizzy! The milk one is defo something us mums should keep as a trump card when desperation levels reach boiling point! Have a happy day 🙂
September 3, 2013 at 2:10 pm
Haven’t done it. The self-hosted thing. The little sh*ts? Ummm, don’t think so, but I’ve certainly yelled. FAAAA…AAAAR OUT! has probably come out a few times!
September 3, 2013 at 2:12 pm
Yes faaaarrrrrr out is a common word at this house! Thanks for visit lovely Em x
September 3, 2013 at 2:11 pm
Crazy lady, I love it. To be honest I have never thought of making a list of my top Facebook status or tweets. Great idea xx
September 3, 2013 at 4:24 pm
Well feel free to steal it lovely – I look forward to reading it xx
September 3, 2013 at 2:40 pm
All I can say is “Thanks for providing my daily entertainment !!! Having one big girl – and only one child – I am often fascinated by the snippets of your life that I read and I say “Thank God It’s Not Me”” !!!
Have the best day you can anyway !
Me
September 3, 2013 at 4:24 pm
And in 10 years time I hope I can read blogs and say – PHEW been there done that wrote the book and now I’m a millionaire 😉
September 3, 2013 at 3:32 pm
You are a crack up, woman! Love that loopy photo of you!
Ooooh, and going self-hosted! Go, you! I’ve been self-hosted WP for almost 2 years now and haven’t looked back!
September 3, 2013 at 4:25 pm
Totally going to drill you about self-hosted, I’m no computer whiz and just changing colours on my theme is a two-hour mission – and yes I’m cray cray and you wouldn’t have me any other way xx
September 3, 2013 at 4:00 pm
You are so brave.. I have my space on WordPress and have bought my web address (www.buttonbrain.com) but have chickened out as I got so confused at how to go about the whole deal… so for now I sit on blogspot…. like a big fat chicken !
September 3, 2013 at 4:26 pm
You know Lisa, if I can you can – I’m freaking about it all but it’s got to be done 🙂 x
September 3, 2013 at 4:43 pm
Yes, but I can’t tell you which one I’m answering ‘yes’ too. You always make me giggle.
September 3, 2013 at 4:50 pm
TO ! My bad grammar.
September 4, 2013 at 9:41 pm
Thanks lovely – you always make me take stock of my lot – so we even each other out xxx
September 3, 2013 at 5:10 pm
HAHAHAAAAA
September 3, 2013 at 6:10 pm
I’m self hosted but am too scared to touch too much in fear I will break it all and I don’t have the time to do research to make it better. But I think it works ok so far.
And I may have got a little frustrated with whingy children this week too, so trying to be better though.
September 4, 2013 at 9:41 pm
I know what you mean – think I might try and just give it a STAB xx
September 3, 2013 at 8:10 pm
I’m self-hosted on WordPress and LOOOOOVVVVEE it – you will too.
I can’t believe you call your kid a little shiz … at least you could do what I do and tell her she’s being a real b!tch some times (she just laughs)!
September 4, 2013 at 9:42 pm
Okay so can I PLEASE call you with any IDIOT questions?? xx
September 3, 2013 at 8:34 pm
Not self hosted, not necessarily surprised but learned a few things, and not answering due to fear of self-incrimination… 😉
September 4, 2013 at 9:43 pm
No such thing as self-incrimination around here – I thought it was a GIVEN!! 😉
September 3, 2013 at 8:38 pm
Congrats on going self-hosted Em. Best advice I can give is get some professional technical help for the move if you’re not sure about doing it by yourself.
Your search engine terms are always so hilarious!
September 4, 2013 at 9:43 pm
I appreciate the advice lovely – and YES aren’t my search engine terms CRAY CRAY!
September 3, 2013 at 8:51 pm
I love your search terms! So much fun!
Yay for self hosted! That’s a huge step 🙂
September 4, 2013 at 9:45 pm
Umm I hope I can be happy with self hosted soon – I just have to learn more!! But it seems I’m going to lose so much! eg stats, search engine terms, my follow tally eg FB plus blog followers. I just wish I’d done some more research – THANKS J BIRD for the visit – LOVE YOUR WORK xxx
September 3, 2013 at 9:50 pm
Seriously you will not know yourself with your own little piece of the internet. I think the best thing for me is the feeling of accomplishment every time I manage to get something to work the way I wanted to. I wrote code the other day dude! Worst is the sinking feeling when you type in your web address and it’s gone. Thankfully I have a great host who answers all of my newb questions for me.
September 4, 2013 at 9:47 pm
Sounds like you’ve got it sorted – AND your PB outfit – SHART – I must do that soon! The thought of writing code scares me, I’m a writer not a hater – okay – I meant to say I’m a writer not a coder ; ) 😉
September 3, 2013 at 10:21 pm
Em – it was so great to meet you tonight and ‘have a laugh’ with you and the other girls. I loved your status update about the computer in the lounge/dining room – I really feel for you. Love the milk rescue mission too. As we talked about, I set up self-hosted from the start but I have to say I have very little recollection of this period – it’s like the tech stuff happened in an alien land and I have banished it from my mind now – but I can try to remember if you really get stuck. Looking forward to meeting up again next week for Problogger and a few more wines (I will make sure to cab it on the Friday night).
September 4, 2013 at 9:48 pm
I might get stuck and need you! But in the meantime I can’t WAIT to see you again next week… and yes please get a cab, after all the renos going on you deserve it! xx
September 4, 2013 at 10:09 am
Ha! Think I might know a little bit about what inspired the 45 minutes to get milk idea ;D In this gig, cray-cray is never too far away! Xx
September 4, 2013 at 10:18 am
Ha! Think I might know a little bit about what inspired the 45 minutes to get milk idea ;D it was at the end of my recent post on domestic tips. Speaking of tips, it was your inspired notion to tip the milk down the sink. In this gig, cray-cray is never too far away! Xx
September 4, 2013 at 10:31 am
I totally didn’t mean to plagiarise your fab idea! And yes I’m one part cray-cray two parts on-the-edge most days! Thanks for visit 🙂
September 4, 2013 at 10:33 am
I call my kids shit biscuits all the time! Great post over at Zen too 🙂
September 4, 2013 at 9:49 pm
That is a good one – shit bags is another fav I don’t say either! Thanks for nice words at Zen xx
September 4, 2013 at 6:30 pm
Mmm it was kinda refreshing to hear someone else swears at their child then tells afib about it to them. Makes me feel I’m not alone on this one. x
September 4, 2013 at 9:50 pm
YAY – WE ARE NOT ALONE – WE ARE AWESOME!!! Hugs lovely Kim xx
September 4, 2013 at 9:23 pm
You are a crack up!! My kids have been walikng around saying “for gods sake” all week as everytime i walk into a room they have trashed (every room in the house) this is what i say!!
September 4, 2013 at 9:50 pm
My kids talk about a “pig style” IF ONLY Ann – IF ONLY!!!! Sweet dreams to you and your wee one xx
September 4, 2013 at 9:34 pm
I’m laughing to bits. I love your Facebook Status’s. Never called my daughter a little shiz but of course it’s a word that is used very frequently in the plumbing world. When I was an apprentice, I went to a church with our maintenance plumber at the time to unblock some toilets. There were pastors and admin staff milling outside the toilet area and my plumber tells me at the top of his voice, ‘There are shits the size of bricks in those toilets. No wonder they’re blocked’. Some plumbers just like to say how it is.
September 4, 2013 at 9:52 pm
That is classic, I think sometimes it’s best to call a spade a spade!! I am TRYING very hard now – fingers crossed hun xxx
September 5, 2013 at 9:23 pm
Nope, not yet, but it’s definitely only a matter of time. I live in fear of the day when she starts talking for real and the first sentence she says is something with a whole lotta four letter words and a few blasphemies for good measure, thanks to mummy’s road rage….
September 9, 2013 at 8:22 pm
Yes as soon as they can copy what you say it’s all over Em Rover!! xx
September 6, 2013 at 12:40 pm
There is always something SO special about ALL your updates dear!!! 😉 xxx
September 9, 2013 at 8:22 pm
Yes, like me they are a wee bit spec! And I wouldn’t have it any other way CJ x
September 6, 2013 at 12:46 pm
I’ve been self-hosted for… crap nearly 10 years (I know I’m a freaking bloggy dinosaur – I think I made the move from LJ to self hosted wp in 04). You won’t look back, good luck for the move xx
September 9, 2013 at 8:23 pm
You old blogger fart you K – ha ha – hasn’t been smooth sailing thus far, but it’s my fault, I want things to happen instantly and that just isn’t the way things work in life! xx
September 7, 2013 at 5:56 am
Also, spot the many knives in the background haha! Funny post Em x
September 9, 2013 at 8:24 pm
I wondered if anyone would notice that – especially with my cray cray eyes going on!!
September 8, 2013 at 10:27 am
That milk status – PURE Genius…. I may use that idea myself when the kids are doing my head in more than usual xx
September 9, 2013 at 8:24 pm
It can also be substituted for bread, soy milk and tea bags!!! 😉
September 8, 2013 at 11:12 pm
hahaha, you’re hilarious! Great shot btw. And self-hosted – you’re growing up!
September 9, 2013 at 8:25 pm
Oh D I’m trying but I’m not very good at this growing up bizzo!!! Em x